I’m on vacation visiting some family, and I’ve spent a little time with one of my young cousins, and after 1 day I am fairly convinced he has some type of developmental problem that his parents and everyone are ignoring.

This child is a 7 year old only child. He seems to need to be involved in EVERY conversation. He yells and interrupts adults and seems to be seeking attention. But he gets a lot of attention from his parents, some bad, some good. He is very contradictory. When his aunt asks him to do something, he always says no. When she asks him to do something fun, like go to a movie he wants to see, he just says, "no".

He refuses to apologize for ANYTHING. Yesterday he slammed down a soda, splashing it all over his aunt, and just tried to walk away like nothing happened. When I called him out on it and calmly and nicely asked him to apologize, he FREAKED out, screamed and said "I"M JUST NOT THAT KIND OF KID". He is incredibly rude to people.

Also, while we were hanging out, my girl friend and I were talking about painting my toe nails red, and this child says something along the lines of ‘You should take a cut off tongue and paint with the blood’

I’m sure part of the problem is he is not properly disciplined. His parents ignore his behavior until they get fed up and then yell at him, and put him in an almost indefinite timeout. I’m sure he has been spanked at some point, but most likely out of frustration and anger.

I should also mention this kid is very smart for a seven year old. He has a large vocabulary, great reading skills, and very good comprehension.

At first I thought it might be signs of autism, (without knowing what they were), but after looking them up, I dont think that is what it is. I’m not sure what it could be, but to me, there is definitely something wrong with this kid.

Any idea what it could be or how I could tell the parents?

(btw, this is kid is not blood related to me. He is related by marriage)
It sounds like a discipline issue. The whole incident with spilling the drink and not apologizing, it sounds like he was embarrassed and had no idea what to do. If his parents do not discipline him and have not "taught" him how/when to apologize, he was likely very uncomfortable when you asked him to apologize and just had a melt down.

I think the butting in on conversation and the tongue and blood comment go hand in hand. He is just searching for attention, good or bad, so he feels included. If he can freak you out by saying something he thinks is outrageous, he will probably do it.

I don’t hear anything that sounds like a developmental issue, but I’m no expert. Lack of discipline could be the cause of all of this. Large vocab, reading skills, etc only seem to reassure me of this (IMO). Getting fed up after a kid gets away with whatever he wants time and time again and then sending him to "indefinite" time out is not going to teach him anything.

I would honestly try and talk to his parents about his behavior, and let them know it’s not all him. They need to reevaluate how they let him know what he is doing is wrong, how often they do it, their methods, etc.

EDIT – Also, might want to post in the parenting section.
I’m not suggesting this, but if it were me I would have slapped little trouble maker.

Someone slaps my kid and I call the cops. I don’t care if the kid had it coming or not.
You better be careful with that kind of attitude that you are not dealing with a parent like me.
The more I think about it, the more it seems like a discipline issue. I’m just not sure if its my place to say something.

Also my first instinct is to spank, but I am trying to change that, and I would never hit someone elses child.
It sounds like you are genuinely concerned; I applaud you for that and hope you get some good advice in this thread.

That said, I can safely say I hate other people’s children for this reason. If they’re behaved I don’t notice them but when they start doing this stuff it just confirms that I don’t want to have kids.

I do have 2 nephews who I love and want to take home with me and have them sit on my lap and pet their heads and snuggle with- but only if I can give them back after a few hours.

So anyhoo, maybe you should go over and post this in the parenting forum? Also, I’m sorry you had to spend time around that madness.
A child who is valued and validated by his/her parents usually doesn’t have the need to act out like that. If this situation doesn’t improve, the child will develop more serious behavioral problems, such as narcissism, passive-aggression or worse.
While the parents may listen to your concerns [most likely not], what you can do is have a conversation one-on-one with the child, let him talk to you so he feels listened to. It will make him feel noticed in a constructive way. Get down on the floor with him, let him tell you about what’s important to him. That way his parents will see your example and might learn from it.

That is mostly how I feel about children. I am okay with them, as long as they are well behaved and I can give them back. I dont want any of my own for a good long while. But my husband loves kids and wants them eventually, so I am trying to ‘practice’ and learn how to be a good parent before that day actually comes, so I am at least a little prepared.

I did post this in the parenting forum also, but so far, this thread has gotten more results.

The odd thing is, these people look like good parents. They are kind and responsible people. The kid is an only child and he does get a lot of attention from his parents. I know they love him, and they do listen to him, just not ALL the time as he seems to demand. Its like, they try to deal with him with patience, and over-look the sillyness of being a kid, but they miss when he is actually mis-behaving, and then when they get tired of him they get upset.

Part of what makes me think he might have more than just discipline issues, is they had this kid a bit later in life. They are almost in their 50′s and he is 7. I was told also, that his birth was very difficult and almost killed his mother, so I wonder if any of that has something to do with this.

I dont know if I can have a one on one to talk to him. I think this kid already hates me. I have called him out a few times on his bad behavior and calmly asked him to apologize so he thinks I am just a mean Nazi. Plus when I do try to have a conversation with him, someone always butts in and ‘saves’ him. He doesnt seem to want to talk, or open up about ‘why’ he mis-behaves although he knows he is doing it.

Also, the other day he was trying to explain to someone that my husband and I were married. To do so, he grabbed my husband by the elbow and pulled him toward me, and he reached up and grabbed me by the breast. I instantly removed his hand, but at the time I thought it was just an accident and he didnt really understand boys vs. girls. But this kid is SEVEN, and he does know the difference, and he should know what is NOT appropriate behavior regarding that. So it makes me wonder why he did it.

I guess part of my apprehension about telling the parents is that I am only 22, and they are 25 years older than me. What the heck do I know about kids? I have no right tell them something might be wrong with their child, no matter how nice I say it. I’m not positive that would be their reaction, but I could understand it. Also, the mom is going through some serious health issues right now, and I dont want to say something that would make things more difficult. :/
With my two nephews, sometimes I see things that I would like to step in and do my own parenting for because either I think I have a better idea or I think my sister and her BF are doing something wrong.
But over the years I have figured out that it is best for me to just let the parents do the parenting.

You’re on a vacation visiting family so you get to go home and this kid becomes someone else’s problem, so maybe instead of stressing out about it you can just be glad this kid doesn’t live at your house with you.

I understand your wanting to step in and make a difference but I think sometimes it is easier to just let someone else deal with these things.

Just my two cents.
Some people cannot or are unwilling to correct their child’s behavior, it eventually becomes the job of our public school system or our criminal justice system.

It is not your fault or problem, however if you have to say something, I don’t know of a good way to go about it. I wouldn’t expect anything to change right away.

No matter how you go about it, if you say something it the parents would feel attacked. Best case would be only initially, they might at some point realize that you are (were) right.

**

It may very well be that the child does have a developmental disability and that the parents are very well aware of it. Treatment options for those sort of things suck. They might be taking him to doctors and covering it all up, for some reason. Like no one is going to notice.

OK, so the problem maybe the opposite of what I initially thought. Older parents tend to have more patience and/or tolerance for misbehavior because they have a greater appreciation for having a child after so many years. That presents a different problem, in that they don’t always set appropriate boundaries for the child. If they shower him with attention he may have no tolerance for them paying attention to anyone besides him. So he acts out in the hopes of re-centering himself in their attention. They will probably get defensive if you try to tell them how to parent the boy. However you have the right to tell the child to stop doing inappropriate things to you and inform his parents of the facts, without passing judgment. If this continues I’m sure the school he goes to will be doing the same. Most schools no longer tolerate inappropriate touching of another.
My nephew is Autistic. Those aren’t signs of Autism, they’re signs of him being a little brat.

I would slap the kid, then you, then the cops when they got there.
Yes, the kid is developmentally challenged: his parents suck. I’m going out on a limb here, but they had their first kid at age 43, so I’m guessing they were pretty self-absorbed when they were younger and they only realized at the last minute that they didn’t want to be an endpoint on their family tree. Sounds like some of that self-absorption is carrying over into their parenting style and their kid is emulating it.

Paying attention to a kid doesn’t just mean acknowledging their presence, it means interacting constructively and creatively with them, and building their interests, their confidence, their decision-making capabilities, and their character. Reading books with them (not just to them), putting puzzles together, getting them to help plant flowers, etc. "Help me make dinner; I need a handful of pasta 1 inch across; do you know how much an inch is? Get the ruler from my desk and measure it. Not the spaghetti, the linguine; that comes from an old word meaning "tongue", so get me the pasta that’s wide and flat like your tongue is." Etc. I was doing stuff that complex when I was 3 years old.

This kid may not be starving for the barest forms of attention, but it certainly sounds like he’s starving for cognitive input.

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