What is wrong with me?

As most of you probably know, my g/f of 7 years and I broke up. It’s been a year and I’m still not doing so well. I mean, I go out every now and then, I haven’t really dated anyone and I am very lonely. The weird part is that I’m not really looking to date anyone. I’m not over my ex yet and I miss her a lot. Is there something wrong with me that I still think about her all the time (even after a year of breaking up). We are still friends and I’m distancing my self from her. She can tell and it’s bothering her a lot but I just keep any conversations very short and to the point.

It doesn’t help that things aren’t so great at work either. I’m just not happy overall and to make matters worse I’m sick right now. I go through ups and downs. Sometimes, I have the energy to do just about anything I feel like I’m doing much better and then sometimes I just want to lay in bed and not talk to anyone. I don’t have all that many friends, just a few close friends. I’m 24.

I have posted similar threads about this and I understand I need to get out and do things (find hobbies, bike ride, work out, etc) and I am doing these things as often as I can. I sometimes just get really bogged down and feel like there is something wrong with me that I still think about my ex and cry at times. This is hard for me to admit to people in person because I just feel ashamed and I like to put on a show that I’m not upset and I have moved on.

What do I do from here?
I feel your pain.

I was with my ex-wife for 7 years.

It took a long time to get over her. I thought about her all the time like you do.

Like you, we tried to stay friends. That was a really bad idea. Eventually we mutually decided to never contact each other again.

I can tell you from experience that you WILL NOT HEAL until you cut off all contact with her.

Every time you see her or talk to her, you are re-opening the wound.

Get away from her and do not look back.

Well duh, you can’t get over her when you are still "friends" with her

One of my exes really didn’t understand this

Is there an easy way to stop them trying to be friends? I’ve just defaulted to completely ignoring them now

I think that’s all you can do.

Say "we cant be friends." Never talk to them again.

Explain that you need to move on with your life and get over her and the only way you can do that is to not speak with her. Ask her to please not call/text/IM you again and that if she does you will not respond. If she won’t listen to that then just ignore her if she tries to contact you and block her online.
I had a gf of 7 years. As hard is it may seem, you have to break off the friendship and move on without her in your life. Me being that one that got dumped it was very hard for me at first. I am sure you had many great memories during that time, but that doesn’t mean you need to remain friends.

We were never friends after the break-up… not because we don’t like each other, but because it is for the best of us. How can you get over her while still talking to her? I still think about my ex often too… I’m sure your ex still thinks of you a lot. You’re not gonna completely forget, especially if its your first love, but you have to have more control of your situation to better you off in the long run. You’re never going to be as happy with your next girl if you do not get over her
Reading this makes me scared to get into a serious relationship like that. 7 years is a long time and to think all that time ends up resulting in never seeing each other or talking to one another again. Somebody was in your life for so many good years and just like that, it’s over.

Are you happy when you’re with her? Is there no chance of you two getting back together?
Dont look back is probably the best advice i can give you. Once that new girl comes by whether you end up liking her or not, it will distort your view towards the ex. It all gets better from there.

it does suck and that does cross your mind definitely but at least he wasn’t married or had kids like most people split these days. that would be way worse. he can just suck it up as experience.

if you really feel the need to have her in your life, at least dont talk to her for a year or 2 and then come back around. i have seen that way but i have not seen the other way work, which is what youre doing right now
Nothing is wrong with you btw. Couples break apart all the time.

7 years is a mile stone.

I read a statistic once that said the average family moves homes every 7 years. There is something about the number 7. It just seems that people need a change after 7 years of the same things. I worked at my last job for 7 years, and on the 7th year I had this huge feeling that I needed a change so I found a new job.

You miss her, but you will meet someone else that you will be with for another 7 years.
It must be really hard what you’re going through. When i broke up with my ex of 3yrs it was painful. But the best you can do man is deff cut all contact with her. Thats what i did and it worked. Now we talk every now and then and it doesnt effect me in the least. Plus try and make some friends go out party get you’re mind off things. Try not to confine yourself in you’re room alone or anything like that, its only going to make it more depressing. Shit man get a dog if you can, it might help keep you company. Good luck!
i really hate to see these type of threads in the asylum, i hear about it constantly at the office. You know when somebody comes to me about a situation like this i sit them down and i ask them, what do you miss? do you miss the sex or do you actually miss the relationship?

The relationship is a common answer.

So what about the relationship do you miss, i’ll ask in reply

the feeling of being wanted by somebody else

This is the answer I’m looking for because now that person has openly admitted that its not really the sex or the person its how that person made you feel, that’s a problem that you need to solve internally and is rooted around your low sense of self esteem.

You should work on being active, and generally improving yourself, its the only action plan that works.

Holy shit! Excellent way of putting it.

Werd.

This entry was posted on Thursday, July 24th, 2008 at 12:11 am and is filed under main. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.