Some of you probably remember my situation. Cliffs are that I my girl and I have been together for 3 years and we have 1 year old daughter. The past 2 years things have been a rollercoaster for us. Example– things are going great, things die down, things get great, things die down. For the past few months I’ve been focused on other things and have been neglecting her. I’ve lied to her about stuff, money mainly. Trust is gone. Due to me neglecting her, she’s met someone new. Nothing has happened between them, but she has told me there is an attraction and interest. Last week we had a big talk and she wanted to end it. She said that we’re only close friends and she figured I felt the same way.
I don’t feel the same way. I feel our communication has disappeared. I don’t want our relationship to end for her, our daughter, and me. I’ve been pouring my heart out to her constantly and telling her I want to work on things. I know love can rekindle and we can go back to how we were when things were great. Things can change and I’m willing to do everything I can to make that happen. To prove myself to her.
This has really confused her. She didn’t expect for this to happen, she thought I felt the same way and we’d just go our seperate ways. She’s told me she does have feelings for this guy and can see a romance happening. She doesn’t know what to do. She’s assured me that she isn’t going to start something new until we are completely over. She doesn’t see the guy at all except one day a week when he runs something at her work (a bar).
With this, I have no idea what to do. I’m trying hard to prove myself to her. I’m completely open and honest with her about my feelings and how I want to rekindle what we had and how I’m willing to do anything to accomplish that. But at the same time the fact that she’s confused about both of us really bothers me. I understand how a new relationship makes you feel– everyone loves that feeling of something new starting.
So what do I do? Do I continue to fight for her, show her I’m focused on us and our family, pour my heart out to her, do all those sappy romantic things I did in the beginning? Or do I just back off, leave her alone, and give her time to think about everything? I really don’t want to leave her alone. I want to fight for her with every bit of energy I have. But I don’t know if that’s helping or hurting my cause. And I’m sure this other guy is fighting for her too.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? I’d really like to hear stories and how things worked out. I know I’m probably going to get a lot of "It’s over, just let it go." from you guys. But I feel like this is my last chance. I don’t want to lose my family.
Does she say she wants to try and work on your relationship?
Short answer, yes.
From what she’s told me she didn’t expect me to react the way I did which is why she’s confused. She can’t help but think that things will be good for a while and go back to how they were. That has happened in the past. I think that’s her main confusion on my side– the fact that she needs to think about her being happy instead of everyone else like she used to do.
I’ve told her that I want to go back to how we were when we started. I want to work on being that family where when our daughter is a teenager she’ll see us kissing and whispering to each other and she’ll do the typical teen reaction of "Ewww you guys, stop" when kids see their parents beeing cheesy.
Her main issues with everything now is our trust, wondering if things will be good then go back to being bad, and this other guy. She says if she didn’t want to see what would happen with us she would’ve moved back to her mothers last week.
|
Short answer, yes.
From what she’s told me she didn’t expect me to react the way I did which is why she’s confused. She can’t help but think that things will be good for a while and go back to how they were. That has happened in the past. I think that’s her main confusion on my side– the fact that she needs to think about her being happy instead of everyone else like she used to do. I’ve told her that I want to go back to how we were when we started. I want to work on being that family where when our daughter is a teenager she’ll see us kissing and whispering to each other and she’ll do the typical teen reaction of "Ewww you guys, stop" when kids see their parents beeing cheesy. Her main issues with everything now is our trust, wondering if things will be good then go back to being bad, and this other guy. She says if she didn’t want to see what would happen with us she would’ve moved back to her mothers last week. |
If she is willing to work on your relationship then go get relationship counseling.
I have been pushing that, but she doesn’t seem to want to.
She saw counselor a few times earlier this year. She stopped because she didn’t see the point in going. She went, told her stories, and that was it. She didn’t see it helping. I explained that counseling doesn’t help instantly and it takes numerous visits before it works.
This is her main answer when I mention couples counseling. I’ve been trying to lightly push it. I currently don’t have insurance and I’m not even sure if insurance would cover it. How would I go about finding a good, but cheap, couples counselor in my area? I’m willing to pay for it.
|
I have been pushing that, but she doesn’t seem to want to.
She saw counselor a few times earlier this year. She stopped because she didn’t see the point in going. She went, told her stories, and that was it. She didn’t see it helping. I explained that counseling doesn’t help instantly and it takes numerous visits before it works. This is her main answer when I mention couples counseling. I’ve been trying to lightly push it. I currently don’t have insurance and I’m not even sure if insurance would cover it. How would I go about finding a good, but cheap, couples counselor in my area? I’m willing to pay for it. |
Then she’s not really willing to work on your relationship obviously.
Going to couples counseling is different from a personal therapist. You talk about you both as a whole and how to work on trust, communication, etc.
Look in the yellow pages? Call around and see what they say it costs for non-insured patients.
© 2008 eAsylum.