The ups and downs of the past six months…

It all came crashing down when my gf of two years dumped me. I was home alone on winter break because my mother went to Italy with my brother and my father went to Argentina to visit their families. Unfortunately I couldn’t go to either place because finals ran late this year . Anyway, I became super emo because I LOVED this girl (my first real relationship). I spent thousands on her, left the country without telling my parents to go visit her, continually disobeyed my parents to please her bla bla the whole nine yards. For three weeks I literally STOPPED eating. I dropped from 205lbs to 181lbs and would just sit in my room all fucking day doing absolutely nothing. I never went to work, never went out with my friends, never did anything.

January 25th
I’m very enthusiastic about moving back to school (sophmore @ Rutgers) to get my mind off this stupid girl. I try to take the advice given by everyone in the Asylum and Vaginarium and distract myself the best I can with schoolwork, working out, sports, and all sorts of other shit. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t.

March 6th
After whining and moping about my ex-gf for ~3 months I get sick and fucking tired of doing so. I decided at this point that I need to drastically change who I am in order to build up my confidence and raise my self-esteem. Up until now I have not attempted to start anything with any other women and decided that its time to do so. I start by taking every single piece of clothing, furniture, and personal belonging I have and throwing it out. I go to an outlet mall and drop 1.1k on name brand attire, get myself an apartment with 3 buddies for my junior & senior year, change my attitude, and start going out on weekends again. I also buy my dream car, a black 1998 Cadillac STS (If you’re wondering where I have all the money to do this I’ve been working ~fulltime since the age of 14, im 20 now).

April 2nd
It’s my 20th birthday and I decide to throw a huge party, I invite all of my friends and we have a KICKASS time . At this point I also notice that women are picking up on my confidence. I am begining to see that my transformation is paying off, I am being approached by girls who I never thought I ever had a chance with. I know I am a fairly attractive guy, unfortunately all my life I never used my looks to my advantage; I dressed poorly, didn’t have the best manners, and was generally an unfriendly guy.

April 31st
I meet this girl who I start hooking up with, eventually we start having sex . At this point my confidence is soaring. I have never been able to get girls let alone one this pretty. I notice that people have began to CALL ME because they WANT to hang out with me. NEVER before in my life have people called me to do ANYTHING. I’ve always been the one to ask others if I can go out. Right now my self-esteem is right up there with the stars. I start hanging out with a new crowd who are more into partying, clubbing, and drinking. Sadly I start to shun my old friends, but having been in their position at one point in my life (at one point in time a friend of ours did what I did, however he completely stopped talking to us all together) I set aside equal time to hang out and spend time with both groups of friends. Proud of myself for not turning into that asshole I continue to enjoy myself; I have good grades, I’m seeing a girl, making good money, and partying/hanging out on weekends. I am also happy because I have made my parents proud, they are happy that I am happy for once and they like how I have matured. The kind of person I used to be (unfriendly & anti-social) is not the kind of person I wanted to be, since I’ve "changed" I have received compliments on my manners, appearance, and overall friendliness (when I meet new people I hear later on that they thought I was a nice guy etc.). These "newfound" traits of mine have resulted in multiple internship offers and future networking possibilities.

May 14th
School lets out for the summer, I have become pretty attached to this girl and she to me. But we kind of had this unspoken agreement where we would not pursue anything (relationshipwise) over the summer because we have only known each other for a month and neither of us really wanted a relationship. It sucks but its for the best, besides I just got out of a two year relationship five months ago and I knew that even though I had become slightly attached it would be better to let it go and see how things turn out fall semester. I sign up for summer classes to keep myself busy and catch up because I am 10 credits behind being a junior. Time to move back home….

June 15th
Summer SUCKS ASS… since I’ve been at school all of my friends from back home (I have two groups of friends; school friends and friends from home) have been brainwashed by my ex and refuse to hang out or invite me anywhere (I’m a drug addict and dealer according to her ). Thankfully the classes keep me occupied and I hang out with my friends from school at least once a week. But I don’t let this drag me down, I hook up with four more very attractive girls over this month which brings my confidence even higher Since I have so much free time I try to relearn spanish (I’m fluent in Italian & English but havent spoken Spanish since I was very young) because I am REALLY into South American women Yes, I know that bragging about my exploits with women sounds very shallow, and it is to some degree, but all my life I have never been able to get women so I feel it is in my right to brag a little .

June 27th
I feel like a part of me has been ripped out. My Cadillac was parked out front of my old house (I commute to school with my fathers van since it gets better mileage and he drives it to my old house ~1mile and walks to the bus stop for work) and an old man scrapes up the whole side of it damaging the drivers side quarterpanel & door along with the mirror. My heart sinks because this car is my dream car and I am so proud of myself for working so hard for six years and finally buying it.

July 6th
I get my grades back from two of my summer class (A & B+) and shit my pants with joy (they were the hardest classes of my Economics major).

Today
Back to the car, Thankfully an old friend of mine from high school owns an auto body shop in town and jacks the estimate up and I get 3k for the damages . I was going to use the money to fix the car and whatever was left over to fix the shocks which were in such bad shape that it was almost unsafe to drive the car. However since its a Cadillac and everything Cadillac costs a FUCKLOAD the shocks cost 4k to fix (airbag suspension). I haven’t decided what I am going to do with it yet, but it looks like I’m going to have to sell it as is because in about ~2 months it will be very unsafe to drive with the way the shocks are going. I payed 4k for it so as long as I make my money back somehow I will be happy (financially). I just feel like shit because this car accounted for a HUGE portion of my self-esteem . I was so happy to have it and wanted a car like this since I was young. I’m trying not to let it get to me but its tough

CLIFFS: Got dumped by gf back in January and moped around for 3 months. Decided it was time to get back on my feet and change my life. Confidence and self-esteem are at an all time high as I am experiencing things I have never experienced before. All the advice that everyone gives in these forums about post-breakups is true!! Get off your ass and do something!
Don’t dwell on love lost.

Don’t get emo about a car. You can fix it, or buy a new one. It’s just a car.

I guess the same can be said about women.
Interesting story. Have you been communicating throughout the summer with the girl from school? And if so how is that going?

We were talking everyday on the phone and through txting up until about two weeks ago. Since then its been a random txt here or there nothing special. Unfortunately every girl I have been with this year I have developed an attachment too, even if it is just a one night hookup. So in a sense I view this as a good thing, just trying to learn how to not get super attached right away.

Don’t dwell on love lost.

Don’t get emo about a car. You can fix it, or buy a new one. It’s just a car.

I guess the same can be said about women.

It’s just hard, I feel like I lost my left nut now that I lost my car. It was my dream car and I worked a long time for it. I guess it is a blessing in disguise now though, with gas prices being almost $4 a piece now and it being a V8 ~20mi/gal tank. Its ok though hopefully I can get my hands on a nice BMW now

You always appreciate things more when you work hard for them.

You will be working most of your adult life. You have time to work towards your next dream car. As long as you have your life and your health, everything else is just cherries on top.
hey man nice story…. Lots of ups and downs but that’s life. As long as you constantly improve yourself which is what you’ve been doing.

I’m kinda behind in the social life department, but I’m pretty much like you. My car is my left nut, lol. I’m trying to work now and take a day at a time, and improve my social life a bit but I still don’t have a big one right now, probably because I have no $ on going out

Are you almost done school? I was so glad when I was done..

hey man nice story…. Lots of ups and downs but that’s life. As long as you constantly improve yourself which is what you’ve been doing.

I’m kinda behind in the social life department, but I’m pretty much like you. My car is my left nut, lol. I’m trying to work now and take a day at a time, and improve my social life a bit but I still don’t have a big one right now, probably because I have no $ on going out

Are you almost done school? I was so glad when I was done..

I have two years left of school, I’m only 20 but as much as I want to get out into the real world and make some money I am in no rush to graduate heh. I feel this need to make up for all the partying and girls I missed out on in high school and freshman year.
All I can tell you is that being confident is the NUMBER ONE most important thing. Even if you don’t have confidence ACTING like you are can get you a long way. Women are attracted to confidence, it makes you more appealing to potential employers, and most importantly it makes yourself feel better.

I have two years left of school, I’m only 20 but as much as I want to get out into the real world and make some money I am in no rush to graduate heh. I feel this need to make up for all the partying and girls I missed out on in high school and freshman year.
All I can tell you is that being confident is the NUMBER ONE most important thing. Even if you don’t have confidence ACTING like you are can get you a long way. Women are attracted to confidence, it makes you more appealing to potential employers, and most importantly it makes yourself feel better.

Yeah, I work right now, in my field. But being confident to employers is not the same as being confident to the opposite sex. Then again, a school has a much bigger social circle to work off from. Right now I am trying to volunteer where I can to meet more people.
I don’t mean to badger you guys with updates of my life all the time but I just feel writing here helps me vent and get things off my mind heh. Here goes…

This past Friday the girl from school (who I mentioned in the OP) calls me up and wants to hang out (we haven’t seen each other since school let out in May and haven’t spoken in about a week). Like a giddy elementary school child I hop in my car and take the 15 minute ride to Hoboken and we hang out with another friend of ours at this pier on the Hudson River and sit around talking about random shit til 4am. We all had an awesome time and I’m pretty sure the unusually long embrace she gave me when we left (15 seconds) was a good sign for the future. However now I’m sitting here sunday afternoon finding myself unable to think of anything but her. This is my problem, I get attached to women TOO easily especially this one and it just drives me up the fucking wall.
I feel that women are my weakness. In my relationship with my ex-gf, she consumed my life to the point where everything I did revolved around her and I DO NOT want that to happen in my next relationship. I don’t want smother my next gf. It is just hard to explain how I feel ahhhhhhhhhh.

Basically I am asking if anyone knows how to NOT get attached so easily?? I mean she is my friend and all but if there is no possibility of a relationship or anything like that happening anytime soon (at least another month or two) how do I get my mind off this girl?!?!?!
Dude, you need to hang out with her more often, shes only 15 minutes away. BTW, despite feeling attached to her, don’t display your "need" for her, women hate that.
Whenver you feel like you want to do something needy and smothering, just think to yourself what will happen if you continue down that path again. Then use that reason to stop yourself from doing it again. You should know better since youve done it before.

I dunno man it is easier said than done with this girl. She is different from any other girl I have ever "been" with. I usually pride myself on my ability to know what a girl is thinking, and I am damn good at it. But with this girl, its completely up in the air. Sometimes she doesn’t answer my calls or txts and sometimes she bombards me with calls and txts of her own. I made multiple attempts to hang out with her at the start of the summer but she didn’t reciprocate so I eventually stopped because I didn’t want to seem overbearing. Thankfully we might be going down to our friends beach house this Thursday and Friday if things work out. She already switched her hours and we are just waiting for our friend to let us know if it is ok.

Trust me I have tried, I have the best self-control out of anyone I know, literally. But my ONE weakness is women, they can make me do things I normally would never do for NO ONE, ie. leave to a 3rd world country to visit them without telling anyone (family or friends). Believe me though I AM working on this, over the past six months I have seen progress even though it is unbearably slow, it is progress none the less.

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