So lately I have felt a need to break away from my current friends (I dont have too many but I feel like I need to break away from them for numerous reasons). However, I am having a huge problem doing this. When I go out, I am usually with my friends and I am fairly sociable with people they bring and the group we are with. The problem begins when I try to do anything without that "safety blanket" of my. When I do, I become terribly anxious or shy to the point where I psych myself out before I go somewhere or even meet people.

For instance, tonight, I was invited to a bar, by two bartenders I know, to play poker there. Nobody would go with me so I thought I would go alone. about 2 hours before I even planned to leave to started to question myself and going there alone. About an hour before I got anxious and started feeling physically nervous. Finally, I left the house and drove to the bar. I circled the street twice. I parked and walked by the front of the bar, around the block, and back to my car. When I got to my car I was even shaking a bit.

I am not sure how I can deal with this or if its even a problem past me being a pussy and needing to grow a pair. I dont want to feel like a leech to my current friends for meeting people through them or always having to go out with them. I want to be independent but Im not sure how to do it if I get this type of reaction from myself when I am alone. I am really feeling down on myself from this whole experience.

any advice, suggestions, thoughts would be really helpful to me to get past this stage.
Why are you afraid of exactly? What do you think will happen if you go to these places alone?

If you know others will be there, even people you know, what makes you so anxious?

That really sucks!
I don’t really have any suggestions as im the opposite. I play better with others when im not with my friends. I tend to be more shy and let my friends talk for me when im with them.

Only thing i can say is that if you have other friends that love to hang out with you, than im sure you are a fun person to be with.
Take a deep breath and just do it, im almost positive you will make friends I mean heck what’s the worst that could happen?

I dont know what I am afraid of. I just dont want to be that guy who stands in a bar alone not talking to people, but I am too shy to go talk to random people. I dont know what will happen if I go alone, but I imagine it would be that and it makes me really sad.

if I know people there, I am not nervous about going. if I had been with one friend tonight I would have gone in like nothing was the matter and been talkative and friendly. But I just didnt feel like I could do that by myself.

Ya but if your going to play a game like Poker with others, you don’t really need to put yourself out there to talk to others. You are goona be sitting at a table with other people who prolly dont know each other. Im sure they will be just as anxious as you are

I walked by, saw that there were big groups of people sitting in there, and I thought to myself "dont be the loser that walks in there alone and sits down by himself at a table and waits to play poker"

and youre right, I know that if I were playing it wouldnt be a big deal but I couldnt even get myself to go in. It looked like fun and I even told the guy working there I would come in. I feel like such a piece of shit right now

Well I can’t blame you there. I’m not the biggest fan of showing up somewhere random and expecting myself to introduce myself to strangers.

However, in the case of that bar the other night you knew 2 people who would be there and there was a common theme for the gathering-poker. If everyone is there for a sort of event that shouldn’t scare you. Poker forces you to kind of meet people without any awkwardness, you are all there for the same reason.

Coming from someone who battled Social Anxiety Disorder, I will say it took a lot of growth on my part to put myself out there, however, I was having issues with my self-esteem. Is there something about yourself that makes you worry? You worry everyone will look at you, judge you? Or is it strictly just being a little nervous about being by yourself somewhere where only you can meet people?

If it’s the latter, you aren’t crazy or even different. It just takes a lot of inner monologue and pep talk to get yourself to walk into a group of strangers. No one says you have to go everywhere alone, that’s what friends are for!

I dont really like my self image very much and basically that makes me feel like i have zero confidence in myself. Even when I think I look good I just look in a mirror before I go and I can feel like shit walking out the door. Usually I forget about it but Im sure somewhere in the back of my mind its eating me up.

It isnt "being myself" that worries me around people because i know once I can just feel a little bit comfortable I will be fine. I just cant ever get up enough courage to throw myself into a situation where I dont have some sort of a safety net there to fall back on.

Aha, that’s what I was wondering. What is it about your image that you are insecure about? Picture for possible tips? (that’s if you even need any or is it’s all in your head)

I dont think its insecure image issue, because even if I looked like a male underwear model or something i dont think I could get myself to go out alone. my image doesnt really worry me when I am out so much as when I am at home getting dressed or something.
I find that when I anticipate and think about how things will go, it actually seems more intimidating and difficult in my mind than it actually turns out to be every time.

well its each monday so I can try again next week

Try to go again. This time when you walk in look as if you have a purpose. I always find that when I walk into a room I look dead ahead confidently as if I’m meeting someone and I can see people out of the corner of my eyes all look at me. It’s an empowering feeling.
I have a hard time going out alone too, when I’m not traveling for work. I make myself walk in and open up on the first set of women I see. Its tough, but I really try to make myself do it.
This happens to me as well. I think my problems stems from my problems in high school, I was rejected by most people.

It really sucks, and I don’t know how to get over it. i recently went on a cruise with my mom and grandma, and I was too shy to go meet people dancing at night or go talk to anyone..

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