… I don’t know where to start with this.

I’ll make clear that I have NOT raped anyone, but merely by my acts I made someone who was raped in the past feel like that again… And it was not even physichally.

I’m 18 years old, male, gay, I fell in love with a friend, 17 years old… Through the last few months I’ve seen him acting weird around me, and when I asked him what happened, he never told me a single thing. Furthermore, he liked another person, and he knew I had feelings for him as I confessed and he told me that maybe another day.

That other person is straight. Knowing it was impossible for him to be with him, I tried to make myself noticed. I’d try to show him support when he felt down, I tried to cheer him up and things like that.

Well, things haven’t been well lately and today he told me that he was feeling forced to be with me all this time because I was always there worrying and stuff… And he told me that in the past he was raped and that because of me he was feeling the same again, feeling forced to do something he does not want to do… He basically accused me of pushing him to a deepless abyss, ruining the little happiness he had in life by pursuing a guy he was in love with, despite the impossibility of it…

We have all our friends in common… He said he’ll try to be okay… But if things don’t work, I’ll be home alone with no friends… Again… And I think that perhaps it will be best if he sees me no more.

All my life trying to be a good person, trying to be of help, and all I am now is a rapist…? I need something to feel like a human being again…
You have blown it out of porportion.

Only God knows what this dudes story is, but I don’t think you did anything wrong.

Not to discredit this guy….

But sometimes in my single life when I felt that a woman was giving me too much attention that I wanted nothing to do with I would sometimes blow something SOOOOO completly out of porportion, or do something SOOOOO assanine that I knew she would stay away.

Not saying he is doing this… jjust putting the idea out there.
Basically he’s saying you are smothering him and making him feel pressured to be with you. Leave him alone. I know you share friends but you need to give him a lot of space; for yourself and him.

Move on to someone else.
Just leave him alone, don’t pursue him as that’s not what he wants.

It might be hard, but it sounds like you care so don’t blow it, just back off and be a friend not a stalker.
I don’t want a relationship anymore… That bomb he threw at me did indeed blow it all out… I just can’t go and stay home forever… I’ve had that mindset before and I don’t want to go back to it again.
Honestly your friend sounds like a drama queen (lol irony). Just back off a little bit. Don’t lose your friends over him though. If he feels uncomfortable than he can stay home by himself.
You are like a 5 th weel in his life, and its vital for you to understand that love has got to go both ways. You are chasing him, he is chasing another guy, and that guy is chasing girls = , i think the most important lesson to learn from this is, that you shouldn’t chase that what you can’t have. Because its a recipy for unhappyness. It comes down to that both of you are on seperate roads in your life, and for you it means that you need to let him go, its perfectly fine to love him for the rest of your life, as long as you are realistic in understanding that both of you are on a dead end road.
My main concern is how to not lose that friendship. I understand and accept anything beyond friendship is not going to happen… But I don’t want to lose what I already had.

I don’t know how to act. I know I can’t force him to tell me anything, but acting silly as if nothing happens seems cold to me…

If he stays home by himself I’m going to feel guilty, and his friends are going to get worried. A friend we have in common more or less knows about the issue with my feelings towards him, and she’s probably going to ask me what’s going on. The thing is that she cares deeply for him, and if she knows that him being around me is going to do no good, she’ll probably be left with no choice but to "accept" that it’s best for me to not go out with them anymore, and I’ll have to stay alone home, or at least only go out with her and the rest of people when he is not going to show up.

This is fucked up.

Its about ‘you’ who needs to accept that being with him is not going to do him or you any good. You are in love with him and this situation is tearing you apart, but you know sometimes loving someone means you have to let them go. You are not what he wants, and this is hard for you to accept but you have to stop being emotional and do that what is the best decision, namely respecting his choice and letting him go, and get things straight. You aren’t ‘just’ his friend because in your heart he means much more to you then just that, your love in your heart for him is proof of that.

Its time to let him go.
But I can’t lock myself up in my house and stop seeing my friends. That’s not good for me either.

You can’t be friends with someone you are still in love with If you have the same group of friends then earn to invite out/over the other friends in your social circle, excluding him. It’s for the best. That or get out and make new friends
Sounds like this guy needs some space. You can’t force a friendship; every relationship takes two people to put the effort in and a friendship is no exception. Let him know that you’re there for him as a friend and give him space. Don’t be surprised if he doesn’t take you up on your offer of friendship immediately. He might come around later.

I’m failing to see why you should lose your entire circle of friends over one guy. If they are truly your friends, they will appreciate your presence and will hang out with you regardless of who you are or are not romantically linked with.

Well, he did say that he’d try to be okay, I haven’t lost his friendship yet or anything, I’m just going to try to be a friend, and I’m not going to ask or demand any explanations when he’s not in the mood for anything. That’s all…

I don’t know, I guess I get kind of paranoid, that’s why I say I could lose all my friends. You see, when we go out we’re always together, if things get uncomfortable for him I may have to stop seeing them and there’s not much I can do there.
This is nothing new. We have all been in the situation where we like someone who doesn’t return the feelings. Everyone tries "to be a really good friend and get them to notice you", but it never works. It just becomes awkward because the other person knows what you are trying to do, and just wishes you would take the hints and get over it.

Really, the only solution in these situations is to give your friend some space so you can get over them. You can go back to hanging out after you get over them.

And as far as hanging out with mutual friends and maybe seeing him, making it awkward…tough. That’s part of life, using that as a crutch/excuse to not do what needs to be done won’t help anything.

Sometimes life is difficult.

My point is that you shouldn’t have to voluntarily give up your group of friends just because of something that is clearly his issue. You’ve done nothing wrong. I repeat – you’ve done nothing wrong. So, there is no obligation on your part to make sacrifices for him that a. aren’t warranted and b. he hasn’t requested of you. If push came to shove, you could hang out with the same set of friends on separate occasions, or at the same time but in larger groups so that your personal interaction is more limited.
Thank you very much for all the advice, I’m more at ease now.

Turns out the guy is being a nutcase, yesterday he was threatening to kill himself (over MSN, sad?) and blaming me for all my flaws, even though they were not related to anything.

I’m definitely not putting up with that shit, I listened to all his crap and tried to convince him to not do anything silly, and that’s that, but I’m not his psychiatrist. Next time they call me to go out I’ll gladly stay home.

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