anxiety problems now creeping into sex life

For the last couple of years my anxiety is getting worse and worse. I don’t know exactly what a "panic attack" is persay but I do get little episodes of fear for no reason. For example in a restaurant the other day I got this feeling of extreme discomfort and I didn’t want to finish eating and it was almost painful to stay inside…so I had to go outside and take a walk for a while.

Anyway, that’s all fine and good to be to be honest. I can deal with that type of bullshit because it’s better than the other option of being medicated all of the time. That is, until it got into my sex life. When I’m with certain people, I get hard as a rock and I’m great in bed. Generally (this is amateur by the way) these girls tend to be Type-B quiet personalities. However, I am with a girl now that I’m actually really really into..and that’s the first time in a while I can actually say that. The first time we got physical we were able to have sex, but it was bad because it was on the beach and sandy and quick because there were people close by . The second time I had the house all to myself with her. It was going to be an amazing night right?

She starts rubbing my dick – Rock hard
Blowing me – rock hard
She wants me to put it inside her – I instantly go limp.

I just had this crazy anxious experience and adrenaline rushed through me and I became too soft to have sex. It was so embarrassing.

Two days after, I try again and get soft again THE SECOND she goes for penetration.

Later that night, I call her BACK over because it was killing me inside. I actually get hard enough to get inside of her and we go for a good 3 minutes…until I decide to pull out and take my pants all the way off and I lose my erection AGAIN.

I KNOW this is not physical, because I had a girl for the past month and I was rock hard everytime, never an erection problem. I just can’t do it with this new girl, and i just know if I keep fucking up like this, I’m going to lose her. She’s a great girl, but this is pathetic, I don’t blame her for getting frustrated. What the hell can I do? Should I just find a viagra sample and take it so once I get a good go with her I won’t be anxious anymore. A Xanax? I told her about the anxiety thing so that was weight off of my shouders but it still couldn’t get me hard. I feel absolutely helpless. I know eventually I’ll need therapy, but in the mean time i need a short term plan because i CANT FUCK THIS UP oops and i also need to add that I have had this problem before, I don’t remember if I said that.But It always seems to be with one night stands and stuff.
So Panic attacks are affecting you to the point that you have to run away when eating a meal and you can’t have sex. And you don’t think you need to see a doctor? It’s totally your choice, however you sound like you need help you may as well get it as soon as you can.
An honest answer that may seem a little flip – you might think about weed or a glass or two of wine (unless you have a demon in that regard).

You might also try giving her an orgasm first before penetration – It can take some of the performance anxiety out of the equation.
He can’t have a meal without having a panic attack, you might be able to give solutions for the one issue, however the bigger issue is still there and needs addressing.
Ok, I had a short bout with the panic attack thing and now that I’m being more in control I’ve been able to diminish them over time. I was just looking to help with the single issue…
Sorry if I came across as rude I am only going by what he provided, if it affects him as much as he said, and he even suspects that he is going to need professional help eventually then why put it off?
Okay, you’ve given me a lot of help and so here goes. I am an old hand with panic attacks, have been having them for about fourteen years, thought I was going crazy at first.

What you have been doing with yourself is associating your panic feeling with one single thing. I used to do it when I was driving. Eventually I could not drive at night because as soon as I got behind the wheel I thought I was having a heart attack, had all these awful feelings.

See, my inexpert understanding of panic attacks is that once you have one, you start to associate that horrid feeling with whatever you were doing at the time. Every time you once again have a panic attack while doing that activity, you reinforce that connection. It’s a feedback loop…you do it, you have a panic attack, you start worrying, you do it again, you have panic attack, and it’s near inevitable that the cycle will continue.

This goes nearly triple with sex, since it’s such an emotional thing anyway. Very easily reinforced, and harder to get over than my being behind the wheel.

You need to break that cycle somehow. One way is to have sex differently. Don’t focus on your erection. Stop being so hard on yourself if you don’t have one. Tell her that you’re just going to focus on her for hours, and if you get an erection, fine, if not, fine. This would be a matter of total indifference to you.

Perhaps having a few drinks would help, but sometimes that makes erections more difficult, so I wouldn’t if I were you

That’s my advice. Go about it differently, stop putting pressure on yourself, and above all break this cycle. I swear to you that you are perfectly healthy and this is no more than a mental trick you’ve done to yourself
See if you can find this pill for sale somewhere: "Rize 2 The Occasion". I’ve bought mine at some sex shop but have seen them for sale at gas stations for way cheaper. Basically I was having the same problem as you, I guess I had some anxiety with this girl and would go limp after a few minutes. Finally decided to try something new and thats when we found this pill. It took me a few days to actually try it, I was a bit hesitant at first. The way this works is you don’t have a raging hardon for 24 hrs. but instead once you start getting intimate BAM say hello to Mr. Hardy.. lol. Anyways I’m glad I tried it cause otherwise she would’ve probably stopped seeing me.

That’s probably a placebo… Have you found yourself relying on those pills everytime you want to have sex?
An honest answer that may seem a little flip – you might think about weed or a glass or two of wine (unless you have a demon in that regard).

You might also try giving her an orgasm first before penetration – It can take some of the performance anxiety out of the equation.
WORST ADVICE EVER

never treat anxiety with illegal drugs or alcohol. wtf kind of advice is that?

go to a therapist, get to the bottom of it, and as a last resort, maybe, try some xanax or something. i would stay away from anti depression meds and anti anxiety meds, and i would CERTAINLY stay the hell away from illegal drugs and alcohol.
No, but for the duration of over 24 hrs (almost 48) i found it very difficult to piss w/out getting an erection.

You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.