I am doing anything I can think of, and I am reaching to the 4 corners of my life for advice. Any advice given here might mean the difference of life and death for a girl and her unborn child. Please read carefully and advise accordingly.

Back story:

A girl who is about 20 years old is about two months pregnant with her boyfriend’s child. She caught her boyfriend cheating on her several times in the past, and she caught him cheating on her again just a week ago. While they were arguing, the man hit her and was hauled off to jail. The man is likely to stay there until the child is born and about 1 year old. This leaves her child without a father and her without a husband.

Currently, she is in such a depressed state that she is contemplating suicide over his actions. I have attempted to give her advice, mentioned that she should see a counselor, and tried my best to do everything I can think of to dissuade her from taking her own life. She has expressed to me on several occasions her suicidal ideation, and I am incredibly worried.

Because I have spoken to her at length, I think I have convinced her to keep living. For now….

I desperately seek advice. I have dealt with potential suicides before, but rarely with one where the case is so heartbreaking and severe. What words could I say to her to dissuade her further? Anything I could tell her to help console her and keep her from taking her life and the life of her unborn child is appreciated.

I do not care if you are an enemy or a friend to me on this forum. Any advice which I think could be useful in helping her is sorely needed. Thank you.

————-

***This was originally posted in the main, but too many people who hate me decided to play games and troll. Therefore, I decided to move it here where the trolls are less likely to play and the mature minds of this forum are more likely to speak their mind.
Your goal should be working to getting her to seek professional help. You can’t help her alone, and the burden is too much for you to handle for long.

best of luck man
Currently, steps are being taken to get her to proper counselors and medical professional.

However, I would still like to know if any of you have ideas for me to tell her that could possibly put her in a better frame of mind.

Thank you.
Call the cops if you think she is going to do it soon.

Get her to talk to a therapist if you think she is joking or just partially considering it.

I understand this, and I have made it my top priority. Phone calls are being made at this time.

She is pregnant, not married, the father beat her and is going to prison, and…? Her life sucks.

The only thing you can do is talk with her, do it in person though, get a coffee. But unless you offhand know several programs to help out young single mothers you probably can’t do much more than say it will be alright.

You have some really odd friends, you should make friends with a psychologist and keep them on speed dial.

Again, your input is very valuable. Thank you.

She wants to keep it. She might consider adoption though.

Overall, it is a very sad situation.
Who else is in her life? Mom? Dad? Grandparent? Favorite aunt? Get them involved.

adoption is also a good alternative.

she could do that, then move on with her life, far away from that guy.

This is going to be some of the best help you can provide her. Develop a support system for her to lean on. She is in need of professional assistance otherwise as others have said.

As far as things to say to her go, avoid using phrases like "I understand your pain" and "I know what its like." Every situation is different along with the emotions that are involved – even if you went through the exact same things pound for pound.

Along with that, it can be very off putting to a person to turn conversation around to you and issues you had and how you overcame them.

Do not go into any lectures with her about the importance of living, it’s not fair to her family, her having so much to live for, etc. Avoid offering ways to fix their problems. If that fix fails, you’re going to a) be blamed and b) in many cases no longer trusted as a confidant.

Your primary job is to listen to her explain herself and her emotions. If you do find yourself in need of things to say, be sympathetic, patient, and non-judgmental. Ask her about something that was really bothering her and let her unload on you. Offer hope and reassurance that she does not have to go through this alone and that you are there for her for anything that she needs. Express how glad you are that they turned to you.

Things you need to look out for:

• If she starts talking about unbearable feelings and constantly talks about bleak and doomed outlooks for the future.
  - Develops an unusual preoccupation with death (IE says things like "I wonder what would happen if I jumped out the window right now" or starts listening to music/writing things about dying)
  - Gets her affairs in order such as making unusual arrangements (IE giving away certain possessions, arranging for pets to be taken care of because of "trips," etc)
  - Saying good bye to people as if they won’t be seen again.
  - Sudden sense of calm and happiness after being stuck in a bout of depression. This is important. This sudden onset of "normal behavior" is more often than not a sign that someone has made the decision to kill themselves and are relieved and happy that the pain will soon end.

If you start seeing more of these warning signs, it’s ok to be upfront and blunt in your questioning. If you ask a person who may be suicidal "Are you thinking about/have you hurt yourself?" They will 99.9999999% of the time answer honestly.

If you’re aware that she is acutely suicidal and you have the means (specifically support from her family), detoxify her home and do not leave her alone. Take away pills, chemicals, etc that can cause harm.

All in all, the most important thing you can do is offer her hope and your support. There are no magic words that will dissuade her from an attempt if she truly wants it. What can though, is genuine concern and care which will reflect in your voice and body language when you talk to her.

Good luck brosef.
Kurt, I have a lot to say on this subject. PM me with your email address. I would like to chat via email about this rather then get all involved in a thread.

Abortion is out of the question, but killing herself (and it) is ok?

God I hate people sometimes

I like it when Beer says what I want to say, but decided to be more polite about

Abortion = 1 "life" ends
Her killing herself = both lives end

lesser of two evils.
Quite often depression is reality trying to worm its way into consciousness.
Build up evidence and have her locked in a psyche ward for a year or two imo

so true

I got plenty to say and I’m all over the map….why? Because I’ve been dealing with this shit my whole life and issues surrounding suicide threats can take all forms. Some real, some not real.

Daling with the real threat:
Once someone has made up their mind to do it, you cannot stop them. I’m convinced of this.

Remind her that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

When she needs it…..have her call this number:
1-800-273-TALK

Here’s their website and perhaps you can find useful info.

There are likely local organizations also…..be sure to check the business pages of your phone book for suicide prevention, counseling and things like that. She’s in crisis and needs to speak with someone that has been in crisis and is used to dealing with this stuff.

Now….shifting gears to you:
While your concern is nice, you need to not fool yourself into thinking that you can solve this problem on your own!! I can’t stress this enough. Many, many churches train their members to believe that God and the Bible are enough and they rush in to try and help but they only end up making the situation much worse.

If you haven’t lived through a loved one taking their own life or been at a point in your life where you were ready to take your own life, and I don’t mean depressed….I mean where you didn’t care anymore and you were ready to end it all, then it’s very difficult for you to fully comprehend the depths of her sadness. IMO only one that has lived through this or been there can truly understand.

I’ve experienced the bad side of churches trying to help people in crisis. I’ve had to work extra hard trying to undo messages people have received from church people who were trying to help but didn’t realize how their words were received and processed.

The very thing you think will help save her, church/the bible/Jesus/whatever, may be the exact thing that is a root cause of her crisis. A don’t bother asking her, "What do you think of Jesus?" because she might be desperate and confused and simply say, "I love him" when what she really means is "I’m fucking scared shitless to tell you the truth".

It takes a wise and patient person to uncover all the different issues in her life. Don’t fucking assume you have her all figured out.

Now….another possibility…..she could just be doing this all for attention.

She likes the bad boys, she likes to fuck them and she unfortunately got pregnant by one. She also likes to argue and did it so well that he also beat her. Don’t think for a minute that she doesn’t like drama…..this fucking chick lives for it and she might be trying to seduce you with her suicide talk.

I know, I know…..it’s not possible because she so fucking upset, she really is suicidal and all that.

She’s also a preggo woman who’s fuck buddy is in jail. Preggo women get horny….sometimes VERY fucking horny.

She also knows you’re in a church and are prudish so you’re a conquest for her.

Do not underestimate this as a possibility. I know a woman that used to like sharp knives held to her throat while a guy fucks her…..it’s the rush of it all…..it’s very addictive.

Sleeping with a Mormon might be just the experience she’s been looking for.

so there….probably not the answers you were looking for but those are my thoughts based on what you’ve posted here and what I’ve learned from both my life and trying to help others with their lives. My brother killed himself in 1986 and I’ve been living with and learning about suicide since then.

Bottom line….there are no easy answers but in the end, whether she kills herself or not is HER DECISION ONLY!!! You are not powerful enough to save her if she’s committed to do it.
I recall another thread you had posted about fellowshipping a young man with some mental or emotional problems. I understand the LDS mentality of fellowshipping (I was raised LDS) and its an excuse for the church and its members to meddle in peoples’ lives. Lead by example. Stay the hell out of other peoples’ business and stop trying to control them otherwise you’re propagating weakness within your own culture. Since you probably won’t do any of that, at least stay out of her life so she doesn’t develop feelings for you. Send the Relief Society President or a send a (Sister) Visiting Teacher.

Wow….seriously thank you for posting that. I had no idea that’s what was going on…..or might be going on.

I have serious issues with ANY church trying to help with these kinds of life and death issues because many, many people in church grew up there and haven’t experienced anything like suffering…..real suffering. Yet they want to help people and end up just fucking everything up.

Man….I could go on and on. I have some very serious problems with organized religions.

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