After finishing Mega jail with Louis Theroux tonight I got on facebook to see what was up before I went to bed. I saw that my girlfriend commented some guys picture (saw it on main feed). I dont mind, but it was an ex of hers so I went to her page and saw that her recent activities feed didnt include her comment. So I texted her to ask why and sure enough she didnt want me to see it because she knew it would get me mad(no jealousy in our relationship from either side ever). I ended it right there a year and a half. Am I justified?

I have always told her that if either of us ever hide anything from the other than it was over. I have made this clear and have held up my end of the bargain. I never snooped anything on her facebook, this was just one of the recent activities that came up when I signed on facebook tonight. I feel I did the right thing. Shes crying begging for me to accept her apologies, but I feel like I have been cheated.

(the comment she left was nothing more than "oh hahaha" which is nothing incriminating and I wouldnt care anyways)
why do you need OT’s approval for your feelings/decisions ? Do you want us to tell you what you want to hear ? Are you going to change your mind if people tell you it was not justified ?
Dude, you’re breaking up over her failure to disclose a FB comment that you admit didn’t really offend you in the first place? That’s not just messed up, it’s creepy.

Maybe you’ve been wanting to cut her off for a while and were just fishing for an easy excuse. I gotta say, that’s the lamest excuse I’ve ever heard.

I hope there is more to this, because if there isn’t, she’s better off without you.

The internet creates a lot of misunderstandings, that’s why i personally do not want to create conclusions from it. In the end its your decision, but maby you have overreacted in this situation?

I wanted to know if people thought what I did was justified. I did it in the heat of the moment. I talked to her last night for a while afterwards and I told her Id let her know by the end of today, so I wanted to know if anybody has had this happen and how they handled it.

It could be anything that she could keep from me. The fact is, I have never kept anything from her, ever. I dont investigate anything in this relationship and what I did last night was no more than logging on facebook, seeing the comment.. Going to her page to say something and seeing that the comment was erased from her recent activities. How is it messed up? How is it creepy?

She may be better off without me, but I am just as better off not in a relationship. I dont believe in dishonesty in a relationship and dont have the time to be giving tons of chances.
I talked to my mom and a few others today and told her Id give her another chance. I still dont see how what I did was in any way wrong. I didnt snoop around to try and catch her in a lie. I just live a happy life and dont have time for any dishonesty. Hopefully she doesnt mess it up this time
I don’t know your relationship at all besides of what you posted. But by doing what you just did it seems part of that relationship is now going to be scarred.
mod: no discrimination please , nothing wrong with expecting 100% honesty. if she is covering something up that stupid, than she won’t have a problem covering up stuff in the future.

Ive talked to her and she has known since day 1 that we aren’t going to be together for ever. I like being single and free.

I thought the asylum was a place where people would be supportive and not trolls soz, i was out when this was posted, edited
how is that being a troll, i told you that what you did was the right thing to do.

hope it works out for you
You will never be with anyone for any amount of time if you end it over a comment on facebook or when she does something without telling you…

It sounds completely ridiculous to me, like you are a child or simply have no understanding what a real relationship is or what is reasonable to expect from others.

I am not a jealous person and the comment itself has nothing to do with this. It’s the fact she did something and tried to keep it away from me because she thought I’d be mad. If relationships are all about hiding things from the other than I would truly be happy single.

It seems to me that you are rigid and controlling in your relationship, which is probably why she was trying to hide that innocent post. You set the rules of how long the relationship will last ["aren't going to be together forever"], making her fearful to be herself. Relationships have to be more flexible to allow both people to be themselves. Honesty is one thing, a straitjacket is another.

good point, I dont control any aspect I feel. I told her my feelings from the get go and I have never told her what to do, who to talk to, or anything. she does what she wants I do what I want. I dont see how I control it.

When I said the whole Im not going to marry you thing I meant it in a way that being married isnt in my plans

and you were mad, so mad that when you saw that she had deleted it from her recent activities you jumped to the conclusion that she was trying to hide it from you.

Consider the possibility that she wasn’t so much trying to hide it as she was trying to not throw it in your face. When I look at online pornography on the computer that I share with the SO, I do so in private browsing. Not because I am really trying to hide anything, I just don’t want those kind of suggestions to pop up in the browser history. Does my fiance really need to become aware of the fact that I was looking at porn last night (or whenever) by having a list, in detail, come on the computer while she tries to access her facebook or E mail.

Anyway, I suppose she would be able to comment on someone’s status and the ex comment on it without them being ‘friends.’ I suppose they could have lots of mutual friends. Is this the case, or is it as I suspect; Your girlfriend and the ex are ‘friends’ on the facebook. If she is ‘friends’ with the ex, you have access to that list and she did not try to hide that fact from you.

Lets say she has a week where she comments at 7 of her ex boyfriends, you check her recent activity and see just how often she talks with these dudes. You know that she does talk to them because they are ‘friends’, but do you really need such a detailed list.

You have said you do not have jealousy or control issues. Sir, it sounds to me as though you do.

I don’t really care if you unbreakup with this girl or not but in my opinion your reaction was over the top.
To see the comment and then rush to check her recent activity, would be over the top in and of it self.

Why do you care?

That is a rhetorical question. I know the answer, I will tell you if you like.

I think theres a misconception here. I saw she commented. I was going to a few friends facebooks including hers for whatever reason and when I was at hers I noticed that. I didnt jump to any conclusions just asked her. I dont have the time or the care to spy on her or make sure she isnt hiding anything from me. It was right in front of my face so I asekd, sue me. She told me she was hiding it from me in fear of me being mad. I dont understand how I was possibly wrong in this

I think I didnt explain correctly that I didnt go looking for anything. I didnt see her comment and run to her profile to check it, I am not jealous and I dont get jealous. And to be honest, I dont really hide anything. I dont look at porn online and erase it, she can see whatever she wants to on my computer when she uses it, and she often does.
I’m actually in defense of the thread starter. She was hiding her comment for a reason. There is potential to believe that there may have been other discussions with her and her ex or potentially further interaction. If the comment was a bit more than what you’d say to the opposite sex while in a relationship, I believe there’s reason to think that if there wasn’t anything going on between them already, there will be in the future.

The fact that she felt the need to "hide" something from her SO is enough to break trust, which can ruin relationships.

You told her what you plan for your life, without her being mentioned anywhere in that plan. So if she wants to be with you, then what’s her option? Her only option is to be exactly what you want her to be, the way you want her to be, so you will have no reason to get rid of her. So she tries to hide whatever might upset you. You don’t need to say anything for her to get that message, except that someday she’s not going to be in your life. You issued a threat, an ultimatum, and that’s the strongest form of relationship control you can have over someone who loves you.

very interesting. I definitely can see what you are saying and it makes sense. I am a very independent person and have been this way for a few years now. I am very happy alone and my girlfriend doesnt like that so she tries to include herself all the time. I dont ask her to and Im definitely happy with her, but I also keep in the back of my mind that I will be happy with or without a girlfriend.

I definitely see what you are saying though

I wouldnt ever and have never snooped to try and catch her in a lie because I just dont care enough. If someone lies to me than I just move on. No hard feelings, just that the person isnt what I thought they were
All very valid points.

TS, either she IS trying to hide something or she thinks that you are an ogre.

Then there she is admitting to hiding something and that isn’t good especially since you are not a jealous control freak or a woman beater with anger issues.

If that is the case ending it was the right thing to do and if you take her back she should stay on thin ice.

Why would she try to hid something so mundane?

1.) She is scared of you, (to which you have argued that there is no reason for) which means that:
2.) She is Crazy; or,
3.) She is hiding something bigger.

I dont think shes hiding anything from me, but ive never looked in to that so I would no know. She has always said that she is scared of how free I am in the sense where I can keep myself satisfied with or without somebody else around me.

I stayed wtih her only because my mother and an ex talked me in to it. I dont believe in second chances, but I dont look at the lie as anything harmful, and now I know how I will feel if she does something behind my back again. I can turn around and walk away, simple as that.

When I’m in a relationship I want the person to be as invested in the relationship as I am. That does not mean I want to be with someone who has plans for being single and I am just like a speed bump. I am not a bed warmer either.

I might as well be sending love letters to a movie star if I want to be with someone who can walk away from me at the drop of a hat.

nothing says I dont love her and am not fully invested. however, Im not a weak enough person for my life to be over if Im not with her. If in a few years we are still together I will consider marriage, but for now I am just making sure its right.

i agree. i refused to create a FB acct because i know my gf would get mad and jealous and i don’t really need one so no point imo. regardless it does seem like you did overreact a little by breaking up with her over a simple comment such as oh hahaha. i don’t know the whole story but is going off what you said. As the other OTer said…do you want to break up with her?

Yes, you did. You did it when you went to check up on whether her wall matched up with your news feed.

I don’t know whether you’re justified. That’s between you and this girl. I do think getting bent out of shape over an innocuous comment on a picture (regardless of whose pic it is) is ludicrous. It means nothing, so it shouldn’t matter – why spend any energy on it? Do you trust or distrust her ability to make decisions conducive to maintaining a rewarding relationship? If you don’t trust her, then walk away now.

She must have a lower self-esteem. I personally wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with someone whose activities included policing my morality… if you pulled that kind of stunt in a relationship with me, I’d tell you not to let the door hit you in the ass on your way out.

If you call what I did snooping than I did snoop. but when I went to her page it wasnt to check to see if she had made the comment and erased it. I guess after I wrote the thing on her wall (which was my intention of even going to her page) I checked her recent activities out of pure curiosity. Ive never done that beofre and have never made it obvious to her that I had a lack of trust of her.

I dont give a shit about what was written on the picture. She couldve written anything and I wouldnt care. The fact that she did it with intention of me not seeing it was what bothered me. I have never hidden anything from her and dont want to waste my time with somebody whos willing to do something like that.

Theres an open door in this relationship at all times. I dont make her stay wtih me and vice versa. This isnt to say we dont have fun together. We get a long really well together, however, I am not going to date somebody wtih intention on getting married. To me this is ridiculous, and I have different goals at this age. Although Ive received feedback like yours since the thing happened, I feel like relationships now a days involve too much of people giving up things that make themselves happy to make others happy and its not something I am willing to do at this point in time. I am fully capable of making myself happy, and although I like having a girlfriend right now, life would go on if I were single.
You seem content with your decision, what’s the problem? Or did you just want to vent?
Idk man just break up with her…that or tell her that you want a less exclusive relationship.

Totally agree. She is better off without you, hopefully you won’t take her back.

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