New Girl, We’re kinda in Love, But She Might NOT Feel the Same. v. Hints, Help!

I’ve been going out with this girl from work for about 2 months, and things are going great, we kiss, play around, watch movies, makeout, etc. Except here’s where things get a bit confusing, and make me want to leave her, even though I know there’s potential and I’m falling in love with her.

I’m positive she is falling in love with me, she asks me to hang out every-night and comes onto me alot. She’s said, "I love everything about you," and other hints. And personally I know where falling for each other.

Here’s where it gets rough/confusing, and where I need some help.

+ One night we were going father’s day shopping and her ex [they broke up 1 month ago.] leaves her a voicemail asking why she called. She calls him back and say’s she never did. However, he begins to tell her he wants to talk, and when he asks who’s shes with right now, she says shes alone and with no-one. All while I’m sitting in the car with her, she lies to him saying she’s out by herself.

+ She won’t have sex with me or let me feel her up, or down beacuse she has a Post Tramtic stress problem from a bad past. I don’t know if this is an excuse or real, beacuse she really did have a problem with drugs, etc. But I’m not sure how it connects with the sex, so I believe her somewhat. Note, she told me this a few nights are, and said I want to be honest with you.

+ The other night she goes out with two guys and her freind to a hookah bar, and texts me saying the guys are losers, boring, and ugly. She asks me to come over and I do. When I get there, she shows me no public affection even when I tried to kiss her, she backed away a bit like she was shy. But she’s a crazy girl and not shy. I’m confused there beacuse we were at the same place three nights ago, and she was all over me when we were alone.

+ She started hanging out with some guy from a youth group who she has’nt seen in 4 years. When they were younger [8th grade], she and him were together, and she says she gave him "shitty" head because he kept asking her to do it. However, they used to hang out ALOT, and smoke in the woods, almost everyday way back. The guy is a total loser/white trash, I think she has more class than that, she would choose me, but they’ve had a good/bad long history. So, she invites me to the same place tonight and he’s there like she said, he’s cool, but she laughed with him alot, and seemed to give him to eyes, etc. She did not even call me, babe, hun, baby, etc. Or even kiss me once.

Now I’m really looking forward to falling in love with her, I already love so much about her, but sometimes I feel like I need to end things before I actually do fall in love and get really hurt. Right now, I’d be somewhat hurt, but I’m more confused overall.

If we were together, I’d completly trust her, but were not. So The main thing is I don’t know what her intentions are, or what she wants anymore. Am I just some boy-toy or does she really want to fall in love, or just not even worry about it.

My PLAN. I’m going to take her out to dinner sometime this week, and attempt to be intimate with her without using my hands, etc. and change things up, to try to overcome her fear of my hands on her boob, etc. Sure, I can kiss them, etc. So I know what to do, to make it happen. If she does’nt put out on that night, or atleast please me and let me know she wants to move forward, I’m going to have to move on. I know love is worth waiting for, but I’ve been hurt so so many times, I really could’nt take another crush.
I have about 3 other women at work that want me, pretty damn bad and they are gorgeous as well, with a nice mindset, but I might have to start seeing one of them instead if she’s not interested in completely. It sucks, I’m falling in love with her, I want her to be mine, I don’t push it, or tell her, but I don’t want to lose her, but I feel like I already am, and I don’t know why. Things are going great, and then not so great. We’ve never faught etc.

But she’s a crazy girl and not shy.

She sounds crazy to me. I know that’s not the answer you want to hear, but be advised it sounds like you are setting yourself up for heartache.

How old is everyone you’ve described?
Deciding the future of a relationship solely basing it on whether you get sex or off, isnt a good way to get things going. The main key is communication, if you want a good relationship and one that will last more than a few weeks, then you will have to make communication the staple that hold you both together. 2 things you can do:

1) Talk to her, ask her what is the deal with her being so different when shes around your friends and alone

2) Move on, if a girl seems to be too much trouble now, it could get worse once you see each other everyday. You cant change someone just by asking them to do something different. they have to want to change too.
/yourself as soon as possible

that will be $4, please
She might be second guessing whether she wants to be with you or not. Or maybe she is worried that if she does show you affection things will get caught up in the moment and you two may have sex, which could be something she doesn’t want at the moment. But knows it will be harder to say no if in the situation.

But like mentioned before sex is totally the wrong way to move in a relationship to try and make things better. Sex will make you both into each other more because it’s so much fun. But sooner or later those feelings will go away of just wanting to fuck all the time and if you don’t have a strong relationship outside of sex it will come crashing down. Then you’ll likely be in love with her because you love the sex so much and already do cherish being with her. yet she won’t feel the same and will want to end it. You’ll be hurt bad, once again.

Only thing you can really do is talk to her and explain how you feel in relation with everything you just told us. How she seemed more into her friend by laughing at his jokes and looking at him more than she did you.

Some girls get hurt in the past and are afraid to get intimate with new guys because they are worried about getting used and hurt. So don’t be so quick to assume that no sex or affection from her means that she doesn’t want to be with you. But you do need to think with the head over your shoulders instead of in your pants or things will probably not turn out.

You mention how you can get with other girls at work. That doesn’t sound good dude. If you really like this girl and want to be with her the girls at work shouldn’t tell you anything except that you’re worried more about being with somebody than being with a particular girl.

So talk to her and explain stuff and tell her you’re worried about the future on where this relationship is going. If you don’t get an answer you like tell her it’s better that you guys take it a lot slower so that she can figure out what she wants. Then just go hang out with those other girls at work to keep your mind off her. Who knows maybe it will be easy for you to forget about her.

Another thing. Don’t look forward to falling in love with her. if it happens it happens. If you’re looking forward to falling in love with her then you’re setting yourself up for disapointment.
So I know I won’t get the paypal for this advise but from a woman’s stand point you can’t change the way she feels about you. She’s obviously not ready to be serious so don’t get your heartbroken if she’s out with other people (I’m not saying you are but I’m just saying prepare yourself). She’s still desiring the attention of other men and not just one man, and maybe not specifically in a romantic standpoint but a "look at me" kind of way (there’s nothing wrong with this it’s just a phase..hopefully). Good luck buddy!
My last relationship was similar to your current one. Whenever we went out alone or with my friends she was very clingy and all over me. When we went out with her friends she would introduce me as "Just a Friend" and I would pretty much be ignored until the bill came. Overall she pulled some major BS and I dumped her that weekend after I got all the details.

In the end, if she is not putting out and they way she is acting, I would seriously consider moving on. There are plenty of other girls out there who would want to make you happy and be with you.

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