I was diagnosed with ADD three years ago. I can remember symptoms since elementary school, as my lack of focus was far below that of my peers. Although during elementary school hyperactivity wasn’t entirely uncommon, so I fit in rather well and luckily gained a wide group of life long friends. I moved to a nearby city for middle school, and subsequently another school for high school, and things became much harder. While others were maturing and getting their minds on task (as much as what you would expect from pre-college kids), my mind seemed to stay the same. I was well liked by those I came across, and had the potential to, but found myself socially withdrawn. I could get along with people from any social group. However, even in an interesting conversation my mind would wander and I just couldn’t keep up. Of my own doing I became sort of a loner.

I can pinpoint my anxiety to starting in middle school, and being full blown in high school. I had no reason to be anxious. Nobody’s ever made fun of me or confronted me, and I’ve always been accepted. I’m for all intents and purposes a kind, considerate, and normal guy. My family life is good, and my old friends and I have all moved into the same neighborhood. The only thing I can think of is that my ADD caused the anxiety (and even more so because I had no real understanding of the two concepts), although which started which is something I may never really know.

Three years ago I was diaganosed with ADD, and my life has changed for the better. I was initially prescribed ~75-100 (not sure of the exact mg) of Concerta. Although the dose helped me focus, the added anxiety it induced created an opposite effect. I knocked it down on my own accord to 18mg per day, a very small amount. It has, and still has, a great effect without any of the anxiety I wouldn’t normally have, although it didn’t fix my focusing problems the way they needed to be. I started meditating off and on, and have been since then. The results are absolutely amazing. Aside from the persisting anxiety I still have, and the absolute struggle it was just to get myself to meditate without my mind wandering, it worked out greatly. I did a few neaurofeedback sessions (a computer measuring my focus so I could try to fine tune it), although I didn’t feel like playing arcade games while paying a bundle was worth continuing it any further. However it gave me the idea of constantly trying to focus on what I’m doing and working on it that regard, no matter what activity I am doing. I was kicked out of community college, but was able to petition to get back in under restricted units, subsequently getting A’s in those classes and then being allowed to take a full load, which I also scored a 4.0 in. In all facets of my life my attention span has improved. As a result I feel like a completely different person, and am very happy with the results (although I still have a long way to go).

My anxiety essentially persists on a daily basis. I should note that to my own surprise I have never had an anxiety attack, it’s just a constant anxiety hanging around, and isn’t triggered by any particular things or events. A few months ago I took xanax (illegally, and an abusive amount) for fun, although it was a complete waste of time to abuse, and I don’t feel like I could get addicted to it in that sense (I’ve tried a good amount of very addictive substances, stupid yes, but was unimpressed and had no real urges to do them again). Twice over the past month I have been able to use very small amounts (assuming one bar was a gram I took .50mg and .25mg respectively). I tried .25mg the last time, and found it sufficient enough. The effects were astounding, and while I had known about my anxiety for a very long time, I came to a realization on how bad it really was. I felt like I could function like a normal person, and even focus better. I barely even smoked cigarettes. Simply having seen the "other side" left me with an good impression for nearly a week, although the anxiety came back as usual.

I am proud of myself for having done so much on my own with ADD medication helping only at a basic level. Meditation helps my anxiety, but only for a short period after I am done. I’ve tried breathing techniques and have had similar results. Now that I’ve realized how much I missed and could have accomplished in my earlier years, my anxiety has even increased.

So now I’m wondering if I should try to get a subscription to Xanax. However I don’t want to have to rely on such drugs for my entire life, and the sooner I can get to normal without them the better. I really, really, just want to be me - but if there’s something that can greatly help me get there I’m for it. From the afterglow effects I talked about earlier I was wondering if dosing would sort of reteach me life without the unnecessary anxiety, or if that isn’t the case taking it every other day or so so I can have sober days to work on what I had learned about an anxiety-free world. I would also like to know of any practices (similar to how meditation for me is a practice for reducing ADD).

I hope I didn’t cross any lines in some of the things I mentioned. Any thoughts on my story, additions, or answers would be very much appreciated

Take the medication. I wish I did when I was younger, but I didn’t. If you choose not to, life will only be more difficult for you.
Have you told your doctor about the anxiety? It’s very common for people with ADD to have another condition such as anxiety along with it. Are you seeing a psychiatrist for the ADD stuff or do you just go when you have to refill your prescription? They will be able to tell you about different non-drug things you can do to help yourself and they can determine which anxiety med would be best for you to take.

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