So I met this cute guy at my campus about 3 months ago (through mutual friend) only just recently he started showing interest. We went to see forgetting Sarah Marshall (funny as hell) been to lunch, and out for sushi. Been having a great time with him, real sweet guy, funny, and cute. He always texts me good morning and always asks how my day is going and that he is thinking about me. He is more than ok about me having a child (he was with a girl who had 2 from 2 diff fathers, so I’m like a walk in the park for him) all in all I’m happy, I look forward to his texts………. Now it gets sad.

(Enter psycho ex bf, father of my child who’s very existence threathens mine)

Quick breakdown of what occured: psycho finds out about nice guy, psycho goes into fit of rage, calls me a whore and every other vulgar thing he can possibly think of, threathens my life and nice guys’ life, threathens to kidnap my son etc etc. THEN after the psycho fest ends he breaksdown crying and begs me to come back…. Yeah I know WTF. I’m thinking I’d rather stab myself in the eye.

I’m sad now because I have brought someone into all this and I feel bad for nice guy. I called nice guy, told him about psycho and said if he wanted to back away now he could and I won’t hold it against him. He said absolutely not, he really liked me thought I was beautiful and said he even felt lucky I was giving him the time of day, also has 8 years of martial arts so I shouldnt worry. Felt alot better after that talk.

I just feel like i can’t have a normal private life with psycho always being in the pic. Like I mentioned before his presence threathens my very existence, he is a big shit talker but you never know with him.

I feel lucky to have nice guy stick around through all this bull shit, don’t know very many who would. Its been a rough week.
I would highly recommend getting a restraining order. Good luck
Why do you even talk to the ex? Get a restraining order and that’s the end of that.
Restraining order, that’s for sure.

If he’s making threats and psychologically unstable, I would seriously consider not leaving my child with him until he got psychological intervention.

Ok….problem solved! By the way, what kind of martial arts?
Get a restraining order.

I know it sounds "extreme" and like a HUGE task/cruel thing to do, but it’s not. It’s something you need to do.. And if anything, it will give your ex FORCED time to cool off.
I don’t have anything to add that hasn’t been said, but I agree with the restraining order. Good Luck, I hope everything turns out well for you, he sounds nice.
Restraining orders aren’t that easy to get guys. It depends a lot on where you live. My best friend’s ex husband threatens her all the time- threatens to kill himself, threatens to kidnap his daughter, threatens to hurt my best friend.. he shows up at places he knows she’s going to be, but she can’t get a restraining order because he hasn’t physically hurt her.

He physically abused her on a regular basis when they lived together, but she never reported him- they haven’t lived together for almost a year, so even proving that he has hurt her in the past doesn’t help her cause.

Cascade- is there any reason you need to speak to this guy? Does he have visitation? Does he pay child support? Is there anything legal that is keeping him bound to the two of you?

If I were you, I’d check my legal rights first. Check out the requirements for a restraining order. If you feel your child is in danger, see what your options are for changing his custody and visitation. Start documenting every time he threatens you- if he leaves you threats on your voicemail, save them. If anyone you know witnesses these threats, have them document them too. Beyond that- if you have no reason to talk to him, then don’t. Don’t answer the phone. Absolutely refuse to engage in any sort of communication with him unless completely necessary. If he calls to ask when he can pick up your child, tell him when and hang up. Don’t communicate with him any more than you really have to.

You’re probably not going to be able to get a restraining order on this guy. You need to figure out how to deal with your ex and keep you and your child safe. As for nice guy, he sounds like an awesome catch. If he’s willing to stick around then let him. Don’t push him away because you think he deserves better-let that be his decision.
I guess it depends on the area, but 5 years ago I got a restraining order on an ex just on the basis that he stalked me and eventually kicked in my car window with me sitting in it.

Agreed… There are lot of good guys out there that love kids and make thier own decision to date single mothers.

With 8 years in martial arts the new guy shouldn’t be worried about your psycho ex bf.

And as others have already said, if you are afraid for you and your childs well-being, then look into a restraining order.

That’s probably the difference (I have no real idea, it’s just a guess). Kicking in your car window while you’re sitting in it is a physical threat. Verbal threats aren’t paid attention to.

lol, you know i kinda feel for psycho
1. Not posting pics, sorry.
2. Not sure what kind of martial arts it is nice guy is trained in.
3. Everything from visitation to child support is verbal, no court orders.
4. I have told him that I would not speak to him unless it had something to do with our child. Anything further I would consider harrasment.

Here is the thing about restraining orders. I think it has to be more than just verbal and there needs to be witnesses otherwise its just my word against his. Not only that I fear that in retaliation and pure anger of me doing that he will in fact do something crazy. Like I mentioned before he can be a big shit talker so I never really know when to take him seriously. I don’t really want my actions to push him over the edge.

I don’t plan on pushing nice guy away at any time, I told him the situation and let him make the decision as to whether or not to stick around. He said he was more worried about me than he was about himself. So I guess I just have to wait for the ex to actually do something worth reporting but let’s just hope it doesn’t get to that point.
Don’t talk to him at all and file harassment charges if he keeps bothering you.
If you have the text in your mobile , id bring it to the police, first tell your story, then show the mobile text, and then get a restraint order. I’d be damned to risk my life for psycho rodney.
You can have your phone calls recorded. Should not have a problem getting a restraining order with that.
8 years of martial arts is really going to pay off when your psycho ex runs him over with a pickup truck.

I don’t have any suggestions as to nice guy, other than he seems like a nice guy.

As to the ex, and this is just my keyboard analysis, but you are allowing this guy to control you. He knows if he produces the right mix of fear and sympathy in you he will get what he wants. His threats are criminal, witnesses or not. I realize a restraining order can’t guarantee your protection, but it is definitely warranted here. If nothing else, it will stand as a record of this guy’s behavior which could impact things like custody hearings and the like in the future.

My suggestions

1. Talk to a lawyer. Make sure you know what your rights are to protect yourself and your kid.

2. Talk to the cops about a restraining order against this guy. You have no obligation to him and his actions reinforce that.

3. Take action to protect yourself. Change the locks. Make sure the yard is well lit. Get a dog. Talk to neighbors that you trust and ask them to keep an eye out for anything unusual (you don’t have to go into detail). If the situation warrants that you protect yourself, some training into doing so would be a good idea.

4. Keep records of any interaction you have with this guy, no matter how minor. Note the date, time and what the interaction was.

From your description, this guy is nothing more than a manipulative and abusive asshole. Don’t cut him any slack. You don’t owe him anything.

It’s your choice to have the psycho in your life.

And before you repeat some variation of "the psycho is causing all this grief" which is basically what your post is…think really hard about who’s causing all this.

Here’s a hint. Look in the mirror. The psycho only has as much power as you give him.

It’s your choice. Your control. All yours. Always has been.

Take control. Close out the psycho. You have that power & take back your life.
I’d go with the advice on a restraining order, if he can do a 180 like that there is no real way to know what he may do if he ever saw the two of you together etc.

And while it’s all nice and good to have been in martial arts for years, I’d bet on the crazy guy with a knife or a gun rather than the ninja.

look into it. i

dont bring a knife (or fists) to a gunfight

mod edit: Show some love It had nothing to do with the fact that he knew martial arts. The whole point of him talking to her was to make her feel better and more secure and let her know that they’ll be OK. He could have lied and said he has been training for a year in Tai Chi and it would have made a difference.

.

This man speaks volumes.

johan usually hits the nail on the head

ok
Alright… Contrary to popular belief, restraining orders only make crazy people crazier.

As when it all comes down to it, all you’ve done now is piss off crazy person with a piece of paper that when push comes to shove, wont save your life.

Instead of the restraining order, I’d recommend a firearm (pump shotgun, if the sound of the pump doesn’t stop them in their tracks the blast certainly will), a large aluminum baseball bat, or a paid body guard.

These are the things that stop crazy people.

Pieces of paper don’t.

This is also the father of your child. I would recommend finding closure with your ex before you go and find a new guy. Moving forward amicably would be the best solution to all of the above recommended.

you’re dating a cute martial artist who can protect you from your emotionally unstable ex. and your kind of SAD …?

wow. if that’s bad, i want to know what a good day would be like for you

a restraining order does, however, enable the law to toss him in jail if he violates it
8 years of martial arts doesn’t mean much really. I have 12 years and it’s more for staying calm in bad situations than fighting (ie. knowing when to run, which is 95% of situations). Most martial artists would get thier ass kicked if they were in a fight with a big raged-out psycho.

Doesn’t help you if he violates it and kills your ass, or beats you to a pulp and puts you in the hospital.

When it all comes down to it, its just a piece of paper, that usually does nothing more than enrage the person its served to.

its better than cowering in a corner hoping he goes away

That is exactly what a restraining order is.

Thats why I said get a shotgun, a baseball bat, or a bodyguard, all of which wont piss him off, one will kill him if he tries to attack you, and the other two will put him in the hospital.

Restraining orders are nothing but bad news.

Here is how the typical restraining order goes down

1) You get the paper.

2) Dude gets served with the paper

3) Dude gets pissed.

4) Dude comes over because he doesn’t care what a piece of paper says (remember we’re dealing with the mentally unstable here)

5) You end up cowering in the corner until the cops arrive (that is if you got to the phone before he got to you), and he does god knows what to you.

Restraining orders don’t do anything but piss off the other party.

Or busts a cap in his ass

Mod edit: Show some love . Ever consider doing both?

Its obvious you’ve never dealt with something like this on a personal level.

Restraining orders don’t do anything.

I’ve been there, and watched as people go through this stuff.

A restraining order will just piss this guy off, and drive this confrontation further along.

I’d be surprised if the judicial system would even issue a restraining order given the circumstances, due to the reasons that I have already provided.

Anyways, I’m done speaking with you now, as you have resorted to name calling, and if I can (i’m new to these forums) I am going to block you, so you and your future naive posts don’t clutter my screen

I’m sure restraining orders serve no purpose whatsoever

Oh, and in order to IL me, you need to purchase a sub.

I don’t understand. If you get a restraining order, the POLICE protect you if the guy gets nearby. How does that not solve the situation?

How long does it take for the police to get on scene?

Well lets see I live in a small town with a fantastic police force, and it takes them 5 to 10 minutes to arrive on scene for an emergency.

Big city, you’re looking at 20-30.

Seriously. These are realities.

A lot can happen to you in just a single minute.

Not to mention you first have to call the police for them to arrive.

What happens if the person gets to you before you get to the phone?

Seriously… you guys… how do you not get this.

IT’S A PIECE OF PAPER!!! IT DOES NOTHING BUT EXPRESS AN IDEA!!!

Its not going to magically make the police arrive just because someone comes on your property, or gets near you.

And its definitely not going to put up some magic forcefield to keep you safe from said attacker. Its pointless.

Alright… you know what, get your restraining order. And when the guy comes to your house with his machete, hold it up in front of him!

And as he hacks you and your restraining order to bits, maybe its shredded remains will help soak up the blood from your dismembered body so that way at least your relatives wont have to pay to have your carpets cleaned.

A restraining order or police report puts it on the record that she has tried to address the matter through the system provided. This can help in the future, particularly if it comes to a custody issue over their kid. It will also act in her defense if the asshole does violate the order and she is forced to defend herself or her kid against him. That can be the difference between a crime of passion and justified self defense through the eyes of the court.

they make it against the law for him to contact her so she can get him put in jail he tries to. There’s nothing wrong with getting a restraining order and something for self defense. The restraining order would help justify a self defense case if she ever ended up needing to protect herself.

What?????????????????????????????????

I’m NOT SAYING THAT.

I’m not saying that the restraining order will protect you from violence in the moment of his arrival.

I’m saying that AFTER he leaves, you will call the cops, and he will go to PRISON.

Keep a baseball bat and an electrocution device on hand - sure! But STILL get a restraining order because AFTER he visits you… he gets arrested. Which is a plus. Right? Isn’t that a plus? If the guy you don’t want to see is locked away?

mod edit:

I thought only women did fucked up emotional "pinball in the pinball machine" type thing…
Im sick and tired of all the edits that i had to make in this thread, i even got complaints of its content, So once again you may or may not agree on other people’s opinions, in the end its up to the OP to decide which advice she should take to heart, once again for everyone the Asylum is an emotional hide-out, we try to help the OP , its not the intention to undermine other people’s posts by using personal attacks on their contents, remember if there’s anything intolerable you come to me and i will deal with it. Play on the ball , not on the players so to speak. Unless you want to add numbers to your ban count,be my guest, that being said. Continue thread.

so wait, you edit my posts where I call a person who thinks a restraining order would serve no useful purpose for her an idiot, but you leave his posts untouched? I don’t see how helpful or constructive they were for the threadstarter

mod note: Yes it may or may not have been a helpfull,constructive post but remember that’s a personal conclusion the OP has to make for herself which is the reason it remains untouched, sometimes people get frustrated that’s understandable, however moderators have step in when it become personal attacks, intolerance is not tolerated in the Asylum. I hope vice versa some understanding and consideration on behalf of this rule can be given.
Sorry no update in a while its been a crazy busy last few weeks. Ok, so as I said before I felt that getting a restraining order might just send him over the edge of him actually doing something bad. I think someone else actually agreed that a piece of paper is not going to save my life if he decides to murder me. That being said I did tell him the harrasment needed to stop or I would take it to the next level, I told him we would not be getting back together, he needed to move on and I would like to be civil. He agreed and gives me some shit here and there but not as bad as it used to be. As for nice guy, I couldnt be any happier with him. He actually got me a basket of chocolates for mothers day and he saved a few things from some of our dates and put them in a book for me to finish. He is such a good guy and a perfect gentleman. I couldnt ask for a more perfect boyfriend. He adores everything that my ex hated about me. So things are super in my life now. Thanks for all the advice.
I didn’t read through the whole thread but the first page is filled with advice from people that don’t have kids and aren’t in these situations. The best advice i can give you is this, talk to your family. You can’t cut the father out of your life per se but you can limit contact.

Thank god my mom actually dropped my son off and picked him up his mothers house. She didn’t know where i lived and we didn’t have as many arguments becuase she wasn’t able to keep up on my day to day life. See if you can get help from your family.

Also, remember that there is a little one involved. Becareful about things that are said and done in front of the child because that can cause issues too.

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