Just feel like venting, so if you want to reply, be my guest.

I am having a hard time being single. I don’t know what it is to be causing me so much anxiety and grief when I am not attached, when I went years (happily) without it. When my (ex)girlfriend of 4 years ripped my heart out last year, I felt so lost and hopeless. I turned to my close friends and started focusing on myself again. I started working out everyday again and doing yoga and I found a new stride. I then out of the blue found someone and thought I had found love again. 6 months into the relationship we hit a stalemate. We both were not happy at that point and were fighting on a daily basis about things we didn’t need to fight about. We had a mutual split which I think ended up saving our friendship.

3 Months later I am now sitting here, feeling that anxiety creep back into me, making me feel like I need to be with someone, when I know it’s just patching a hole, that won’t be fixed if I don’t actually take the time to heal. It doesn’t help I am infatuated with a girl I work with, and I don’t want to pursue it for a few reasons, one being I don’t want to shit where I eat, however I feel she is the perfect match.

What do you guys do to keep your mind off this shit and not fall into this vicious cycle?
Life is about opportunities and experiences. If you never take advantage of the opportunities you have you are effectively limiting your life experiences. Good, bad, meh, it’s all part of life and should be sought out and embraced. Ignoring your feelings and opportunities will only lead to further feelings of loneliness and isolation. Take the plunge and talk to the girl you work with. Even if it doesn’t work out you won’t have the regret of never trying.

It’s normal to want relationships –of all kinds– with others. That’s how humans are wired.

Some people need to be in a BF/GF/married situation or they don’t feel right. I’m not sure that’s healthy: Those who who need a relationship to validate their own self worth and provide a sense of purpose need to look inside themselves and figure out why they are so heavily dependent on someone else’s approval. Relationships should supplement not define your life. In other words, if you feel valued only when you are with someone, then by default you are needy and lacking independence.

One way to avoid the "cycle" is to change your approach. Find ways to feel good about yourself by yourself. Hobbies and activities are an obvious outlet but they will not be effective if you are only doing them to fill time and not because it’s something you enjoy and would want to do even if you were in a stable relationship.

Homework assignment: Find someone you consider to be a positive, enjoyable person who was happily married a very long time before their spouse died. Ask them how they maintain their cheery attitude. I will bet you a bazillion dollars they will say they loved their wife/husband dearly and miss them every day, but life is still life and they have family, grandkids, volunteering, church, activities, and plenty of other fulfilling things going on. The takeaway is that a SO is supposed to be just one part of who you are, not your entire reason for being.

Sorry to get all Oprah on you, but it really is all about your attitude.

Rapscallion is right. You can wait around for your "wound to be patched up", but you might miss out on something. Take the chance with the girl from work while you have it! If you were wrong and you two don’t belong together, so be it. At least you tried, and you probably learned something new as well.

Touche, and I think a lot of my anxiety is because of this. I just think I know the answer to the question and I’m afraid of it. She wants to travel for the next 5 years and I don’t want to be that anchor holding her back. I should just say what I feel and get it over with. If I lose the friendship or it makes it a bit awkward so be it I guess. It’s better to have tried and failed then to never try at all.

I never felt this way until recently. I felt so exposed alone. I feel I rushed into my last relationship with my last ex and it never really had a chance. I don’t want to feel like this, but at the same time it’s causing me to potentially lose someone I have strong feelings for. I am at that metaphorical fork in the road and I don’t want to make the wrong turn again

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