My GF likes another girl.

I can’t stop thinking about my problem.

I am a guy, and my gf (2.5 years – lived together the whole time) recently realized that she is also attracted to women.

she likes a girl that she works with and I came home to find them kissing with the lights off.

So after getting over the shock of being cheated on, which fucking sucked, we talked and we both love each other and don’t want the other to leave. We have such an awesome past and its not like she did it because she doesn’t like me. It’s because she was kind of bored, and also was in a position to find out more about her sexuality. She is confused about who she is and this was a really shitty way to experiment cuz i don’t care that it was just kissing and with a girl – it hurts so bad to know that she feels something for someone else and went to someone else for something I couldn’t give her. She said its just different, more sensual etc. with a girl.

I love her, I believe that she loves me, but to me it’s so hard to understand the desire to be with another person if she actually loves me.
I don’t know how to move forward and It’s really hard to know she is at work with this chick right now. I want to tell her that obviously being with anyone else just isn’t an option if she is with me, but considering this happened just two days ago I don’t want to be setting ultimatums like that yet. I don’t want to push her away.

She cheated on you, why are you still trying to find ways to keep this relationship alive? You are setting yourself up for a whole lot more hurt down the road.
You should react as if it was a guy she was kissing. In this situation, you have to think what’s best for you. Don’t hold her hands and say you’ll be there for her while she’s fooling around on you.
Man or woman, it doesn’t matter. SHE CHEATED ON YOU. She doesn’t love you as much as you want to believe or she says. If you truly love someone you would never cheat on them.
Tell her that you want in on the action to. If she can be shared, so can you. And you want a 3some. lol

If she flips out, then fuck her.

If she doesn’t then fuck both of them.

Tell her that you want in on the action to. If she can be shared, so can you. And you want a 3some. lol

If she flips out, then fuck her.

If she doesn’t then fuck both of them.

Congrats, I could get the same response out of a 12yo

Why thank you.

I think the actual response is quite clear, and out there in the open. I agree with you, he was cheated on no matter what.

I was just trying to bring some humor to the situation, thats all.
Thats what happens with bisexuals when they are first coming into their sexuality. I bounced around between guys and girls for a long time. I would be dating a girl for a year, but have a craving. Then I would be with a guy for a while, and have a craving. It wasn’t until I got serious about my relationships, and knew I had to make a choice. One or the other. Once I made that choice, I’ve been very happy with my BF and haven’t had any desire for the other type, lol.

Yes, she cheated on you, but that doesn’t mean this can’t work out. Alot of people on OT love misery, probably because they are miserable, and misery loves company. I cheated on my current BF, and we got past it. He cheated on me, and we got past it. It has made our relationship stronger. It made us human. We made mistakes. But we learned from them, and we now know neither of us want to be with anyone else. People make mistakes. But I’m telling you this can work out, but its going to take alot of work. But be ready for her to decide she likes women exclusively. Its happened to me before.

x11ty

Thats what happens with bisexuals when they are first coming into their sexuality. I bounced around between guys and girls for a long time. I would be dating a girl for a year, but have a craving. Then I would be with a guy for a while, and have a craving. It wasn’t until I got serious about my relationships, and knew I had to make a choice. One or the other. Once I made that choice, I’ve been very happy with my BF and haven’t had any desire for the other type, lol.

Yes, she cheated on you, but that doesn’t mean this can’t work out. Alot of people on OT love misery, probably because they are miserable, and misery loves company. I cheated on my current BF, and we got past it. He cheated on me, and we got past it. It has made our relationship stronger. It made us human. We made mistakes. But we learned from them, and we now know neither of us want to be with anyone else. People make mistakes. But I’m telling you this can work out, but its going to take alot of work. But be ready for her to decide she likes women exclusively. Its happened to me before.

Thanks for your helpful response. I was about to get really depressed because everyone else thinks this is impossible to work out. How did you get past the cheating? How did you build things back up? How do you two deal with the trust issues? I am racking my brain over the fact that she is seeing this girl on a daily basis.

That’s my point of view. I can’t imagine cheating on her. You think she just doesn’t want to admit to me or herself that she doesn’t truly love me?

I guess I still feel people who cheat still can make the relationship stronger, I just don’t know whether it will turn out like that or for the worst. I don’t want to risk putting myself out there again if its gonna get me hurt, but on the other hand I’ll do anything to salvage this relationship.

I don’t expect a whole lot of help because I have no avatar, but I can’t stop thinking about my problem.

I am a guy, and my gf (2.5 years – lived together the whole time) recently realized that she is also attracted to women.

she likes a girl that she works with and I came home to find them kissing with the lights off.

So after getting over the shock of being cheated on, which fucking sucked, we talked and we both love each other and don’t want the other to leave. We have such an awesome past and its not like she did it because she doesn’t like me. It’s because she was kind of bored, and also was in a position to find out more about her sexuality. She is confused about who she is and this was a really shitty way to experiment cuz i don’t care that it was just kissing and with a girl – it hurts so bad to know that she feels something for someone else and went to someone else for something I couldn’t give her. She said its just different, more sensual etc. with a girl.

I love her, I believe that she loves me, but to me it’s so hard to understand the desire to be with another person if she actually loves me.
I don’t know how to move forward and It’s really hard to know she is at work with this chick right now. I want to tell her that obviously being with anyone else just isn’t an option if she is with me, but considering this happened just two days ago I don’t want to be setting ultimatums like that yet. I don’t want to push her away.

SERIOUSLY?!

2.5 years and this chick goes and cheats on you and you feel bad for standing up for your self and saying I don’t want to be cheated and won’t be in a NON monogomous relationship?

Look your feelings are going to get hurt and she’ll probably cheat again. Have enough love and respect for YOURSELF and if she leaves because you stand up for yourself and define a boundary then she doesn’t love you. MOVE ON if that’s the case..there are so many fish in the sea and none of them are worth staying with if they will hurt you.

That’s my point of view. I can’t imagine cheating on her. You think she just doesn’t want to admit to me or herself that she doesn’t truly love me?

I guess I still feel people who cheat still can make the relationship stronger, I just don’t know whether it will turn out like that or for the worst. I don’t want to risk putting myself out there again if its gonna get me hurt, but on the other hand I’ll do anything to salvage this relationship.

how exactly will this make your relationship stronger? once the trust is gone, it’s extremely hard to get back. And if this is just the start of her exploring her bisexuality, then I’m pretty sure you will either end up having to deal with her experimentation, or move on.

That’s my point of view. I can’t imagine cheating on her. You think she just doesn’t want to admit to me or herself that she doesn’t truly love me?

I guess I still feel people who cheat still can make the relationship stronger, I just don’t know whether it will turn out like that or for the worst. I don’t want to risk putting myself out there again if its gonna get me hurt, but on the other hand I’ll do anything to salvage this relationship.

it depends on how you feel about cheating. for me, i have a "zero tolerance" policy for cheating. if someone cheated on me (whether it’s with a woman, man, horse, whatever) then he’s gone, no questions asked. i know that i would never be able to be comfortable in a relationship with someone who had previously cheated on me. if you think you could, then try to work it out by all means. but, you have to KNOW in advance that you could be able to forgive her. to be honest though, it seems to me like this is the beginning of a long downhill in your relationship, which will probably end up with her saying that she’s a lesbian.

Testify sister

Couldn’t have been said better
It sounds like she wanted you to catch her and was hoping that you’d be into perhaps a 3some or at the very least be very turned on by the fact that she’s with another woman. If it was completely in secret in a motel somewhere that’d be different, but sharing isn’t always a bad thing

We don’t discriminate over avatars here. This is not the main forum. We actually "like" people here.

I am a guy, and my gf (2.5 years – lived together the whole time) recently realized that she is also attracted to women.

Ok, so she’s attracted to women. It’s no different than you being attracted to another woman other than her. Just because I see another girl that I think is attractive doesn’t mean I’m going to stop being exclusive with my girlfriend. If I was bisexual and also attracted to men, it would be no different.

she likes a girl that she works with and I came home to find them kissing with the lights off.

Red flag: She cheated on you.

So after getting over the shock of being cheated on, which fucking sucked, we talked and we both love each other and don’t want the other to leave. We have such an awesome past and its not like she did it because she doesn’t like me.

It doesn’t matter whether it was a female or male that she cheated on you with. She may as well have cheated with another man because you two were in an exclusive relationship and she didn’t respect the commitment.

It’s because she was kind of bored, and also was in a position to find out more about her sexuality. She is confused about who she is and this was a really shitty way to experiment cuz i don’t care that it was just kissing and with a girl – it hurts so bad to know that she feels something for someone else and went to someone else for something I couldn’t give her. She said its just different, more sensual etc. with a girl.

She is trying to manipulate you. Your feelings are telling you the truth, she violated the commitment. How would she feel if she came home to you kissing another woman, or….another man? And then to use the excuse "I was experimenting, I was bored?" – see my point chief?

I love her, I believe that she loves me, but to me it’s so hard to understand the desire to be with another person if she actually loves me.

That isn’t the problem. We’re all attracted to other people, the issue wasn’t that she desired being with someone else, but that she violated the trust in the relationship. She violated the commitment instead of saying "You know Jack, I’m attracted to women, would you have a problem if I was sexually attracted to women and wanted to experiment with them"

Things would have been entirely different if she said that, wouldn’t they? Yup, because it would have been honest, forthcoming and what she wanted. If you said "No" she could say "Ok, that’s fine" or she could have said "Well I really want to do this, so I’m ending my commitment with you right now.

She could have chosen to honor you even if she still wanted to go her separate way.

I don’t know how to move forward and It’s really hard to know she is at work with this chick right now. I want to tell her that obviously being with anyone else just isn’t an option if she is with me, but considering this happened just two days ago I don’t want to be setting ultimatums like that yet. I don’t want to push her away.

You must honor your own feelings. Is it unacceptable to you that she did this, or can you tolerate it? Ask yourself honestly whether this is the type of person you want to be involved with. See, I’ve had girls who were bisexual and were honest with me. They told me they wanted to have an open relationship, they didn’t lie to me and scurry around like a cockroach behind my back.

She fucked you over, and she’s making excuses, and she’s preying on your emotions. Trust your feelings, you were betrayed and once it’s gone, you can’t get it back without some incredibly big changes, as well as a long healing process.

Personally I would end the relationship, I don’t tolerate being disrespected.

You have to have faith. This happened in October, and we are still working on it sometimes. Sometimes we don’t even think about it, but sometimes, I get a little down, my mind starts racing, etc. Then, I just talk to him about it and things get OK again. I guess it was easier because I had cheated on him almost 2 years ago, so, we were able to compare feelings, and strategies, etc, lol.
She definitely cheated on you in your eyes, I think we can all agree on that.

How you personally feel and respond to it is all up to you. Personally for me I wouldn’t have a problem with my wife with another woman so I wouldn’t feel cheated on in my eyes. Best of luck with whatever you decide.

I am fairly new here too but everyone has made me feel welcome.

There is nothing wrong with LOOKING at the menu even if you are on a diet…It’s when you eat the stuff that you are "cheating"

In other word’s disrespecting you and your relationship.

O really? It sounds like she was trying to justify her actions because she KNEW it was a violation of your commitment. My bf and I went through a rough spot recently. He thinks that cyber sex is not cheating it’s "interactive masturbation"..at this point I made it VERY CLEAR to him that it WAS cheating in my eyes and even if he didn’t feel the same as I did about it, I EXPECT him to RESPECT my feelings about it and not do anything remotely close to that and if he does then it proves he does not respect me. If he did do something like that then we would be finished PERIOD. I agree with Kiri…I have a zero tolerance for, not only cheating, but DISRESPECT!!!

I love her, I believe that she loves me, but to me it’s so hard to understand the desire to be with another person if she actually loves me.
I don’t know how to move forward and It’s really hard to know she is at work with this chick right now. I want to tell her that obviously being with anyone else just isn’t an option if she is with me, but considering this happened just two days ago I don’t want to be setting ultimatums like that yet. I don’t want to push her away.

I know you love her, and what she did truly sucks. However, you know what you are feeling right now…you do not trust her anymore and why should you when she broke that trust in the worst possible way? You have to honestly ask yourself IF you will ever be able to trust her again (which is highly unlikely) because without trust, communication, and above all respect…well, then there is no relationship at all in my opinion. You have to find it in yourself to KNOW and FEEL like you DESERVE better. If you try to work things out, well, I wish you all the luck. I personally would have no problems kicking someone to the curb for this because I love and respect MYSELF too much to LET someone mistreat me in anyway no matter how deeply I care for them!!!!

cherish it, and move on. she’s going to be doing some exploring, whether or not you choose to break up with her.
I’m pretty well convinced at this point that every girl goes through a period of lesbianism. I don’t know a one who hasn’t had a girlfriend in the past. Partly it’s our society’s fascination with (and implicit acceptance of) lesbianism, and partly it’s that women already get certain kinds of attention from each other that men never give them, so why not build a relationship on that? Well, now she’ll get to decide how much she likes it in the long run.

If you want to give her the option to come back to you in the future, that’s your business, but you absolutely must kick her ass out in the cold to get the message across that you want monogamy. It’s up to you if you want to pursue other relationships in the meantime, but it would be a good idea to do so since she might well decide she really doesn’t want you anymore anyway.

And keep in mind that the present doesn’t negate the past — your "awesome past" still happened and those memories are still valid.

/thread
Am I the only one who thinks this would be the greatest thing ever?

If you are dating, sure. If you want to keep a long term relationship then no.

It can work

It wont be healthy.

Healthy schmealthy

You’re bound to have a ton of shitty relationships during your life, why not make one of them REALLY interesting? You’ll only live once

Sure it would have been great, had she told him "before" she cheated on him. Think about it, wouldn’t it be great if you liked men too, and you were making out with one behind her back and she walked in? Wow, wouldn’t it be great, now she can have a threesome with 2 guys!

EWWWW!!! Don’t get me wrong, I have several homosexual male friends, however it is kind of gross to me when they get affectionate. So if I walked in on my bf with another man I would be like….. Thanks MB for that mental picture, excuse me while I go get sick now!!!

.

No different than two women. Only difference is the label in your head. I sure would be pissed either way. Same is same to me.

Agreed..two women together equally gross me out. BTW deusexaethera I have never experimented with another woman. The whole idea of it sickens me. There is absolutely NOTHING another woman can offer me that I don’t already have myself!

Yeah, but you’d have twice as much! Yum, 4 breasts, mmm, 2 vaginas, mmm,
WOWBUZZ, I have a little story for you. My SO of a year and a half dated a woman before me who he completely trusted. They had been living together a very short time but had been dating for about a year and a 1/2 as well. One night they went out drinking with some of her friends and after the bar went to his ex’s girl friends house. They decided to go into the hot tub and the girls went off to change while he went off to change. By the time he got down there he saw his gf making out with her girl friend. He says he was shocked at first but then as a typical drunk male was thinking "maybe I can get in on this." When he tried his gf told him "NO! I can’t share you!"

This turned into a massive fight of how ridiculous she was being. He sobered up and she admitted her and the girl had also fooled around upstairs before coming down. He was crushed. She had cheated on him. She swore it had never happened before and never would again, anything to keep him and at first he said he was willing to look past it and try to mend his trust in her…Within two months they were done and he moved out and met me.

Sure, it might be possible to stay with someone after they cheat on you…but why? Coming from someone who was cheated on by someone she loved and said he loved her back….what’s the point? I know right now I love my bf to death. If fucking Brad Pitt walked up to me right now asking to have sex I’d still say no because I’d know it would just be a pointless fling that would never amount to what I have with my SO. Apparently your girlfriend is changing. Changing into the woman she might fully become and I don’t know if that’s the girl you fell in love with and would want to stay with.

I don’t know, I’ve just learned there’s far too many people in this world for me to date if someone disrespects me in such a careless way.

WOWBUZZ, I have a little story for you. My SO of a year and a half dated a woman before me who he completely trusted. They had been living together a very short time but had been dating for about a year and a 1/2 as well. One night they went out drinking with some of her friends and after the bar went to his ex’s girl friends house. They decided to go into the hot tub and the girls went off to change while he went off to change. By the time he got down there he saw his gf making out with her girl friend. He says he was shocked at first but then as a typical drunk male was thinking "maybe I can get in on this." When he tried his gf told him "NO! I can’t share you!"

This turned into a massive fight of how ridiculous she was being. He sobered up and she admitted her and the girl had also fooled around upstairs before coming down. He was crushed. She had cheated on him. She swore it had never happened before and never would again, anything to keep him and at first he said he was willing to look past it and try to mend his trust in her…Within two months they were done and he moved out and met me.

Sure, it might be possible to stay with someone after they cheat on you…but why? Coming from someone who was cheated on by someone she loved and said he loved her back….what’s the point? I know right now I love my bf to death. Apparently your girlfriend is changing. Changing into the woman she might fully become and I don’t know if that’s the girl you fell in love with and would want to stay with.

I don’t know, I’ve just learned there’s far too many people in this world for me to date if someone disrespects me in such a careless way.

So what you are saying is that the reason you wouldn’t cheat on your bf is because you wouldn’t have a future with Brad Pitt and not because you love your bf.

Oh snap, you’re good at twisting words.

Nice. And no, I’m sure Brad Pitt is vain as fuck. Plus, he screws Angelina, and she grosses me out.

There are many couples on this forum that have a "girlfriend" on the side in which they play with. It is possible to have a friend who joins in from time to time, although I’m sure they trust each other infinitively (and they have rules for when they play..)

There are many couples on this forum that have a "girlfriend" on the side in which they play with. It is possible to have a friend who joins in from time to time, although I’m sure they trust each other infinitively (and they have rules for when they play..)

the thing is, for that to work, the idea should be presented BEFORE anything occurs with the other person.

She cheated on you plain and simple. Cheating destroys trust, with no trust, there can be no relationship.

She’s gonna have to go.

the thing is, for that to work, the idea should be presented BEFORE anything occurs with the other person.

She cheated on you plain and simple. Cheating destroys trust, with no trust, there can be no relationship.

She’s gonna have to go.

Fact
I’m not in a 2-year deal, but if my bonafied "GF" were munching on another girl, then she needs to call tyrone, and she can’t use my phone. I was alone for a long fucking time, I know how it works. I don’t even have a GF, but if one of the girls I was dating told me about scissoring or even being attracted to girls, I’d hit it one more time and never call her again. I ran around with 2-girls in a 3-way relationship for about 1 year, its retarded and stupid.

I fell bad for you, but you don’t want to go down this festival of attention whoring.

My husband knew i was bi since the get go and he knew i wanted the occasional 3way and we spoke about it long before we started going out. We both talked about what each one of us is ok with and what not. I would never cheat on him, but i dont have to because through open communications we came to some rules. If i like a girl and want to be with her he is involved and knows about it up front and has given his agreement on me persuing her. If he is not ok with it I just drop any desires to be with her. He knows however based on our communications that my interest in girls has nothing to do with my feelings towards him. I have always been turned on and found the female body very attractive. My desire to be with a girl is not based on feelings but on lust. I have to feel very close, attracted to, and trust a girl to persue anything with her but as far as relationship goes i cant see it more than a very good friend with options. The girl has to accept me and my husband and respect the fact that there is no way we can have anything more than what i described.

I love him very much more than i have ever loved anyone before and if he was not ok with me being with girls i wouldn’t but that wont change who i am and wont stop my fantasies about being with a female or the interest i show in female pictures or hot girls i see in my daily life.

I think you need to think realy hard and find out what your stand is regarding bisexuality when it comes to females, once you know how you feel about it you need to have a converstation possibly multiple converstations about it with your gf if you choose to stay with her.

You have to express how you feel about it and also put rules on what you would consider good and bad actions on her side. Once you both know where you stand then make a descision if you can live with that arrangment or not.
Had she asked you before hand and you said it was no problem, then no problem. The fact that she didn’t is a no go in my book, even from someone in an open relationship (me).

I would consider this cheating and a lack of respect and I would leave.

the thing is, for that to work, the idea should be presented BEFORE anything occurs with the other person.

She cheated on you plain and simple. Cheating destroys trust, with no trust, there can be no relationship.

She’s gonna have to go.

My husband knew i was bi since the get go and he knew i wanted the occasional 3way and we spoke about it long before we started going out. We both talked about what each one of us is ok with and what not. I would never cheat on him, but i dont have to because through open communications we came to some rules. If i like a girl and want to be with her he is involved and knows about it up front and has given his agreement on me persuing her. If he is not ok with it I just drop any desires to be with her. He knows however based on our communications that my interest in girls has nothing to do with my feelings towards him. I have always been turned on and found the female body very attractive. My desire to be with a girl is not based on feelings but on lust. I have to feel very close, attracted to, and trust a girl to persue anything with her but as far as relationship goes i cant see it more than a very good friend with options. The girl has to accept me and my husband and respect the fact that there is no way we can have anything more than what i described.

I love him very much more than i have ever loved anyone before and if he was not ok with me being with girls i wouldn’t but that wont change who i am and wont stop my fantasies about being with a female or the interest i show in female pictures or hot girls i see in my daily life.

I think you need to think realy hard and find out what your stand is regarding bisexuality when it comes to females, once you know how you feel about it you need to have a converstation possibly multiple converstations about it with your gf if you choose to stay with her.

You have to express how you feel about it and also put rules on what you would consider good and bad actions on her side. Once you both know where you stand then make a descision if you can live with that arrangment or not.

basically im totally cool with her being bi

if we could end up like you two that would be fucking fine with me

just hope i can learn to trust again
first of all thanks for all the responses…this forum is great

second of all, we are separating (like not living together) for some time to give each other some space – we will see what happens

figured I should keep you guys in the loop

no matter what happens i will def be checking back in – no matter what the outcome I’m gonna need some support

My husband knew i was bi since the get go and he knew i wanted the occasional 3way and we spoke about it long before we started going out. We both talked about what each one of us is ok with and what not. I would never cheat on him, but i dont have to because through open communications we came to some rules. If i like a girl and want to be with her he is involved and knows about it up front and has given his agreement on me persuing her. If he is not ok with it I just drop any desires to be with her. He knows however based on our communications that my interest in girls has nothing to do with my feelings towards him. I have always been turned on and found the female body very attractive. My desire to be with a girl is not based on feelings but on lust. I have to feel very close, attracted to, and trust a girl to persue anything with her but as far as relationship goes i cant see it more than a very good friend with options. The girl has to accept me and my husband and respect the fact that there is no way we can have anything more than what i described.

I love him very much more than i have ever loved anyone before and if he was not ok with me being with girls i wouldn’t but that wont change who i am and wont stop my fantasies about being with a female or the interest i show in female pictures or hot girls i see in my daily life.

I think you need to think realy hard and find out what your stand is regarding bisexuality when it comes to females, once you know how you feel about it you need to have a converstation possibly multiple converstations about it with your gf if you choose to stay with her.

You have to express how you feel about it and also put rules on what you would consider good and bad actions on her side. Once you both know where you stand then make a descision if you can live with that arrangment or not.

honestly the more i think about it (lol like 45 seconds) the situation you describe sounds like the best case scenario in our case. hard part would be that i would just have to trust that she would respect my wishes in terms of not pursuing a girl, but your story gives me hope. thanks for the input.

first of all thanks for all the responses…this forum is great

second of all, we are separating (like not living together) for some time to give each other some space – we will see what happens

figured I should keep you guys in the loop

no matter what happens i will def be checking back in – no matter what the outcome I’m gonna need some support

I just have to ask this…because it’s a huge possibility….

On this sort of seperation…are you going to be upset if you later find out your girlfriend is going to see/hookup with other people (most likely women)? Or have you still talked and set some sort of rules that other people are off limits?

A break almost always has someone meeting ans seeing someone new. In your case it’d obviously be your gf since she’s probably wanting to explore her new bisexuality.

there’s another option, which would be to open the relationship.

most often i wouldn’t suggest this but it’s been 4.5 years so you probably have enough emotional investment in this girl that the option of an open relationship might be worth it.

making an open relationship healthy is complicated so let me know if you’re interested, there are some links

one case there was a situation JUST like yours, she experimented outside her relationship.. now things are the way they should be and they’ve gotten to a totally new level of closeness. let me know
update for you guys

we almost broke up…like we were both really close to saying it

then I talked to a couple that is going through similar issues (the husband wants an open relationship, wife doesn’t) and i got a whole new perspective

long story short, I was able to talk to this guy about why he wants an open relationship, what it means, what it doesn’t mean, etc

so my GF and I are going to try it – I told her to do whatever she wants with this girl and I will support her the entire way

this really can’t end much worse than it already has, so I’m hoping things can grow from here

I know this will be extremely hard for me, but I’m really positive right now and can totally see it working out.

I just hope my GF can be honest with me because as long as I know whats going on it just makes me feel like I have more control over the situation. I am really going to actually encourage her to discover more of herself and see what these feelings she has mean, but I need to know about what is going on so I can help her and so I aren’t in the dark. As long as that happens, I think we have a pretty good chance.

thanks again for all your help. this has been a ridiculous roller coaster so far and I plan on updating this thread whenever I need an outlet.

update for you guys

we almost broke up…like we were both really close to saying it

then I talked to a couple that is going through similar issues (the husband wants an open relationship, wife doesn’t) and i got a whole new perspective

long story short, I was able to talk to this guy about why he wants an open relationship, what it means, what it doesn’t mean, etc

so my GF and I are going to try it – I told her to do whatever she wants with this girl and I will support her the entire way

this really can’t end much worse than it already has, so I’m hoping things can grow from here

I know this will be extremely hard for me, but I’m really positive right now and can totally see it working out.

I just hope my GF can be honest with me because as long as I know whats going on it just makes me feel like I have more control over the situation. I am really going to actually encourage her to discover more of herself and see what these feelings she has mean, but I need to know about what is going on so I can help her and so I aren’t in the dark. As long as that happens, I think we have a pretty good chance.

thanks again for all your help. this has been a ridiculous roller coaster so far and I plan on updating this thread whenever I need an outlet.

So you let the fact that she lied to you go?

fixed

I would personally get off right away.
Open relationships have to be built on MAJOR trust to be successful and not end up with someone getting really hurt. I dont see how you two can have any trust at all. You can tell yourself you do, but when it comes down to it, I dont see how you can instinctively trust someone who has screwed you over. You are just setting yourself up for more pain in the future….

update for you guys

we almost broke up…like we were both really close to saying it

then I talked to a couple that is going through similar issues (the husband wants an open relationship, wife doesn’t) and i got a whole new perspective

long story short, I was able to talk to this guy about why he wants an open relationship, what it means, what it doesn’t mean, etc

so my GF and I are going to try it – I told her to do whatever she wants with this girl and I will support her the entire way

this really can’t end much worse than it already has, so I’m hoping things can grow from here

I know this will be extremely hard for me, but I’m really positive right now and can totally see it working out.

I just hope my GF can be honest with me because as long as I know whats going on it just makes me feel like I have more control over the situation. I am really going to actually encourage her to discover more of herself and see what these feelings she has mean, but I need to know about what is going on so I can help her and so I aren’t in the dark. As long as that happens, I think we have a pretty good chance.

thanks again for all your help. this has been a ridiculous roller coaster so far and I plan on updating this thread whenever I need an outlet.

We’ll see you back here soon

so many people take thier time to give good advice and type up long helpful responces, and its all ignored. Happens way to often in here. I guess it shows that in the end you have to be the one to help yourself
I’m going to be blunt, you are being a CHUMP.
She cheated on you, nothing less nothing more. Could have been a guy there it doesn’t make any difference. Now she’s trying to twist your little insecure mind into buying her bogus crap about finding out more about her ‘sexuality’… If she’s bored? she cheats? and you just decide to stay with her? You’re showing her you’re a real push-over; she’s pulling the tarp over your eyes buddy.

Thats what happens with bisexuals when they are first coming into their sexuality. I bounced around between guys and girls for a long time. I would be dating a girl for a year, but have a craving. Then I would be with a guy for a while, and have a craving. It wasn’t until I got serious about my relationships, and knew I had to make a choice. One or the other. Once I made that choice, I’ve been very happy with my BF and haven’t had any desire for the other type, lol.

Yes, she cheated on you, but that doesn’t mean this can’t work out. Alot of people on OT love misery, probably because they are miserable, and misery loves company. I cheated on my current BF, and we got past it. He cheated on me, and we got past it. It has made our relationship stronger. It made us human. We made mistakes. But we learned from them, and we now know neither of us want to be with anyone else. People make mistakes. But I’m telling you this can work out, but its going to take alot of work. But be ready for her to decide she likes women exclusively. Its happened to me before.

Quite frankly it’s funny how you buy your own horse shit, how long have you been with your current girlfriend honey?

I do however agree; that an open line of communication is what matters; CHEATING under no circumstance should be dismissible. You should be speaking about your desires, understandings and setting rules/boundaries from the get go.
im definitely listening to what you guys are saying, but either you misunderstand what I’m saying, or I’m not communicating well, or something.

What im saying is shit is fucked ALREADY. Im not all dreamy eyed and giving this girl another chance. im letting her live with me while she figures shit out, and we will see what happens.

I come here for advice but also just to tell people, because it feels good and helps me, even if there aren’t any responses. If things end up not working out, which is a huge possibility, I won’t feel like doing what im doing made it any worse.

Maybe you guys don’t understand my love for this girl. I love her so much all i want is for her to be happy – whatever that means. No I’m not going to sacrifice my life and tear myself up, but I will sure as hell give it a month and see how things develop.

If she ends up falling in love with this other chick or falling out of love with me than ya ill be sad but im not gonna regret giving her time to figure shit out or the extra month of rent.

I love her unconditionally. that doesnt mean I trust her unconditionally, but I know that everything will be fine and that my life has already been damaged and I am moving on. will there be more pain? yeah. I get it.

I understand that she will hookup with this girl this weekend. they will probably have sex or do whatever two girls do, but we have talked about it. I’m handling it pretty fucking well right now, and the whole point is to see how it is, for both of us.

I might not be able to handle it, there will DEFINITELY be some pain, but shit im willing to stick it out for a little. Its not like ill be waiting for her to come back to me – i am just going to get on with my life, while supporting her with hers.

the universe has alternately fucked me over and taken care of me well my entire life. Im used to it and no matter what happens in this situation there will be more pain and more happiness in my life.

its really hard for me to look at things like this, im sure i sound like a dumb evangelist or some shit but feel free to laugh if I get fucked around with. I just hope this situation will help me grow personally, which it already has.

unleash the hate if you want, I just want to keep you guys posted in what I’m trying out. I personally give myself props for being so open minded. We will see but no matter what everything is gonna be good in the end.

Well you sound like you know what you’re doing; as long as you are making a conscious change, personally I think you are being very weak about it; however it is more important for you to feel good about your decisions, good luck.
thanks guys – support still feels good even if you don’t really think its the right choice

The only reason he thinks it can work out is because he’s had the exact same thing happen to him and we all told HIM the same thing too and he fought us on it.

im definitely listening to what you guys are saying, but either you misunderstand what I’m saying, or I’m not communicating well, or something.

What im saying is shit is fucked ALREADY. Im not all dreamy eyed and giving this girl another chance. im letting her live with me while she figures shit out, and we will see what happens.

I come here for advice but also just to tell people, because it feels good and helps me, even if there aren’t any responses. If things end up not working out, which is a huge possibility, I won’t feel like doing what im doing made it any worse.

Maybe you guys don’t understand my love for this girl. I love her so much all i want is for her to be happy – whatever that means. No I’m not going to sacrifice my life and tear myself up, but I will sure as hell give it a month and see how things develop.

If she ends up falling in love with this other chick or falling out of love with me than ya ill be sad but im not gonna regret giving her time to figure shit out or the extra month of rent.

I love her unconditionally. that doesnt mean I trust her unconditionally, but I know that everything will be fine and that my life has already been damaged and I am moving on. will there be more pain? yeah. I get it.

I understand that she will hookup with this girl this weekend. they will probably have sex or do whatever two girls do, but we have talked about it. I’m handling it pretty fucking well right now, and the whole point is to see how it is, for both of us.

I might not be able to handle it, there will DEFINITELY be some pain, but shit im willing to stick it out for a little. Its not like ill be waiting for her to come back to me – i am just going to get on with my life, while supporting her with hers.

the universe has alternately fucked me over and taken care of me well my entire life. Im used to it and no matter what happens in this situation there will be more pain and more happiness in my life.

its really hard for me to look at things like this, im sure i sound like a dumb evangelist or some shit but feel free to laugh if I get fucked around with. I just hope this situation will help me grow personally, which it already has.

unleash the hate if you want, I just want to keep you guys posted in what I’m trying out. I personally give myself props for being so open minded. We will see but no matter what everything is gonna be good in the end.

I’m going to be blunt…

You ARE going to get hurt, but nothing we can say is going to show you that. You are going to have to experience it for yourself and then you are going to wake up and slap yourself on the head and ask yourself "How could’ve I been so stupid?"

Truth of the matter is, you are in DENIAL. It’s common when you get cheated on. and the truth is, no matter what WE tell you, you are going to have to get burned before you move to the next stage.

The good news is, we’ll be here for you THEN too and then we can focus on helping you rebuild your life without some girl who cheats.
hello,

seems i’ve been ignored (see top of the page) but you took the route i suggested anyway.

here is the link you didn’t ask for. it’s written from the girl’s perspective.

in her situation, she was married to a guy and she cheated on him with a girl.

they are still married. BUT, they are also in an open relationship and they have been for years, by now.

here’s an article from a different perspective. it’s also about two people who have decided that an open relationship is best for them.

you will get a lot of shit from people for not "enforcing" things, but the relationship that I am in myself is not closed and I am generally euphoric about it. we’ve been in love since about 10 months ago.

I’m apprehensive about your decision…

While I do believe couples can bounce back from cheating, I think that bisexual relationships are a bit tricky. I’ve struggled with my sexuality in the past, and no matter what I could never cheat on a guy with a girl. Mainly because when I sought out girls to explore this with, I became insanely emotionally attached to them and that’s what I worry about in your situation. Since she is in the process of "discovering" herself she will become VERY attached to this other woman. Are you sure you’re ready to deal with that?

I’m going to be blunt…

You ARE going to get hurt, but nothing we can say is going to show you that. You are going to have to experience it for yourself and then you are going to wake up and slap yourself on the head and ask yourself "How could’ve I been so stupid?"

Truth of the matter is, you are in DENIAL. It’s common when you get cheated on. and the truth is, no matter what WE tell you, you are going to have to get burned before you move to the next stage.

The good news is, we’ll be here for you THEN too and then we can focus on helping you rebuild your life without some girl who cheats.

I can easily see things the same way.

Thanks for being here, when/if things do end, I will be in here for sure

hello,

seems i’ve been ignored (see top of the page) but you took the route i suggested anyway.

here is the link you didn’t ask for. it’s written from the girl’s perspective.

in her situation, she was married to a guy and she cheated on him with a girl.

they are still married. BUT, they are also in an open relationship and they have been for years, by now.

here’s an article from a different perspective. it’s also about two people who have decided that an open relationship is best for them.

you will get a lot of shit from people for not "enforcing" things, but the relationship that I am in myself is not closed and I am generally euphoric about it. we’ve been in love since about 10 months ago.

hey thanks for the info. I wasn’t ignoring you, I was just responding to the responses as a whole. I think that an open relationship is an option, and that is pretty much what we are trying out right now. I want to try it out because I am pretty sure I can’t handle it, but I won’t know until I try it. Thing is, I won’t know if its an open relationship or if she is just telling her that she loves me so that she has somewhere to stay. That will be decided in my mind by how much she is focusing on our relationship. Problem with that is I think she is infatuated with this new, cool relationship. what is your open relationship like? how do you know that she loves you more than anyone else? how do you get over the fact that sometimes it seems like she is really into the other person but not you? insight is much appreciated

I’m apprehensive about your decision…

While I do believe couples can bounce back from cheating, I think that bisexual relationships are a bit tricky. I’ve struggled with my sexuality in the past, and no matter what I could never cheat on a guy with a girl. Mainly because when I sought out girls to explore this with, I became insanely emotionally attached to them and that’s what I worry about in your situation. Since she is in the process of "discovering" herself she will become VERY attached to this other woman. Are you sure you’re ready to deal with that?

well i mean thats obviously a possibility, a very probable one. I think I just want her to figure herself out. she better be able to tell me if she is way attached to that girl, cuz thats when its time to leave. otherwise im just torturing myself. right?

you are welcome.

The trust thing is going to take time and work on both of your sides. You need to find a place in your mind where where you distiguish between her being with another guy and her being with another girl. If you need help as a point of view try thinking that what she is looking for in a girl is not what you have but either way none of that will work before you two get on the same page and agree on some basic rules and understand how you want her new sexual orientation to be incorporated in your relationship

did you just admit that you are in a relationship???!!!!!!????????!!!!!!!!!

you will get a lot of shit from people for not "enforcing" things, but the relationship that I am in myself is not closed and I am generally euphoric about it. we’ve been in love since about 10 months ago.

dont think anyone is saying there is anything wrong with an open relationship. But it seems you have discussed it beforehand with your SO, which doesnt seem to be the case here.

I will answer your questions. My situation is different from yours, and from the sound of it, less testing. But first of all. Did you read those articles?

i know, hence the links to people who wrote about experiences that were similar.

i read the first one and it sounded extremely applicable. especially so in that the guy doesn’t really feel the need to go out and get things for himself, and he doesn’t know how he feels about his wife doing it.

Sometimes being that guy would make me feel like a huge pussy. That and the fact that I’m pretty sure she doesn’t want a threesome so I would be less involved. but it comes down to if i KNEW she loved me I would really be ok with that. but if there was doubt or no effective communication I can’t see that working.

fucking great find though

I had a guy try to pull this on me some nights ago.

I told him that my lover and I were not boyfriend and girlfriend and that we were not in a closed relationship.

He said, "[patronizing tone] That’s a shame, it must make you feel pretty low when you see her doing stuff with other guys, but good for you for putting up with it. I don’t think I would put up with that, but she is really hot so I can see why you take what you can get."

Guys will pull this on you all the time if you go out and socialize with her, so watch out. They aren’t sleeping with her, and you are – so putting themselves "above" you makes them feel better about the whole thing. Pretty obvious, but it can be hard to remember IN the moment.

What guys will say to you is also pretty insidious because it draws upon very deep social conditioning. Your subconscious wants to agree with them because you learned certain things about love: if it’s not tunnel-visioned, it’s fake; if it’s love, one person should be enough; if she "wanders" it means you’re not man enough to keep her attention; etc. All your life. Messages coming from just about every corner.

I said to the guy:

"Yeah, maybe she doesn’t love me."

In terms of social warfare, that was a good thing for me to say, because a) the guy could tell I found the possibility completely absurd that she didn’t love me, b) it put him in an awkward position because it made it seem like he was attacking my relationship, which is chode behavior.

But moreover, it touched on the one thing it really comes down to…

it comes down to if i KNEW she loved me I would really be ok with that.

I 100% agree.
P.S.

I gotta go pretty soon. But I would really, really like you to look into something for me.

The link I sent you was very pertinent. Right?

It came through for you. Like I said it would. Right?

Ok. So, what I ask you to do now, is to purchase or download a copy of a book with a rather grandiose title:

"The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities".
would you be ok if her experimenting with other women involved you?

I don’t expect a whole lot of help because I have no avatar, but I can’t stop thinking about my problem.

I am a guy, and my gf (2.5 years – lived together the whole time) recently realized that she is also attracted to women.

she likes a girl that she works with and I came home to find them kissing with the lights off.

So after getting over the shock of being cheated on, which fucking sucked, we talked and we both love each other and don’t want the other to leave. We have such an awesome past and its not like she did it because she doesn’t like me. It’s because she was kind of bored, and also was in a position to find out more about her sexuality. She is confused about who she is and this was a really shitty way to experiment cuz i don’t care that it was just kissing and with a girl – it hurts so bad to know that she feels something for someone else and went to someone else for something I couldn’t give her. She said its just different, more sensual etc. with a girl.

I love her, I believe that she loves me, but to me it’s so hard to understand the desire to be with another person if she actually loves me.
I don’t know how to move forward and It’s really hard to know she is at work with this chick right now. I want to tell her that obviously being with anyone else just isn’t an option if she is with me, but considering this happened just two days ago I don’t want to be setting ultimatums like that yet. I don’t want to push her away.

The average american city has at least 1 million (yes, MILLION) beautiful eligible women.

Why are you still here?

The time to break up and date another was 6 yesterdays ago.

i read the first one and it sounded extremely applicable. especially so in that the guy doesn’t really feel the need to go out and get things for himself, and he doesn’t know how he feels about his wife doing it.

Sometimes being that guy would make me feel like a huge pussy. That and the fact that I’m pretty sure she doesn’t want a threesome so I would be less involved. but it comes down to if i KNEW she loved me I would really be ok with that. but if there was doubt or no effective communication I can’t see that working.

fucking great find though

i’ll have to be forgiven in this case, for what i say may be out of line

YOU SIR ARE A FUCKING IDIOT

when you love someone you love them for what they are and who they are, you respect their emotions and feelings. to cheat is the number-FUCKING 1 way to show someone that you do not love them, respect them or hold any value for them.

CHEATING IS FUCKING CHEATING REGARDLESS OF GENDER
you are a fool for thinking otherwise and your emotional weakness is pitiful, man up and go find a woman who is deserving of your respect and currently misguided feelings.

A woman desires a man of strength and character and the fact that your so wishy washy of this cheating fiasco proves that you are neither the former or the latter. GO and do so personal growing up and learn to be a strong man worth a womans admiration, a man who would have the morality and strength of character to not tolerate cheating.

IF you continue down this path of idiocy your doomed to repeat the same painful scenario over and over again.

i’ll have to be forgiven in this case, for what i say may be out of line

YOU SIR ARE A FUCKING IDIOT

when you love someone you love them for what they are and who they are, you respect their emotions and feelings. to cheat is the number-FUCKING 1 way to show someone that you do not love them, respect them or hold any value for them.

CHEATING IS FUCKING CHEATING REGARDLESS OF GENDER
you are a fool for thinking otherwise and your emotional weakness is pitiful, man up and go find a woman who is deserving of your respect and currently misguided feelings.

A woman desires a man of strength and character and the fact that your so wishy washy of this cheating fiasco proves that you are neither the former or the latter. GO and do so personal growing up and learn to be a strong man worth a womans admiration, a man who would have the morality and strength of character to not tolerate cheating.

IF you continue down this path of idiocy your doomed to repeat the same painful scenario over and over again.

.

The average american city has at least 1 million (yes, MILLION) beautiful eligible women.

Why are you still here?

The time to break up and date another was 6 yesterdays ago.

and I can date any of them I want

hell yeah

P.S.

I gotta go pretty soon. But I would really, really like you to look into something for me.

The link I sent you was very pertinent. Right?

It came through for you. Like I said it would. Right?

Ok. So, what I ask you to do now, is to purchase or download a copy of a book with a rather grandiose title:

"The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities".

I’ll check it out. Your book? anyway thanks for the help.
her actions then is just a taste of her actions later on.

yeah but we are now in an open relationship lol she can do whatever she wants she just has to keep me in the loop

i don’t know who wrote it. i think it’s relatively old, or at least written in the 20th century.

so i read your articles, you promised to fill me in on your similar relationship

ah… ok i have a little little time, i will tell you my situation.

it’s similar to yours because she and i are not in a closed relationship. i let a fuck buddy suck my dick, she’s been fondled… that sort of thing. we haven’t gone "all the way" yet, i..e. neither of us has experienced vaginal-penile penetration since we fell in love with each other, but that is a matter of time.

i don’t consider her my "girlfriend." I find that term derogatory. the best term i know is "lover." most people seem to feel the need to form structural agreements around their feelings towards each other. when i started falling in love, i thought to myself, ok, i’m falling in love here, how am i going to deal with that fact? not with a bunch of rules, was my answer. i figured i would just go with the flow, and make a mess of things. that is still my m.o.

"lover" is just to say that she is someone i am in love with who is also in love with me. lover. simple. amazing how difficult it is to describe tp people something that is so simple.

although we don’t feel like "girlfriend-boyfriend" fits what we have, that has no bearing on the depth of our feeling towards each other – it doesn’t mean our connection lacks meaning. to offer some relationship "stats" , i went to see her family in asia and italy, and we’ll be getting a place together in a couple of months in nyc.

on the other hand, my relationship is very different from yours because this girl and i never had a closed relationship in the first place. some people argue that relationships are like ming vases: you can mold them, shape them, form them in the beginning, but once they harden, it can become VERY difficult to change them without cracking the whole thing.

that sounds depressing, so here’s the counter argument to that analogy.

the counter argument is, so what? don’t limit your own potential just because everyone else is incapable of reshaping ming vases.

ask me questions and i will tell you more. g2g soon
if i can further clarify why gf-bf doesn’t appeal to us… consider the fact that it is possible not to be in love with your girlfriend. and yet she may not be a fuck-buddy or monogamous friend with benefits: a girlfriend whom you are not in love with. quite possible.

so what else does it mean, to say a girl is your girlfriend, other than your emotional status?

it’s those other meanings and implications we find ominous.

most people don’t mind them or don’t see them, but i don’t like ’em.

I once had a girl lie to me, I then compromised allowing something similar to what you’re doing go on, and she even violated that by "not" keeping me in the loop. It was a long time ago.
what if she just forgets to tell you every little detail but you think she is lying to you?

fuck me good question. i guess thats when ill have to trust her. i just hope that doesn’t happen until i have built up enough trust to trust her

Good luck with that, now you’re asking a dishonest person to be honest about something when they couldn’t even get it right the first time. Do you see the logic here? Or should I say illogic?

personality not If he believes that he will be fine in open relationship then let him be.

no matter what happens it will be good for me in a huge way.

yeah i totally get it. but im gonna try it till I cant stand it anymore. no matter what happens i will be a stronger person.

Also, does that mean you can tap other women now too since it’s "open" and all? Oh and can you bang any of the chicks she’s banging, and you know….like…. share and stuff. *teehee*.

Also, does that mean you can tap other women now too since it’s "open" and all? Oh and can you bang any of the chicks she’s banging, and you know….like…. share and stuff. *teehee*.

I honestly can’t tell what tone is behind those words so I’ll just treat as if you were seriously asking me those questions.

If I am seriously attracted to another woman I will tell my gf and she will not like it but will understand my feeling. whether or not I act on my feelings will depend on how I feel about this other person.

She is currently with a lesbian, so being involved in that is not really an option.

I think I would rather have a threesome with my gf and her gf than just have them banging, and I think my gf would rather have a threesome than have me just banging some other girl. I don’t think my gf is too hot on the threesome idea because she likes the attention of someone else being interested in just her, but I don’t think she is sure how she feels either.

I would obviously rather be involved in any other relationship that my gf is having than not be involved.

i’ll have to be forgiven in this case, for what i say may be out of line

YOU SIR ARE A FUCKING IDIOT

when you love someone you love them for what they are and who they are, you respect their emotions and feelings. to cheat is the number-FUCKING 1 way to show someone that you do not love them, respect them or hold any value for them.

Do you Know the meaning of fidelity? she cheated on you and told you about it after, she didn’t ask you for permission she outright cheated on you friend and you still crawl back " So after getting over the shock of being cheated on" was it not you that made this statement
CHEATING IS FUCKING CHEATING REGARDLESS OF GENDER
you are a fool for thinking otherwise and your emotional weakness is pitiful, man up and go find a woman who is deserving of your respect and currently misguided feelings.

did you read the article that JJJohnson posted?

In fact i did read it and unfortunately it it doesn’t relegate the fact of what happened theres no justification for it, and it shows no respect love or consideration for the other person. regardless of what anyone says.
A woman desires a man of strength and character and the fact that your so wishy washy of this cheating fiasco proves that you are neither the former or the latter. GO and do so personal growing up and learn to be a strong man worth a womans admiration, a man who would have the morality and strength of character to not tolerate cheating.

IF you continue down this path of idiocy your doomed to repeat the same painful scenario over and over again.

Fair enough love is an admirable if misguided reasoning to do a lot of things,just make sure your not to busy staying true to your admirable feelings to realize that the other person has no such qualities that merit admiration

1
To the OP: You say it wasn’t cheating because she told you…so if that’s fair, you should be able to do the same thing.

Go out, find some woman, fool around/sleep with her. Then tell the gf. Be sure to tell her, "it’s no big deal, it’s not cheating, because I told you". If she’s fine with it, then you know she is being fair.

If she’s NOT fine with it, then she’s being selfish and only caring about getting what she wants.

If you are fine with excusing her actions, she should be fine with excusing yours.

So, go do it. Seriously, I want you to.

I’m interested in how it would turn out.

Originally Posted by WOMBUZZ
i’ll have to be forgiven in this case, for what i say may be out of line

YOU SIR ARE A FUCKING IDIOT

when you love someone you love them for what they are and who they are, you respect their emotions and feelings. to cheat is the number-FUCKING 1 way to show someone that you do not love them, respect them or hold any value for them.

Do you Know the meaning of fidelity? she cheated on you and told you about it after, she didn’t ask you for permission she outright cheated on you friend and you still crawl back " So after getting over the shock of being cheated on" was it not you that made this statement

CHEATING IS FUCKING CHEATING REGARDLESS OF GENDER
you are a fool for thinking otherwise and your emotional weakness is pitiful, man up and go find a woman who is deserving of your respect and currently misguided feelings.

did you read the article that JJJohnson posted?

In fact i did read it and unfortunately it it doesn’t relegate the fact of what happened theres no justification for it, and it shows no respect love or consideration for the other person. regardless of what anyone says.

A woman desires a man of strength and character and the fact that your so wishy washy of this cheating fiasco proves that you are neither the former or the latter. GO and do so personal growing up and learn to be a strong man worth a womans admiration, a man who would have the morality and strength of character to not tolerate cheating.

IF you continue down this path of idiocy your doomed to repeat the same painful scenario over and over again.

Fair enough love is an admirable if misguided reasoning to do a lot of things,just make sure your not to busy staying true to your admirable feelings to realize that the other person has no such qualities that merit admiration

1

To the OP: You say it wasn’t cheating because she told you…so if that’s fair, you should be able to do the same thing.

Go out, find some woman, fool around/sleep with her. Then tell the gf. Be sure to tell her, "it’s no big deal, it’s not cheating, because I told you". If she’s fine with it, then you know she is being fair.

If she’s NOT fine with it, then she’s being selfish and only caring about getting what she wants.

If you are fine with excusing her actions, she should be fine with excusing yours.

So, go do it. Seriously, I want you to.

I’m interested in how it would turn out.

I am really interested in this also. I think it would help her appreciate what a good thing we had. But I’m not going to go looking for it.

why not? she did. If she’s going to pull this shit on you, you have two choices. You stand up to her, tell her you aren’t going to tolerate it, or you do the same thing. You don’t just sit there and allow her to take advantage of you like that.

And honestly? Wat it comes down to is that she CHEATED on you, then told you about it. You can’t say it wasn’t cheating…in order for it not to be cheating, she would have needed to bring it up to you beforehand, gotten your OK, then gotten with the other girl.

It doesn’t matter that it was with a girl. She has shown you that in her mind, you aren’t good enough for her…she had to go to someone else. What she is ACTUALLY showing you, is that SHE is not good enough FOR YOU. She couldn’t stay faithful to you.

Think about that long and hard.
Bad Country Song: You can’t call it cheating, because she reminds me of you.

why not? she did. If she’s going to pull this shit on you, you have two choices. You stand up to her, tell her you aren’t going to tolerate it, or you do the same thing. You don’t just sit there and allow her to take advantage of you like that.

And honestly? Wat it comes down to is that she CHEATED on you, then told you about it. You can’t say it wasn’t cheating…in order for it not to be cheating, she would have needed to bring it up to you beforehand, gotten your OK, then gotten with the other girl.

It doesn’t matter that it was with a girl. She has shown you that in her mind, you aren’t good enough for her…she had to go to someone else. What she is ACTUALLY showing you, is that SHE is not good enough FOR YOU. She couldn’t stay faithful to you.

Think about that long and hard.

lol if im gonna think like that i should just end things. focusing on the negative is gonna fuck me in this situation.

lol

she loves country
ok guys update time

the gf (or whatever she is at this point) has decided to move out. we both think it is a good idea.

we both need space, and I need to let go of her before this whole thing can work out.

we both need to mature and she needs to know that i am the one she wants to be with. only way to find out is to do things by herself (and with other people) for a while

I know I love her, but its too hard for me to be around her when she doesn’t know what she wants. plus I can never be the guy she wants me to be or the guy I used to be if I am always worried about something. I need to let go.

can’t really stop thinking about it, but I seem to really only keep coming to the conclusion that this is a good thing no matter what happens. This experience will make us both more mature and if we grow apart well than we grow apart. If we don’t get back together, if things fall apart, it would probably have happened anyway sometime or another.

plus if things don’t work out now, there’s no saying that we won’t be friends for life, or try things in ten years.

I think I’m going to try and hang out with friends to keep my mind off things , and it will also help me appreciate myself.

I can’t imagine anyone like my gf (for lack of a better term) being nearly as cool or desireable to hang out with, and I’m not going to go looking for it (i hate trying to pick up chicks anyway), but if I meet someone special or someone that wants to share their affection with me I think it would be stupid to pass that up. either I will realize how much better it is than the girl I am going through all this for, or I will appreciate my gf more. Plus my gf will be seeing her gf during this time I am sure. And if my gf decides she wants to come back then I would easily drop everything and be ready to make it work again. but if not then I might as well not have been waiting the whole time.

feels good to get all this out
questions? comments? advice? I think I’m on the right track here.
Yeah if she wants a break, being obsessive about her and trying to get her back can only ruin your chances in the future. Let her go and show her that you don’t need her and she may come back to you.

Sorry the MFF didn’t work out…
So did you guys "break up"? or just "take a break"?

Because I can probably tell you what will happen if you two are just "taking a break". She’ll move on and go find someone else to be with…you’ll maybe make some half hearted attempts to date others, but in the back of your mind, you’ll be saying "I’m waiting to see if she comes back to me".

And you will use it as a crutch and never fully move on.

The best thing ANYONE can do when their SO suggests a "break" is say and think "OK, we’re broken up then".

So did you guys "break up"? or just "take a break"?

Because I can probably tell you what will happen if you two are just "taking a break". She’ll move on and go find someone else to be with…you’ll maybe make some half hearted attempts to date others, but in the back of your mind, you’ll be saying "I’m waiting to see if she comes back to me".

And you will use it as a crutch and never fully move on.

The best thing ANYONE can do when their SO suggests a "break" is say and think "OK, we’re broken up then".

It can be more than a break but less than a break-up. I don’t really trust your judgment, Matt.

OP, you need to make an actual effort to gain independence. Possibly date around, if you choose to, but do NOT factor in the possibility that you may get back together any time soon.

If what you guys have really is that special, it will show and things will turn out the way you currently hope.

If it isn’t, it’s for the best anyway.

ok guys update time

the gf (or whatever she is at this point) has decided to move out. we both think it is a good idea.

Good, she’s full of drama.

we both need space, and I need to let go of her before this whole thing can work out.

No, she needed to not cheat.

we both need to mature and she needs to know that i am the one she wants to be with. only way to find out is to do things by herself (and with other people) for a while

Not going to happen, she’s already decided.

I know I love her, but its too hard for me to be around her when she doesn’t know what she wants. plus I can never be the guy she wants me to be or the guy I used to be if I am always worried about something. I need to let go.

Yeah, you need to let go of her.

can’t really stop thinking about it, but I seem to really only keep coming to the conclusion that this is a good thing no matter what happens. This experience will make us both more mature and if we grow apart well than we grow apart. If we don’t get back together, if things fall apart, it would probably have happened anyway sometime or another.

You’re very optimistic. Me, had I been in this situation, the first thing I would have done was said "This relationship is over." — I have too much experience and I care about myself too much to allow my boundaries to be crushed and disrespected.

plus if things don’t work out now, there’s no saying that we won’t be friends for life, or try things in ten years.

People always say this. It’s a way to help them from having to suffer the acute loss, which is inevitable.

I think I’m going to try and hang out with friends to keep my mind off things , and it will also help me appreciate myself.

Smart move.

I can’t imagine anyone like my gf (for lack of a better term) being nearly as cool or desireable to hang out with, and I’m not going to go looking for it (i hate trying to pick up chicks anyway), but if I meet someone special or someone that wants to share their affection with me I think it would be stupid to pass that up. either I will realize how much better it is than the girl I am going through all this for, or I will appreciate my gf more. Plus my gf will be seeing her gf during this time I am sure. And if my gf decides she wants to come back then I would easily drop everything and be ready to make it work again. but if not then I might as well not have been waiting the whole time.

I don’t know how you can stand this. I stand by my rule: Never go back. She hasn’t changed. You’re going to get hurt somemore."

feels good to get all this out

Good, I’m glad. Sorry the inevitable came to fruition.
yeah its pretty much over you need to start looking and dating and trying to get over her. she is walking all over you and you are letting her

fuckin

I agree. I can see getting over cheating if it’s really early in the relationship if one of the persons didn’t realize there was something there. Not saying it’s a good thing but at least if you didn’t love each other at the time you’ll know that they didn’t throw that love back in your face.
Ok update time

so after a lot of back and forth, the gf is moving out, and we are broken up.

We still love each other, but I don’t respect what she did, and she is physically attracted to girls right now.

I just wanted to come in here and give props to the people that told me to end it, because they were right that this was inevitable.

At the same time I don’t regret how I handled things, and I think things are ending relatively well.

I take comfort in the fact that I didn’t cheat on my gf during this time. I did have the chance.

I take comfort in knowing that I didn’t do anything wrong, except maybe prolong my own pain or allow myself to get taken advantage of.

I take comfort in knowing that my life will be fine, I don’t really have any issues, I know who I am, I know what I want, and that is more than most people can say.

so thats it. This chapter of my life is finally coming to an end and I’m excited for the future.

Ok update time

so after a lot of back and forth, the gf is moving out, and we are broken up.

We still love each other, but I don’t respect what she did, and she is physically attracted to girls right now.

I just wanted to come in here and give props to the people that told me to end it, because they were right that this was inevitable.

At the same time I don’t regret how I handled things, and I think things are ending relatively well.

I take comfort in the fact that I didn’t cheat on my gf during this time. I did have the chance.

I take comfort in knowing that I didn’t do anything wrong, except maybe prolong my own pain or allow myself to get taken advantage of.

I take comfort in knowing that my life will be fine, I don’t really have any issues, I know who I am, I know what I want, and that is more than most people can say.

so thats it. This chapter of my life is finally coming to an end and I’m excited for the future.

Glad it’s done with and you are looking at the positives.

Good luck!

You aren’t going to find any magic solutions in this thread. She was willing to risk NEVER seeing you again to experiment. If that doesn’t say she doesn’t want to be with you then i don’t know what else to tell you. People usually stay with someone that cheated because they’re too scared to be by themselves and they’re ignoring the fact that something was missing from the relationship to begin with.

EDIT: Should read dates

Good luck
I’m bisexual. My boyfriend knows and accepts it. However, I always make an effort to include him in my extracurricular activities. He enjoys that. We agreed that the other should be involved in order to reduce jealously. It’s worked so far. Maybe you could suggest a 3-some. It would give you the opportunity to enjoy your girlfriend and her friend, and for them to enjoy each other. You may like it more than you think.
Limits must be set, however, to ensure that boundaries are not crossed. Limits may also allow you to look at the situation as something other than cheating.
Also, it is important that you accept your girlfriend as who she is, sexual orientation included. But cheating is never acceptable.
EVERYONE READ THE UPDATE

Ok update time

so after a lot of back and forth, the gf is moving out, and we are broken up.

We still love each other, but I don’t respect what she did, and she is physically attracted to girls right now.

I just wanted to come in here and give props to the people that told me to end it, because they were right that this was inevitable.

At the same time I don’t regret how I handled things, and I think things are ending relatively well.

I take comfort in the fact that I didn’t cheat on my gf during this time. I did have the chance.

I take comfort in knowing that I didn’t do anything wrong, except maybe prolong my own pain or allow myself to get taken advantage of.

I take comfort in knowing that my life will be fine, I don’t really have any issues, I know who I am, I know what I want, and that is more than most people can say.

so thats it. This chapter of my life is finally coming to an end and I’m excited for the future.

I don’t expect a whole lot of help because I have no avatar, but I can’t stop thinking about my problem.

I am a guy, and my gf (2.5 years – lived together the whole time) recently realized that she is also attracted to women.

she likes a girl that she works with and I came home to find them kissing with the lights off.

So after getting over the shock of being cheated on, which fucking sucked, we talked and we both love each other and don’t want the other to leave. We have such an awesome past and its not like she did it because she doesn’t like me. It’s because she was kind of bored, and also was in a position to find out more about her sexuality. She is confused about who she is and this was a really shitty way to experiment cuz i don’t care that it was just kissing and with a girl – it hurts so bad to know that she feels something for someone else and went to someone else for something I couldn’t give her. She said its just different, more sensual etc. with a girl.

I love her, I believe that she loves me, but to me it’s so hard to understand the desire to be with another person if she actually loves me.
I don’t know how to move forward and It’s really hard to know she is at work with this chick right now. I want to tell her that obviously being with anyone else just isn’t an option if she is with me, but considering this happened just two days ago I don’t want to be setting ultimatums like that yet. I don’t want to push her away.

Next her.

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