So, it all started about a few weeks ago when I started helping my bf and his aprents clean a restaurant at night working a graveyard shift type of thing. I explained this to my dad, came home on Tues. night with my bf. My dad acted like an immature ass. I’m there in the kitchen while my bf is setting up the Wii in the living room and my dad asks me why have I been sleeping over with "those people". I tell my dad by bf is in the living room and he tells me he doesn’t give a fuck (what a respectful dad huh? ).

So, I decide that since he doesnt want to listen to me that I work on weekends and I can’t come home during that time that I was moving out. I told my mom that I was going to be picking up my stuff and be gone by Monday.
My dad calls me today to ask me what the hell I think of life and why I haven’t been coming home . I told him that it’s because I tell him things and he refuses to listen and understand so I wasn’t coming home. He tells me that he’s going to throw all my stuff in a black bag and to pick up by Sat. I tell him I was going to move on Sat. anyway. And he says fine "since you want to live on the street" I tell him I’m not living on the street, I’m living with my bf and his parents. He keeps screaming and I hang up crying.

Anyway, nobody has to reply. I just wanted to get that off my chest. My dad thinks I’m still a little girl and wants to make decisions for me. I may be 19 yrs old, which I know is still pretty young, but ever since I was 15 I told my dad I was moving out when I turned 18. He has to start letting go. I love my family, but I got my own decisions to make, and my own life to live.
Awh, KA .

I think you made the right decision. You’ve obviously tried time and time again to talk to em’ and explain the situation with no avail.. You made a decision for yourself and you stuck with it, there’s no harm in that.

I’m glad on the other hand to know things with you and Kirby are better and better by the day. Parents will always be parents, you’ll never be able to change them. It’s unfortunate that your pops is seeing things the way he does, but as time goes around I’m sure he’ll begin to realize and respect the decisions you make.

Don’t neglect mom and dad though, no matter how "rough" things may be. Call them, stop by, say hi.. Unless he shows that "you’re-not-wanted-round-here", it’s the least you can do to keep a relationship with them.

Friends come and go, family is always there.

That I definitely will do. I’m very close with my mom. I’ve told her everything all along and although you can tell it hurts her a bit (I’m her only daughter and now she’s only got 2 boys in the house) she understands what I’m doing. When I just decided to move out on Tues. I sat down with her and talked with her almost the whole time I was there (my bf played on the Wii and PS2 with my bros). I explained everything to her and what I wanted to do. And she was completely there for me. I love my family and that’s not going to change. I just spoke to her now about what happened to my dad. And both my mom and I agreed. I’m just going to act like nothing’s wrong. Just let him cool off and accept it. He’ll come around eventually
I think you did the right thing by moving out I had some issues with my parents when I was younger and we didn’t get along very well and at one point they said I needed to "change" or get out. I moved out a couple weeks later and I’ve never regretted it. We get along fine now too. Sometimes it’s easier to get along with family if you don’t have to see them every single day.
Sometimes it’s really hard for parents to let go and allow/help their kids to grow up. His rudeness might be his way of dealing with painful emotions….yes men have emotions also.

I think you’re making the right decision also but don’t be surprised if he does an about face and becomes the nicest guy in the world. Then offers to let you move back home….after apologizing of course. Once you’re out, stay out unless you simply can’t make it on your own.

It’s never easy to leave home but IMO It’s much harder to leave the longer you stay. It’s also difficult to leave again when you’ve been out and had to go back.

Anyways, good luck and it’s good to hear you aren’t just writing them off. When you get to be my age, you’ll look back and wish your parents were younger.
Maybe he just wants something better for you then cleaning a restaurant late at night at 19 years old?

there is so much wisdom here

Yeah. Exactly.
Moving out is a good step. I did at 18, and would have whether it was to live with my now-fiance (& his parents), or to go back to NJ. It was quite hard dealing with my mom all the time, getting angry over stupid stuff and always having a problem with what I did or said. Now that I’m not there anymore (and haven’t lived there for the last 2½ years), we get along much better. (Although, now I want to get the hell away from the future MIL instead…)

I only do that on the weekends? They don’t really care about that, it’s just the fact that I won’t be home on weekend nights.
My actually job is at an office Monday-Friday 9-5…they like my job just fine.

My bf and I are planning on getting married in the near future. We will be going to my parents house today to give them the news that we are planning on getting married. So, now we’re a bit nervous, waiting for my parents to get home and see what my dad’s reaction is. This is actually one of the reasons my bf (well fiancee actually) and I want to move in together. Will update tonight

I never wanted her to work with me, she offered to come along on weekends, she’s stubborn.
Besides, she’s marrying me asap, I’m not gonna have her move in just because we’re buddies. I know better than that.

okay, have fun being married at 19 years old.

Have fun being a worthless piece of shit you fucking troll.

Do you have a problem with me being married at 19?

Congrats My wedding is in a little less than 2 months

My mom has been iffy about me getting married – because she’s unhappy [I attribute that to her marrying someone 17 years older than her, saying "no" for 7 years to his proposals and finally giving in as if she were settling, and how she knew he'd cheated while dating and whatnot also]. She’s kinda jealous I’m so happy, and therefore doesn’t ask about the wedding or anything. My dad is ecstatic. From what I gather though, yours won’t be! Good luck when you tell them

Why are you guys in such a hurry to get married?

I’m not a troll. I just don’t agree with the path you’re going down. I’m not a communist dictator, do whatever you please… err do as you are.
yeah I think you’re growing up too fast but your parents put you in that position. Just be careful and think things through as you go through this transition
Hah, I know you’ll hate me….but what he’s worried about is pretty valid. You’re 19 years old, in his mind you are his little girl still. You also live under his roof so he technically has a right to know where you are, what you’re doing and actually care about it.

That being said, all I came in her to say was that you need to move out-and you did, so yay! However, the fact that you are moving in with your boyfriend and his parents is extremely troublesome to me. I know you might say that it is a short term thing, and at first his parents might be very sweet and open….but do NOT stay there long.

You need act like an adult in this situation and think and act for yourself, not just settle on living at their house because it is nice that your boyfriend is there. You say you and you boyfriend are actually plannijng on getting married? Well here’s the reality check, if you are grown up enough to think you should get engaged now then you have to be grown up enough to get both of your shit together and afford a place on your own.

PS- I’ve always really liked you and thought you had a good head on your shoulders, so I’m writing this because it’s the first time I’ve been surprised by you and I feel the need to put my thougths out there from someone a little older and wiser. Like a big sister.

thanks
Update: We went to go speak with my parents (my dad actually). My fiancee asked for my hand in marriage. We all spoke at the table (my mom, dad, uncle, me and him). We let my dad talk and say all he needed to say. Long story short, he doesn’t think it’s cool that we’re getting married so young. But, he said the final decision is ours and he gave us his blessing. I guess everything pretty much went A LOT better than what we expected. So, I guess this is it. We have plans and now it’s time to move forward. Thanks everyone for the support .

Congrats! You never answered my question so I’m going to ask it again because I’m curious….now what? You guys are engaged, are you really planning on living at his parents house? What are your plans to move out, etc?

Thank you, we’re very happy with our decision .

I’m so sorry. We are currently livign in his parents house. He’ll be working in his parents company for the time being. We are waiting for the Christmas season to be over so that we can gather some money and move out. My fiancee’s already been looking into some apartments so that we can choose something that’s right for both of us. His dad wants him to work in the company for another 2 years (while going to college of course) so that we can have some money to be able to live (he’ll be making about $400 a wk with his dad and I’ll be making my own money as well with my job). So, we’re just taking it one step at a time, each day at a time.
Also, next week we will be getting our marriage lisence and planning a small ceremony. We want a big wedding in another 4 or 5 years when we’re both done with college and have enough money to do the ceremony in a church and invite all our family/friends together.

whats it to you when they get married? quit being judgemental and let the chick follow the path she wants

Ok good, at least you’ve started planning a little bit. Question though, if you don’t plan on being wed for another 4-5 years…why the rush to get enagged?

We are getting married now, we just plan on a civil marriage right now. We’re wating a few years to have the whole church wedding thing for our families. We don’t have the money nor the time right now for that.

Because it’s a public forum and if people post something that I agree or disagree with I’m going to comment on it. Why even join a discussion board partizan if you only want to see one view point? You’re right though about one thing, it’s really nothing to me they are making a mistake. I think it’s comical that they are jumping into marriage at 18 and 19 years old with hardly any money to rub together, no living experience on their own before they move in together, not even done with college, and two mediocre jobs. I mean, marriage is only a word… but I just think it’s funny.

Edit: Do either of you know how to file a tax return? Or know what expenses you guys that will be tax deductible? Since you’ll be married, you’re going to lose health insurance if you were covered by your parents because now you’re independent of them…. and if you don’t have any insurance I’d suggest you get health insurance now you’re out on your own. Your parents can’t claim you on their taxes anymore….. I could go on and on but I won’t waste my time.

This is just a bad idea. What advantages are you going to get by getting married this early in life? You’re 19, there’s a huge likelihood of you 2 getting divorced. Marriage before the age of 24 is statistically just destined to fail. Most marriages are strong for the first 5-10 years, but start falling apart when you get to the 15-20 year range. If you’re ok with that then go for it, but just realize there’s a greater chance that you will be divorced by 40 than there is that you’re still going to be married at 40.

I have filed a tax return. Did last year. I have a pretty good idea on what expenses are tax deductible. I haven’t been covered with my parents on health insurance for about a year now, because my mom has no idea what she’s doing with the health insurance. I spoke to my aunt to help me get insurance on my own, but I rather wait a bit so that my fiancee and I can get it together. And my mom hasn’t claimed me on her taxes for 2 years now. She says she can’t because I’m of age. And she doesn’t see me as dependent anyway because I’m never there. I buy my own food, clothes, and as of recent I don’t live there obviously.

I know statistically it’s a bad idea. I’ve been aware of that. And even my dad reminded me of that. My he also told me statistics are just that and even though there is a huge possibility that we won’t make it because society says so, there is that small statistic that does make it. My own father told me that it’s possible that we can make because he’s seen people that have married young and they’re going 20+ years as strong as they’ve ever been.
I’m aware of the statistcis and what I’m doing.

I’m actually glad now that so many of you have given your opinion, because it helps me see different sides of the decision my fiancess and I have made. But, it’s still a decision we’ve made together. And we’re still happy with it. Thank you guys, at least you care .
I’m glad to hear your dad didn’t make a huge deal out of it.

I’m "marrying young" too. I turn 21 twelve days after the wedding. My fiance will be 22. I too see statistics as just statistics. My grandma got married at 21 and was married 60 years (grandpa died recently ). My fiance’s parents knew one another a MONTH before they got married (and his dad was only 21 & in the Navy, his mom was 24). They’ve been happy for 23 years now.

As long as you don’t go into it picturing an impending divorce, and you are sure it is what you want, I don’t think it should matter Plus, it’s your life and ya gotta do what YOU want to do. Congrats on the engagement and the upcoming wedding! (Now I have to resume addressing the invitations to ours in February).

That’s great to hear, congrats to you to. And I agree, you’re not supposed to get married looking towards "I might get divorced soon , that’s what statistics tell me!", you get married thinking hey this is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. And because I love my fiancee and I know I want to be with him for the rest of my life then I dont have any worries.
Just found out these two got married and are already divorcing

At least their youth factor will benefit them now as single people.

what the hell, i read this thread all the way through, than saw your post and looked at the dates and got the face.

that’s sad that they are divorcing, any idea why?

I know I shouldnt but
I liked her two…she seemed to have a grest head on her shoulders other than the fact that at 19 they were rushing a marriage and then living in his parents house

Hopefully they both move on in a healthy way and learn to never rush a marriage again.

marriage young is ok, but you gotta be self-sufficient, otherwise, how could you respect eachother?
I’m 23. Between when I was 18 and 22 around 20 people I went to school with got married or engaged.

Of these only 3 have survived to this point in time.

People get fixated on the idea of a romantic church wedding and only look at that day. Not at that wider picture.

I was reading the thread and was gonna post this will end in a divorce and you need to live with someone before marrying them.

Same here.
Wow, I was a bit confused….I missed all the dates in the beginning.

Sad to hear about the divorce….however….that usually happens when you marry at a young age statically speaking.

read a few threads up
dammit a lot of wasted time typig a good response only to get pwnt by the necro post

sorry to thear them splitting up but… what did they expect? they were too young for what they wanted to do.

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