my job…

I just saw a placenta drip down a womans leg because we had no beds to put her in.
I heard a wife scream at the realization that her husband wasn’t talking because he was dead.
I saw 2 dead children, a dead wife, and a man punch out his brother because he didn’t want to accept the reality.
I had woman grab me and tell me I was worthless, then die 3 hours despite our best efforts to save her life.
I’ve seen careers ended due to illness, lives ended senselessly, and drug abusers attempt to fight the inevitable.

I really don’t know where I’m going with this…I just need to talk…I just need to get it all out. I’m so emotionally exhausted, so drained. I’m scared that I drink too much, eat too bad, and sleep too little. I’m stressed, tired, and cynical thanks to my job. I envy people that go to work and love it. And I know that if I ever changed jobs I couldn’t live with myself….
Your job is obviously a very stressful one and it takes a very brave and strong person to even do what you do. My mother works as a hospice director and some of the stories she’s told me of when she was a nurse in hospice and the hospital are crazy. I don’t see how you people do it, but, I have an unlimited amount of respect for you people!

Would you be upset about changing jobs or careers? You could always work in a different department (admissions, etc.) (sorry I don’t know what your actual job is) or possibly go into hospice. My mother says that, for her, hospice was very rewarding but still pretty rough.

I just saw a placenta drip down a womans leg because we had no beds to put her in.
I heard a wife scream at the realization that her husband wasn’t talking because he was dead.
I saw 2 dead children, a dead wife, and a man punch out his brother because he didn’t want to accept the reality.
I had woman grab me and tell me I was worthless, then die 3 hours despite our best efforts to save her life.
I’ve seen careers ended due to illness, lives ended senselessly, and drug abusers attempt to fight the inevitable.

I really don’t know where I’m going with this…I just need to talk…I just need to get it all out. I’m so emotionally exhausted, so drained. I’m scared that I drink too much, eat too bad, and sleep too little. I’m stressed, tired, and cynical thanks to my job.

Wow….that’s tough man.
I think it’s natural and normal to be deeply affected by this type of job. I would suggest you get help tho. You sound like you may be suffering from depression and you sound like you’re overloaded with stress. You need outlets for this stress or it will consume you.

You know, simply getting enough sleep can make HUGE difference in your stress levels. Why not go for 10 hours for a whole week and see how you feel?

I envy people that go to work and love it. And I know that if I ever changed jobs I couldn’t live with myself….

This part seems contradictory to me. Are you sure you typed that right? I’m going to assume it is.

You say you couldn’t live with yourself but really you don’t know this. You might actually be able to live with yourself quite well. It sounds like you’re using this idea to keep you from taking action to correct the shit in your life.

This is classic victim mentality.

On a side note: that’s one of the hottest AVs ever!
Helping people isn’t always easy. It might be tough at times but you can always know that when you go home at night that you tried your best to help as many people as you could.

I don’t understand though why you say you couldn’t live with yourself if you changed jobs?
Take advantage of the debriefing or counseling services your place of employment offers, man! That’s what they’re there for
wow man.. that’s rough.

I’m on my company’s first responder team and i got queasy at a refresher training talking about compound fractures. I had to walk out of there.

I couldn’t do that shit.. kudos man.
Sorry, been at work again.
I work as a paramedic at the trauma center in Austin.
Yes, I have scheduled an appointment to talk with a counselor.
As for why I couldn’t live with myself is because this is who I am. I have dedicated way too much of life to the career, sacrificed and cried waaay to much to walk away. And I know eventually I would forget the times like this and remember all the fun times (and there are a lot of them) and want to come back.
That and I feel a certain responsibility to teach and train the people below me so that in a few years when they have my job they are well equipped and competent. I would be very disappointed in myself if somebody got hurt because I forgot to teach something or failed to recognize when that person needed help. Its kind of hard to explain unless you’re in a position like mine, but if you are, you know exactly what I am talking about.

Edit: Oh and civicmon, compound fractures are gross, i totally agree. But they are fun as hell to put back together. Its like a Charles manson in a Lego factory.
This is precisely the reason why I don’t want to be a doctor. Society glamorizes it, but this is the reality.

Ugh fuck…..

At least I haven’t eaten dinner yet.

Sorry, been at work again.
I work as a paramedic at the trauma center in Austin.
Yes, I have scheduled an appointment to talk with a counselor.
As for why I couldn’t live with myself is because this is who I am. I have dedicated way too much of life to the career, sacrificed and cried waaay to much to walk away. And I know eventually I would forget the times like this and remember all the fun times (and there are a lot of them) and want to come back.
That and I feel a certain responsibility to teach and train the people below me so that in a few years when they have my job they are well equipped and competent. I would be very disappointed in myself if somebody got hurt because I forgot to teach something or failed to recognize when that person needed help. Its kind of hard to explain unless you’re in a position like mine, but if you are, you know exactly what I am talking about.

Edit: Oh and civicmon, compound fractures are gross, i totally agree. But they are fun as hell to put back together. Its like a Charles manson in a Lego factory.

Well if you think through the logic, you simply cannot continue in this profession forever. You WILL have to retire someday, you will have to trust that other people coming after you will have to bear the responsibility you now bear. You will have to accept that you won’t be as influential in helping others in need anymore.

It’s the reality we all have to face.

So really, it’s a question of timing…..when will you choose to walk away from your career? Will you make the choice or will you allow the choice to be forced upon you either through old age or stress related problems?

If you are getting so stressed out that you simply aren’t enjoying life, aren’t sleeping, and other stress related issues and you feel trapped in your job because of your abilities and previous commitments, then perhaps it’s time to reevaluate those commitments…..maybe not…only you can decide that.

I’m simply offering a perspective.

I would hope that you find ways to deal with the stresses of your job because you sound very dedicated and we need people like you in helping professions. It also sounds like your current coping mechanisms may not be up to the task so perhaps it’s time to enhance them with some good ole therapy, exercise, sex or whatever….maybe all of the above.

Good luck and God Bless.
Every working person in his life has to ask themselves the question: Do i live to work or do i work to live? You are only human being, and you need to draw a line on what you can do on one day. Stop pushing yourself over the edge. Also, Its time to change your job. Why? I also made the same mistake as you, in trying to help as much people as i could i got diseased myself?why , because i started neglecting myself. In the end this meant i had to give up my profession by force. I couldn’t practise anymore what i did and had to face reality,namely that i also count as a person, and that i have to have my own things in order first before i can go out and help people.

For the time being im going to give you the advice to start golfing. Sleep regulary, and eat in a decent, fashionate manner, look for a boring office job. Don’t consider yourself irriplacable, for now they will have to find someone else who can do your job for you. Give yourself a break, a nice holliday and come back refreshed and quit what you are doing.

well said….even with inconsistent capitalization. j/k…but I do agree.

People that are stressed out who continue to push themselves without addressing the underlying stress eventually become burnouts. Then it’s almost impossible to bring them back.

If that same person would have learned to take care of themselves before they hit burnout, they likely could have gone on for many, many more years.

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