Breakups and lingering thoughts that accompany them

I’m 22 years old and just recently got out of a 1 year relationship that was rocky at best. It was a fun, heated, relationship from the start and digressed into something miserable and toxic for the both of us. We both are young and on our way to college educations and agreed to base our 20s on the fact that neither of us wanted children, and we both wanted to travel and explore the world for the better part of our youth before we settled down.

My question relating to this relationship is how have you guys dealt with unresolved questions or feelings about the relationship, other than stuffing them down and forgetting about them? What I’m referring to are a few instances that I’ll talk about here. At the end of the relationship my girlfriend started acting very oddly. She became distant, looked kind of down and upset at times for no reason, and had extreme mood swings. She always had mood swings, but not in this way. Her attitude towards me would flip at the drop of a hat. I knew something was up, but I wrote it off because her grandfather whom she was extremely close with was very ill and in and out of the hospital. She attributed it to this, as did I. Then, one night she was going to her best friends birthday party. We had talked previously about it and she had mentioned that I should come up to the bar where they were. As I’m at work I text her and ask what’s up and what I should be doing after I get off. Nothing. I get done, give her a call, nothing. I shoot her another text. Nothing. Now before you say this and that about phones and such, she is the type of girl to have her phone glued to her hand in any other situation, and this in fact had caused many fights before. So I decide to walk up to this bar, which is literally a stones throw away from my house. It always worried me when she drank, because we’ve had incidents in the past with booze. She’s the type of girl to have 2-3 drinks and absolutely lose her goddamn mind in every way. She will go from an absolute horny mess all over me to drunken rages SCREAMING and yelling, and therefore she cut it out of her life. So I walked up, and found her. She was with her friends, but absolutely plastered. To make a long story short, the night ended with her screaming obscenities at me and us breaking up.

She pleaded and begged to have my back absolutely going as far as she could to want me back in her life. It took some time for me to consider this, but we did get back together, and I told her that it was her last shot and that we both need to work hard and work together to make this relationship work. The extent that she went to and the things she did and said to get me back in her life were what swayed me. Fast forward 2 weeks or so. She becomes distant again, doesn’t want to talk as much, tells me "I’m giving you space". Then out of the blue I get a text one morning. "I’ve done some thinking, and I want kids and a house and a career sooner then I thought, I don’t think that this relationship is for us, I want you to be happy blah blah blah". Via text. After I had worked to let her back into my life, I get some lame cliched TEXT that says she wants something different with her life than she had expressed over a year long relationship. I felt like I had been lied to and cheated for the past year. Her extremely firm beliefs seemed to have up and vanished, and changed over night? I asked her what the real reason was for it, and suggested talking in person about this and she said that wouldn’t be good for the either of us. Was I dating an emotional cripple? Was I being cheated on? What sense does this make to beg and plead to have someone back in their life only to drop them like a sack of potatoes via text a couple weeks later? How can I go about answering these questions, or at the very least come to some kind of resolution in myself even if it doesn’t involve her?

none of these matter now though
be broken up or don’t
you will drive yourself crazy trying to figure out why other people do what they do. you will never know, and half the time, they don’t know either. if you asked her why she did these things, she probably wouldn’t even have an answer

again, let me emphasize: it doesn’t matter now. It hurts more because it just happened, but in reality, she’s just another feather in your cap.

Give it 90 days before you do any more thinking about it.. Wake up, decide you are not going to do anything but what is front of you. Repeat.

Just walk away.

both of you are young, changing a lot, etc you can’t really expect to behave perfectly or figure out what she was thinking. Personally just her alcohol use would be enough to dump and never think about again.

none of these matter now though
be broken up or don’t
you will drive yourself crazy trying to figure out why other people do what they do. you will never know, and half the time, they don’t know either. if you asked her why she did these things, she probably wouldn’t even have an answer

again, let me emphasize: it doesn’t matter now. It hurts more because it just happened, but in reality, she’s just another feather in your cap.

Give it 90 days before you do any more thinking about it.. Wake up, decide you are not going to do anything but what is front of you. Repeat.

I agree, I feel like I just need to come to the resolution that there is no resolution and that she might have been doing a ton of fucked up shit but it doesn’t matter now. It just leaves a mark the way it was done, in terms of just dropping someone like that after lying to their face for a year. I think that’s more of the part that I need to get over. I’m more concerned over my own ego and the possibilities of it happening in the future than I am mourning a relationship I think.

you think too much
it doesn’t matter now
you need to grieve the loss of the relationship no matter how shitty
but you don’t have to understand anything

Bro, women can be very emotionally immature and just plain dumb. Not to mention, will lie to you, so they don’t look bad in your or others eyes.

She probably has a hold of another branch and letting you go. She probably won’t admit it unless you have proof. It’s not like you’re married to this cunt, so cut your loss now. You’ll never get a full answer or truth. Bitches be Cray cray son.

Biology also really messes with our heads so she didn’t want kids and then bang, she does want kids and soon. She saw a kid, held a kid and smelled a kid= want kid. And yeah, I know grandma’s who wish for kids when they smell new clean baby-it is some weird bio urge we all know is there and have to work to not have it rule our lives….

Most lose the fight when young due to biology winning.

Be grateful she didn’t just get preg with you and move on to finding another woman who thinks like you still do-but be aware it really can change and does for many who do not want kids….

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