This is a fucking long read. I give a lot of backstory in order to put my situation in context. Sorry if its a tl;dr.

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Enter girl 1.

I met her ~1.5 years ago in a class at my college I was attending. She’s over a year older than me. Super fucking cute. Intelligent. Great sense of humor. Amazing singer. As a result I start to develop a crush on her.But she has a long term boyfriend and they’ve been dating for like 2 years at the time. So I’m like, oh well, she’s unattainable. No big deal. We get to know each other slightly better as the class goes on. We hang out at some group study sessions, we party a few times together, etc. My crush on her is pretty substantial at this point.

Come summer we stop talking because the class ended, but randomly she asks me mid-summer if I want to get dinner. And we start hanging out again on an outside-of-class basis. She is still with her BF, however, he went to grad school a state away. I am dissapointed that they are still together. But once again, oh well, I don’t dwell on it. We start to become good friends.

At the beginning of the following school year, SHE BREAKS UP WITH HER FUCKING BOYFRIEND AND I AM ECSTATIC. She knows I have this gigantic crush on her.

We end up making out like twice while drunk. And then suddenly she just stopped throwing me signals for anything. We continue to hang out and we see each other 4 times a week for class. Then one day, she talks to me about hooking up with this other guy. And I’m like We end up talking about our feelings and I put it all out there. I tell her I really like her, but that I understand that she just got out of a serious realtionship and isn’t looking for anything. But that I can handle her being a "batshit insane single girl" and she give me a longwinded "I really like you and don’t want to hurt you"

FRIENDZONED – fuck

So that’s that. We continue to see eachother 4 times a week for class and we continue to hang out.

We become really close and best friends. As a result, I start to develop some serious feelings for her. Much deeper than "Oh you’re cute and fun" to "I like everything about you." We’re texting all the time, hanging out all the time, seeing each other all the time. But we’re not being intimate. And I have to deal with watching her flirt with other guys in front of my face.One night, a little less than a year after I’ve met her. She drunkenly invites me over and we make out. This creates a bit of a pattern where we always hook up whenever we’re drunk and alone together. But she always did this thing where she’d pull away and be like "this is a bad idea." One night, we are super drunk and have sex. Uh oh.

We talk. And in essence, she says "I really like you. I’m attracted to you. But I’m only now exploring single life. I know you have feelings for me. And because we’re so close I don’t want to do anything to jeopardize our friendship. It means a lot to me. I don’t care how many times you tell me you can handle it or how resilient you are, but I want to be able to be a thoughtless single girl without hurting you. If we start being intimate YOU WILL GET HURT. And that’s the last thing i want to do."

I respond by telling her that "I can handle your craziness. Don’t ask don’t tell. I don’t want to hear about your hookups and I won’t tell you about mine. We can be close friends who sometimes kiss"- Mind you, I am hooking up with other girls at the same time.

She says we need to stop hanging out alone because it always leads to us hooking up. I get mad and tell her we can’t have a friendship based solely on texting. She tell me to stop coming on to her. I tell her I can’t. We "break up" our friendship and stop talking.

A few weeks later, she reaches out and we start talking again. I tell her that I’ll try and contain myself around her but that she’s going to have to deal with it when I cant. We go back to hanging out all the time, but not physical intimacy. I start to focus on another girl (this is girl 2, who I will talk about later). However, one night she texts me drunkenly to come over and "visit," I’m pissed and tell her no. She apologizes in the morning for "being a cunt." I tell her it’s fine, but it opens up the intimacy thing for me again. One night, after a party at her place, it’s just her and I and we hook up. And it happens again.

Something to keep in mind is that she had an internship planned in Europe for the summer. So at this point in time, she’s leaving in like 3 weeks. We start hooking up regularly again. However, for the first time, ever. It felt more than just physical on her end. I finally felt, after almost 1.5 years, some emotional reciprocation. And it was amazing. And let’s be honest, I’m in love with her. Completely in love with her. So this is probably bad. Basically, she finally let down her emotional walls around me because she knew she was leaving for the summer. And it was nice, we hung out ALL the time those last two weeks. It almost felt like we were dating.

We had a few talks about our relationship and she said that just doesn’t feel that emotionally available, and that while it could change when she gets back that I shouldn’t count on it. She cries in my arms a few times about leaving. I like that. She drunkenly insinuates a few times that she’s developed feelings for me. She leaves for Europe. This sucks. We Skype almost every single day. I miss her to death.

ENTER GIRL 2

I’ve know this girl for a few years. Met her through a mutual friend my freshman year of college. She’s pretty. Great body. Tall. Good sense of humor. Oh, and the fucking worst story teller of all time.

I’ve had a thing for her forever. Mostly because she’s tall, pretty and has a fantastic body. I always hit on her when drunk and she just kinda laughs off my advances. One night, however, we finally hook up (this is funny, because the following night is the night when girl 1 invited me over – when it rains, it pours). So we start hooking up pretty frequently, and it’s at the same time as I’m fooling around with girl 1. But eventually girl 2 cuts it off for the same reasons "I like our friendship, don’t want to damage it, etc." This bothers me, but it’s not the biggest deal because I don’t have feelings for her. But I still come on to her a lot and she always rejects me. We are pretty close friends as well. But I don’t have nearly the same feelings for her as I do for girl 1.

THE PROBLEM/DILEMMA

So girl 1 is in Europe now. And girl 2 and I have just hooked up, again, and she tells me "I really really like you"

This is the problem, I would totally get emotionally involved with girl 2 if there was no possibility with girl 1. I would love to have a summer fling, but I don’t want to hurt her. I like our friendship a lot and she’s pretty. But she does not have the x-factor that I see in girl 1. So I can never see me being in a committed emotional relationship with her.

I’m not really sure what to do. I’m in love with girl 1, but she could come back from Europe and be like "I’m not ready for anything"

Christ, this was a long thing to type for me to not have a super clear problem. Maybe I just needed a place to talk about my frustrating situation. If you read this, thanks.
You can just tell how much more I care about girl 1 compared to girl 2 with how much I wrote
Wow… you’re in a cluster, buddy. I don’t really have any advice, because it’s obvious what you have your heart set on. Just hope you don’t get hurt too bad because she doesn’t know what she wants.
Go with girl 2. The longer you wait on girl 1, the more you will build her up in your mind…and the more you set yourself up for a loss and heartbreak.

You think you’re having a dilemma now? What happens when you keep waiting on girl 1, and keep meeting other awesome women?

I guess I’ll sum it up this way: How long do you want to wait on a woman who may or may not reciprocate your feelings?

I know. :/ It’s rough.

My heart is set on one thing and it’s basically trumping all logic. And I’m aware of it, yet I’m probably gonna put myself in a situation where I’m going to get hurt badly.

Yeah, but what if girl 1 comes back ready to start something.

It would be fucked up to just drop girl 2, which i would. bahhhhhh
Girl #1 is definitely out. She was never serious about you, and now she’s not even in the country. Read: She’s gone. Take a cold shower or whatever you have to do, but get over it. There is also a better than fair possibility that you were her "summer fling". Hoping she’ll experience a magical transformation that causes her to come back from Europe and find you irresistible is a passport to fail.

Girl #2 is not out, but you are wasting whatever chance you have with her by pining for girl #1. You say you want to get involved with #2 only as a summer fling and only if #1 is unattainable. Well dude, you already have half of that equation. So go have your fling if that’s what works for you, just make sure she clearly understands that’s all it is. Don’t play her.

Truly, it might do you a lot more good to forget both of them and start over with someone else. A lot of baggage, a lot of mixed feelings with #1 & #2. Trying to make it work is too much work. Find an entirely new chick.

She isn’t going to and if she does, worry about it then.
Most likely, when she comes back she will be engaged to a Frenchmen.

Ok, here’s a counter for you:

What if she comes back NOT wanting to start something?

You’re piling up all your hopes here. I dont care even if she does come back and likes you, the longer you have this build up, the worse it will fail.
Oh, and I’m not saying that you don’t like girl 1, or that she isnt a good woman…but she’s not as perfect as you’ve imagined in your head.
cut it off with both

If you go with girl 2 now and get into a long term thing you’ll always think of what could have been and might even begin to resent girl 2 for it…. basically you’re in a vulnerable situation right now and should not be looking for anything serious until you settle your issues with girl 1 (basically realize and understand it isn’t going to work)

She is far from perfect. She’s crazy, she’s insecure, she can be a huge bitch, she totally has a false sense of entitlement. She’s a princess.

And she’s totally my type as a result.

My brain has been telling me, "don’t fucking wait for her and don’t get your hopes up"

But my heart is like "…well maybe she will" – they are totally at odds with each other
It’s like, have you ever been attracted to a woman because she had some "x-factor?" You don’t really know what it is, but you know it drives you fucking nuts and most women don’t seem to have it.

Yeah. Usually those are the ones that it never works out with anyway.

So…your type is a woman who will make you miserable in the long run?

My ex-girlfriend was like this. And we had quite the tumultuous relationship. but I really wouldn’t have trade it for anything. We’re still very close.

probably true
Girl 2 is making a move and Girl 1 is in no position to have a relationship with you. Go with Girl 2. It’s not like you can’t break up with her if it doesn’t work out.

Find someone good enough to stay with and stay with them. You don’t have to have the best woman on Earth to be happy, and since you’ve only got a limited time to look, you’re better off not trying to find the best woman on Earth anyway. Unless you enjoy the thought of looking for the rest of your life.

No, I haven’t. I’ve always been able to clearly identify why I’m attracted to a woman, mainly because I’ve known for a long time what the basic traits are that I’m looking for. It’s funny to catch them off-guard by answering their "tell me why you like me" questions with a list of reasons, ordered according to importance.

The feminine mystique is highly overrated. Lots of women like to think their presence makes men incapable of rational thought, but those are the women I’ve never been remotely interested in anyway, so I don’t mind disappointing them.

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