So, I have been friends with this girl for a good 4 1/2 years. We occassionally go out on little dates here and there, but nothing serious and nothing sexual ever really happens. Just fun dates that are more like hang outs if anything.

Anyway, two years in a row, we have both discussed whether or not we should be in a relationship with each other. Earlier this year, she considered it because she thought a lot about us and what could be, etc. But she said she didn’t want to because she was afraid of ruining the friendship and strong bond we had. She didn’t want to feel pressured to be calling me every day or want us to lose our friendship if we fought and got into arguments. I disagree with her and think a relationship would only make things that much better between us.

Now, she is the type of girl that I talk to every day. We both tell each other details about our day and share our day with each other, talk to each other when things are bad and when things are good, share each other’s personal lives and family stories and photos with each other, etc. Yeah, almost like a bf/gf thing. Her family absolutely loves me as well, they think I’m perfect for her. I sometimes see things between us and say "this is the girl I can see marrying in 2 years"

Now, a few months, we kissed each other. In the 4 1/2 years we knew each other, this never happened. It was just kind of the moment. I think I wrote about it on here. She actually freaked out about it, telling me she didn’t appreciate the kiss and she also told me that she didn’t feel the same way I felt about her. She went on to say that she wished she did, because it would definitely be a good thing. In the same sense, we talked about it after some arguing and patched things up a bit. She went on to tell me that she wanted MORE from me than what we currently had.

She went on to tell me that she felt I was one of the only 3 people who understood the current journey she was on and she wants to feel like she can talk to me about anything… whether it’s work, personal, family or guys (and added that there weren’t any at the moment)… yeah, right there my heart kind of sank.

Since she said all of that, we have been much closer actually. We have been seeing each other more often, have been texting and e-mailing more often than not, made official plans for dates the next few months (including a weekend trip away with each other in September), etc. As you can see, I’m very confused. At first she made it sound like she only wants to be a friend and nothing more, but the things we do and say make it seem like she wants the relationship but is too scared to get into it so as an alternative, she wants to make plans that couples make without the pressure of us actually dating…

On the same note, I’m confused on what to do. If I keep talking to her, I will pressure him some more and she doesn’t want to be pressured, as it leads to more arguments. I have a feeling that her feeling pressured has a lot to do with her anxiety that she has. But I think to myself, how much longer can I keep this up with her? Do I stick it out and see where things go? What if I have a chance to meet someone else? Do I go ahead and meet that person and date them? What if this friend of mine does like me so much, that if I date this person, I end up hurting my friend? I don’t want to hurt her or disappoint her. I’ve done so in the past, unintentionally as well. I mean, I did date some girls here and there while friends with this girl, etc., but I didn’t tell her much about them except for one recently, in which she seemed to freak out about because she felt like I didn’t need her (that is what she told me).

Can anyone analyze this big cluster fuck of a though process I am going through? I haven’t been posting on here much because it seems that when I do, things just go wrong or bad for me but I felt I needed to write somewhere.

CLIFFS: Friend of 4 1/2 Years wants MORE from me… as a friend, but acts like my gf.
Stay friends, is my advice. For in all my years as a mod i have yet to see a succes story in long term friends who all of a sudden become long term lovers. You two love eachother as friends, not as lovers. And actually to be more specific, male – female , relationships (unless they are both gay) don’t exist. What you see is that at one given moment nature takes over and they try to have sex with eachother, but because they are friends everything gets fucked up catastrofically.

And the problem is that once she sees you as a friend she won’t be able to think of you as anything else.

My advice: Be happy with the friendship that you have with her, be satisfied. And let it stay as it is,because she doesn’t seem to be ready.

If your stubborn and want to continue with her in a full blown relationship, you will have to communicate with on wether you both really want it, and making sure she really wants it.
the thing that worries me about what you said about her….she was jeaolus when you were dating other people, but not willing to date you once you were single. its like wanting to keep you around and be that guy that is always there for her, complimenting her, knowing that she is liked and loved without actually have to work for it in a relationship. it doesnt seem completely fair to you honestly. maybe im reading your post wrong, but it sounds like she wants to keep you around for her convinence and for when she needs you. her being upset because she thought that you might "need" a girl you dated more than her says all that to me.

ive been in a sitation like this and i know its no use to say try to move on. you will probably try again, and i hope for you sake it works out and that she finally just gives into liking you and being with you, but i just dont know.

dont pine away for her forever, you will miss out on a lot of great opportunities with other girls, and it will damage your relationship with her in the long run

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