How to React

Hey Guys,

I’ve posted here in the past a couple times so I kinda know the drill.

Here’s the background info.

My GF and I have been going out for 7 months now which is the longest relationship I’ve been in. We met at university, and really hit it off well. We are both in love with each other and I am pretty sure we have something very special. I trust her completely 100% and she is getting to that way with me also. However, before us, she was dating someone in high school for 2-3 years. He cheated on her, broke her heart, and they split up. Note: there was a one or more year gap between their breakup and us finding each other so I have no worries about being "the rebound" at all. The thing is, her best friend in the world happens to be best friends with her ex. I know. Anyways, whenever her bf calls my GF to hang out and she goes over, the ex is there too.

Now the issue at hand.

Recently (twice actually) the ex has made passes for my GF at parties which her bf is throwing. He even went as far as to kiss her and tell her he loves her. I completely trust her when she tells me she stopped him right there and went home, and that she wants no one else but me. Trust is not the issue at hand here (although it might look like it). The real question is how do I deal with her ex and best friend?

I think I know how I want to react but I want to get a couple opinions from here so I know what she’ll say or I can change what I’m going to do. Today again my GF was asked by her best friend to come over tonight to hang out and was told her ex was going to be there. Now I thought I was good friends with the "best friend" character, however, to me it almost seems like she is trying to break us up. Maybe I’m just being jealous here, or greedy about my GF, but this "best friend" knows that the ex tried something on my GF, is best friends with the ex, knows I can’t attend the party since I live 2 hours away, but yet still knows that my GF and I are serious.

In terms of the ex, I’ve never had to deal with one before so I want to make sure mainly that I don’t piss off my gf. I could care less about the ex and bf but I want to make my GF happy and give her the life she deserves. However, I also want to fight for my love and not seem like a pushover. So I’m sort of torn between taking the higher road and beating the shit out of this guy. Thoughts?


I guess all I’m really asking is do I confront my gf with all this? Should I talk with her about my suspicions about her best friend? How do I deal with the best friend issue – should I confront her? How do I deal with ex issue – class or glass?

Thanks for any help and I’ll try and sort this out/make it less confusing. Just needed to vent and get this out of my system.
Simple: Her ex is not your baggage or problem to deal with. If he is trying to get with her, its her job to make sure nothing happens. Getting involved with him is not only immature but REALLY stupid, you will be the one losing out in the end if that happens.

Keep your cool and if you love her trust her. Ya know, ive been married for a while and there are still people that hit on my wife…and you cant miss the ring on her finger. Its something that happens, just like I get hit on when I go out. Its all about trust…you cant control what other people do.
Next time you see her ex bf, pull him aside and tell him that the next time you hear about him making moves on your girl that you’ll beat his face in. He had his chance with her and he fucked it up. Tell him to get bent.

As with the best friend, bitch slap her and tell her to mind her own business and stop trying to break you up.
Thanks Red. That’s what I was thinking too. My only problem is I don’t want to fall into the nice guy trap.
I would go with her to the next party she’s invited to, and confront him. Calmly tell him to his face that she is with you, that you both love eachother, and he fucked up bad when he cheated on her and lost his chance.

If he keeps up hitting on her, especially in front of you, then lay him out. Sometimes violence is an answer, although you need to be careful about the law.
at the very least, accompany her to every party she’s invited to (assuming she has no objections). As her boyfriend, you have every right to attend parties she’s invited to, even if you weren’t specifically invited.
The only problem with attending these parties is I work 9-5 in one city, while she only works 4-8 in another city 2 hours away. Add to that the fact I car pool and rarely have my car, and it’s a bit of extra work to make it to these "parties" and back to work each time.

Last night she turned down an invitation to one of the get togethers where her bf yet again tried to get her to come hang out with her ex and the rest of them. I just don’t understand why she would continue to associate with her ex. Doesn’t make sense at all to me.

Fuck I hate long distance relationships.

Why? Nice guys really dont finish last. Once you get away from being a teenager, mature girls dont look for the asshole anymore. Really, be yourself…if your a nice guy, dont feel like you have to be anything else but that.

Im a nice guy, a really nice guy, and ive been screwed over before because of it. I grew up and I stayed myself, and I found someone who loves me for it.

I feel ya man, my wife is in law school and she has about a 1.5 hr commute. Sometimes I have to sacrifice going out because id rather wait for her. Other times I go out with my buddies and have a good time anyways. I know she doesnt worry about me, just like I dont worry when she has to stay late at law school with her study groups

Its tough sometimes no doubt. Im a guy, and I cant lie and say my mind never wonders. But when it does, I just realize there is nothing I can do about what she does when I am away, so why worry about it? Its hard not too, but its something you have to force yourself to do. Over time it becomes easier.

Last night she turned down an invitation to one of the get togethers where her bf yet again tried to get her to come hang out with her ex and the rest of them. I just don’t understand why she would continue to associate with her ex. Doesn’t make sense at all to me.

Some people leave releationship on good terms. I have past ex’s that I still trust and speak too. Now, I probably wouldnt hang out with them alone, but thats just a choice I make not something my wife tries to force on me. My wife and I did agree before we were married to try and avoid situations where things COULD go wrong or look wrong. Obviously you can’t avoid everything like that, but we strive too. Maybe you should talk to her about this. Don’t make demands, but let her know you both should try to avoid situations the other wouldnt aprove of, not that you need permission, but just somewhat out of respect for the relationship.

Fuck I hate long distance relationships.

There are few things that are tougher than LDR’s. However, when you pull through, the trust you can build becomes unbreakable.
Stay out of it. Confronting/talking to the ex just shows him "I’m actually worried that you might get my gf if you keep trying, so I have to try to scare you off".

The best thing you can do is to forget that he exists….leave it up to your gf. She’ll either reject his advances, or not.
If youre girlfriend is truly uncomfortable in the situation (and she should be), why isnt she talking to her best friend? She really needs to lay it out for her bestfriend, so that she knows that she does not want to be in a situation where the ex is anywhere close.

Yes, thats likely to cause a rift in the friendship (it shouldnt, but does), but I see a total lack of consideration for the situation on the best friends part, assuming everything you said is complete and accurate. Putting her best friend in an uncomfortable situation is not very friendly.

Your girlfriend should really be stepping up here and telling her friend that she doesnt want to hang out with her AND this ex. If shes not willing to do that, than things arent as you describe them…

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