I just broke things off with my girlfriend today. She was smart, funny, extremely cool and she loved me.

I had to end things because I don’t love her back. I love spending time with her, and the thought of hurting her makes me sick, but I just don’t see her in a sexual light and I don’t think its fair to either of us to keep the relationship going when I know its not going anywhere.

I feel like the biggest piece of shit in the world. It would have been easier just to stay with her and make her happy. Did I do the right thing?

Of course you did dude. It wouldn’t have been fair to her if you just stayed in the relationship if you didn’t love her (I’m guessing you guys have been together for awhile). Alot of people would take the easy road and just stay in a relationship for too long hoping that their feelings will change even though they know it wont. Hopefully you were complelty honest with her.. really the only thing you could’ve done.

I was honest. I told her everything up front. She is the one person I never wanted to hurt, and now I broke her heart. I haven’t cried in years, but im crying now.

Mate, I know it’s not going to be much consolation but I did the exact same thing 2 weeks ago for the exact same reasons.

You did the right thing. If you care for someone you don’t base the relationship on a lie.
You did the right thing. I understand that you feel bad but she is better off not being with someone who doesn’t love her the way she wants and deserves, you know?

The most important advice I am going to give you is for you NOT to contact her in any way. Contacting her will only hurt and confuse her more. If she tries to contact you you either ignore it completely or just tell her once and for all that you are terribly sorry, but it is better for you two to not talk for awhile. You need to move on and she especially needs to move on. You cannot be friends until you are fully over one another.

Excellent advice.

Take it. I wish I had. Really fucked up on that one to be honest last weekend. Missed the physical companionship as I was going through a very difficult emotional time and needed someone. I went to her. It was a mistake and I only hurt her more as a result.

It’s very typical to dump someone, feel bad and then go right back to them when you are lonely days/weeks later. It’s a very selfish thing to do. If I can actually stop one person from doing it I will feel good.

It’s the one thing I really regret about this year actually. Selfishly hurt someone I care about for no reason apart from what I needed. Ah well. What’s done is done. I’d change it if I could but I can’t. I’ll follow your path and advocate for others not do it. Short term it feels great but long term it is the worst possible thing you can do

she will appreciate you for it later. It’s far better than staying in it for years, leading her to believe there’s a future in it, when there’s not

I took this advice. She IM’d me and I told her that it wouldn’t be fair to anyone if I continued to talk to her while she still had feelings towards me. I DONT want to hurt her anymore than I already have, but I also love hanging out with her. I guess I cant have it all and have to sacrifice something I want for something she needs.

Thank you for the advice, it helped me.

Did it end up working out well? Because I still feel like a gigantic bastard with a bastard center.

aww…

i’ll be the first to say that being honest and straightforward is always a good thing. in other words, you did the right thing.

don’t beat yourself up over this. unfortunately, a person can’t make you love them. only you can truly decipher your true feelings about someone. if the feelings aren’t there, it’s not fair to stay in the relationship, and it’s best to move on.

good luck. think positive thoughts!

Good for you, man. That is so very true and unfortunate for right now. Keep it up (the not talking to one another). You most likely could be friends in a few months. I am friends with quite a few guys that I dated, one that even dumped me and I was upset over and now we are great frends with no tension at all. But we had to take breaks from each other to realize we weren’t right together.

Still early to tell. I’ve led her on and now I have to stop that.

You did the right thing though. And I’m telling you this from the position of doing the wrong thing.

Coming from someone who was in a very similar situation I can say without a doubt that you did the right thing.

Eventually you would have started thinking in terms of what you were missing staying with her and speaking from experience there’s a point where you start taking it out on the other person without even realizing it. Resentment will build and you’ll end up acting like a different person. Neither of you deserve to be in that situation.

You did the mature thing. It may be tough now but at some point you’ll both appreciate the decision that was made.

Just think, you care about her enough to want her to have everything in a relationship right? Then she deserves to feel wanted too. You both do.
My ex did the same thing to me. I was heart broken. She talked to me for a month after and I still had a lot of false hope until I found out she already had another guy and most likely had him in mind the whole time. It took me months to get over her. If she hadnt talked to me and given me false hope, I would have been over her MUCH faster. Now we talk every once in awhile and I thank her for doing the right thing. It got me to realize that my best friend for years was interested in me, something I never would have thought but turned out to be the best thing to happen to me. Life works in funny ways some times

Women don’t let go of one branch until they have a good hold on the next.

The only thing that I enjoy about the situation is being in a happy relationship with my previously best friend for 2+ years because of it and her life spiraling downwards when that relationship only lasted a few months. I kind of wish she would do something with her life though, she is still a nice person haha. She blew it
you have to go with how you feel in the end it might take awhile to get over but you did the right thing
You did the wrong thing. The ego is incapable of loving. You, I, are incapable of loving.

It is that 3%, that little spark of consciousness inside us, that is capable of loving.

She just did not fit the taste of your ego. The ego is a cold mechanical monster that is never satisfied. If she was cool and all that, then what was the problem?

Did your ego make it a problem? I mean, it is so infra conscious that you can’t even see it, but the subconscious or infra conscious can bend you as it pleases.

Who will be better then her that will make you happy? Who? And after that? And after that?

Your feelings are controlled by your ego. Your feelings will change as they will, but in the end it’s just contributing to our instinctive animal side (that wishes for genetic variety, and cares not for "love"), we must overcome THAT, for man is a rope over an abyss, between animal and superman.

I disagree. It is wholly possible to like a person but not love them, just as it is possible to love a person, but not like them.

If you do not love someone, you shouldn’t be selfish enough to stay in a relationship with them.

What have you been smoking lately?

he’s a mid-teens ‘pagan’ who believes all sorts of things as fact, simply because it was presented to him in a non-traditional standpoint.

Well that post just made me not to mention he mentioned smoking in another thread in here today. Put 2 and 2 together…

yep
Sorry I forgot to wear my yesmen shirt to work today.

And I am a mid teens pot smoking pagan?

It is interesting to study how people will misconstrue your image based on what you’ve said.

It’s what makes DaVinci and Shakespeare homosexuals.

But I guess you have to roll with the punches.

I have little faith in you, or my cheating ex, or myself.

What about this?

This is NOT a Greek arena. Different aspects should be respected, even if it is mutated to you. I am shocked at how you went from disagreeing to making me look smaller in a pathetic inaccurate manner. Masculine psychology, God damn it.

What part was incorrect? How old are you? Are you or are you not a subscriber to the ‘pagan’ religions? Do you smoke weed? (Note: I was not the one who brought that up)

Nearly 22. Your idea of pagan religion is a far shot from my idea… I am closer to a Buddhist and you can always go to gnosticteachings to see what I am reading. And I will reluctantly have a puff once every while, I hate it, but I’m 22, most people are on the coke.

I even have a hard time generalizing me. I am always trying to learn more about me because I am so in particular.

I haven’t "given up" and become some stoner hippy pagan.

In fact, I think drugs can end you permanently submerged "in your own" hell, which is part of the cause of my reluctance.

And I also think that every relationship you have puts a lot of karma on you, because I view the cross as sex.

So I’m tired, tired, tired of seeing failed relationships! I’m tired of people talking about love in one way and then another. I am a puritan, many have reason to hate.
so why do you smoke weed if you don’t like it?

and most people aren’t on drugs at all, not coke
also, maybe you see so many failed relationships because of the people you hang out with and/or because of the kind of things you are into
Way to completly misconstrue the whole "ego" concept of buddhism.

Let me guess. You went to one lecture at a community college and you are an expert now?

If a relationship is not working, and some simply don’t, it is more in keeping with following the ego to remain in it, as it does not result in you having to question your own feelings.

I think we got off track
wow, im dealing with this exact thing right now. I cant seem to build up the courage to though

Related posts:

1. Why can I not find a girl that wants a relationship? It seems like every girl I talk to wants to date people. But they don't want to ever commit to...
2. GF of 6 months ended it because of lies.. I guess I just need to vent.. Advice would be welcome So I had been dating my ex gf for...
3. This is why my relationship failed. Her name is Lindsey, we dated for 15 months, I love her with all my heart. This was her first...
4. One great thing about depression… Is no appetite. Lost 5 pounds since Friday already woo hoo!Wait til you start feeling better.. Then you'll gain 10...
5. Relationship woes v. Long Distance As many already know, I have a pretty rocky relationship. Me still being in it may be questionable, but I...